You corporate heartbreaker...

In the Hollywood blockbuster movie, "Glengarry GlenRoss," about door-to-door tin roof salesmen in the 1960s, Alec Baldwin's character shows up to teach the group how to close. As he is addressing the group, he says the famous line, "Put that coffee down, coffee is for closers only..."

In professional relationships, closure is rare. If we took the same approach with coffee, no one would ever drink it. After a professional breakup, job loss, or “reduction”, people often wander around in a zombie-like state for weeks, with unanswered questions lingering for years. There is no obligation to close up a relationship wound, and it is often easier to run away from it than to face it head-on. However, is it even possible to close the wound through discussion?

While distractions can help, closure is still needed. Imagine a relationship like an airplane flight across the ocean. We ride together in a narrow steel tube, 30,000 feet in the air, and while we soar, we sit next to people. We have the choice to engage with them, or we can sit quietly and pretend that we have personal business to attend. The plane lands, and we maintain any connection we have made with others, or we can walk away and back into our own life.

There's a moment of truth on the ground. We make our way to baggage claim and continue chatting. Our bags circle by. We find our bags, and we walk away. I am a "carry-on" kind of guy, and I have decided to pack away my emotions in the same way. All painful baggage should be left at the pick-up carousel after your flight. You don't need to bring anything along to your next destination. The catalyst for failure in some relationships is not always in either person's control. There are some connections that just need to end. Most of the time, the baggage waiting for you after a long flight isn't even yours. It's a hodgepodge and collection of painful memories, sadness, happy thoughts that we want to become essential, and comfort foods. None of it is required for you to survive, and none of it is needed to move forward. Leave it.

As for the best ways to reach closure, the following are some suggestions:

1. Own It: Take ownership of anything that is in your control. If there is an emotion or a memory that you can't reconcile with the other person because it's in their control, let it go. If you want to be a closer, you have to close yourself first. Once you have a personal accord, there will be no need to find closure with someone else.
2. Strength in Numbers: You are not alone, and there is evidence to prove it. Take a moment to explore Instagram or Twitter and follow groups of people who have recently gone through a breakup or divorce. You will find that the feelings of doubt, uncertainty, and crushed confidence are widespread and powerful, like massive forest fires. This is why every emotional YouTube, Facebook, or Instagram post, set to music like Coldplay (popular among younger generations), or The Cinematic Orchestra, seems to speak directly to your wounded soul. You read the words on the screen and hear a deep, soothing voice reading them aloud, and it feels like they were written just for you. But how do these strangers know everything about your personal life? The answer is simple: your feelings are not unique. They are real, and you are experiencing them, but the fact that so many others feel the same way suggests that you will overcome them. Losing a job can be one of life's greatest tragedies, second only to death or divorce. It can leave deep scars and cause people to experience post-traumatic stress.
3. Focus on Others: While it is important to prioritize your own well-being during difficult times, it doesn't mean neglecting the well-being of others. Rather than solely focusing on self-love and care, consider reaching out to others and offering support. Giving to others can be a powerful way to shift the focus away from your own struggles. While self-care is important, the current self-absorbed culture can be a harmful distraction. Instead, direct your attention towards those who may need it more. Look for individuals who are experiencing greater pain than you and offer them comfort. Provide professional encouragement by connecting them with job networks or helping them find work, a promotion, or renewed confidence. This may be challenging, but it can also be a rewarding way to help others while also helping yourself.

Move over Alec Baldwin. You aren’t my career coach.

Enjoy Your Coffee, Regardless of Closure: Whether you're someone who seeks closure or not, it's perfectly okay to savor that cup of coffee. You may not find the closure you seek in your relationships, but that's alright. You're not alone in this struggle. It's important to remember that you can only control internal factors, such as your attitude and behaviors, not external variables. You cannot dictate how someone will treat you, nor can you shoulder their burdens. However, with time, wounds heal, and if you focus on helping others heal, you'll find that your own pain will eventually dissipate.