Are you a controller or an influencer?

People in leadership or management positions need to be able to persuade those working for them to embrace their vision for the company, division or department. They need to be able to get people to change their behaviour in a positive way so that everyone works together to achieve agreed business goals.

The big question is: what is the most effective way to change people’s behaviour? Is it better to have control over people or is it better to have influence in their lives?

Well, the easiest option is control. Let’s say you’ve been put in a position of authority, you’ve been given a job to do and stretch targets to meet, and you’re going to see that those working for you do their jobs. So, like many managers (and parents), you opt to control the people under you. Why? Because you can!

And everything works well. At first. People do what they’re told. You’re very happy. And proud of yourself. You pat yourself on the back and tell your friends and family at social occasions that things are going well at work. Everybody is performing to your expectations and targets are being met. Your friends and family – and your boss – are impressed.

But after a few months, things start slipping. You find yourself involved in disciplinary hearings and having to address various problems. You really can’t understand what’s gone wrong. What changed? Everything was working so well and you’re such a good leader. You had everything under control. Or so you thought ...

Sound familiar?

When all is said and done, with all the changes that have occurred in the world and the world of work, you actually don’t want to control people. The problem with control is that, although it’s easy to achieve in the short term, it’s not sustainable and viable in the long term – particularly when you’re working with people on a remote basis.

When you go for control over people, you’ve got to be around them to control them. Whether it’s staff at work or children at home, they’re only under control when they’re under your control – when you’re around to control them. When you’re not around, however – and, with remote working now part of working life, you can’t be around them – they’re completely out of your control, and can do, or not do, things as and when they want to do them, or not.

Another problem with control is that people rebel against control because when you try to control them they feel they have been disempowered.

Remember your school days when you went out with a bunch of friends and the there was someone who lost control – got drunk, became promiscuous? Those were usually the ones who had controlling parents.

You see, when you control people (or children), they do what you tell them – while you’re around. But, when you’re not around, they don’t.

And, in the case of your remote workers, they’re definitely not around for you to control. So, what now?

The thing you want in your team members’ lives, therefore, is influence. That’s because when you have influenced people, your influence stays with them whether you’re there or not. And that influence is also a lot more long lasting. Think about someone who influenced your life at some or other time in the past. It may have been decades ago, but I’m willing to bet that you’ll be the first to acknowledge that their influence has stayed with you!

How does one gain influence in a person’s life? There’s no quick fix. The first point to understand is that verbal persuasion has been proved to be the LEAST effective means of influencing anyone – adults or children. So don’t try lecturing, preaching or arguing. You’re wasting your time. You’re not going to influence anyone that way. All they will be doing while you’re lecturing or preaching at them is think of ways to blow your arguments out of the water. They’re not even listening to what you’re saying!

If you want to get a message across, you’ve got to walk the talk and live out your message. That’s not so easy and that takes time. That’s why very few people opt for this.

The most powerful way to acquire influence in someone’s life is by relationship. As I’ve said before, the level of influence you have in anyone’s life is determined by the quality of the relationship you have with them. No relationship – no influence. So if you want to influence those around you, start building – or rebuilding – your relationship with them. That’s why relationship skills have shot up the priority list for leaders.

There are many more factors to take into account regarding influence, so start asking yourself some tough questions about the people for whom you’re responsible. Determine whether you are controlling or influencing them. If you’re honest enough to admit that you’re actually a control freak (if that is indeed the case), you CAN make the change – if you really want to. No-one else can do it for you.

Control is actually a very old fashioned way of managing people. If you’re going for distance and effectiveness, go for influence!

Alan Hosking is the Publisher of HR Future magazine, www.hrfuture.net and @HRFuturemag. He is an internationally recognised authority on leadership competencies for the future and teaches experienced business leaders as well as millennial managers how to lead with empathy, compassion, integrity, purpose and agility. In 2018, he was named by US-based web site Disruptordaily.com as one of the "Top 25 Future of Work Influencers to Follow on Twitter". In 2020, he was named one of the “Top 200 Global Power Thought Leaders to watch in 2021” by peopleHum in India.

You are welcome to contact Alan for more information about his ground breaking programmes.