Are you conforming when you could be thriving?

Why aren’t we always real at work?

Only 20 years ago the topic of being real and living authenticity weren’t discussed as part of business or corporate life. The blending of work and life, the appreciation of different styles and personalities weren’t truly appreciated. Step forward to the present and more businesses than ever are driving a purpose culture. They are starting to see the benefits of driving a culture of realism and authenticity. Somewhere where people’s talents, personalities and individualism are valued, appreciated and recognised. That bringing different strengths and values to the organisation can drive positive performance. However, even now organisational culture can drain the personality and opinion of a person and drive them to conform, so that the person becomes another cog in the organisational wheel.

How real are you?

Is that you? Are you conforming at work? How many of us can truly be honest and ourselves in our working lives and relationships? What’s the benefit of being more real and bringing more of ourselves to work?

I believe it’s really important to be yourself as much as possible. I drive realism and honesty into the cultures I work in. There really is no time or point for playing games, whispering corners, back biting. The people in one organisation are one team, one tribe, who should come together with a common purpose. There should be the opportunity to be individual and then collectively create a community of individuals bringing their unique perspectives and talents. But be honest can you be your best self at work? If you can’t what are you waiting for, and what are the barriers? Does something need to change or do you need to do something to change it?

Not aligning to our true self can negatively impact our wellbeing

Mary Portas in ‘work like a woman’ gives a great insight into corporate life back in the 80’s. Where hierarchy ruled, and how a CEO became her mentor and brought her into the boardroom where others openly rejected her. She faced challenge and bad behaviour there from some of the board members. They would openly shut her down and ignore her. Working in a corporate old school, she was faced with the challenges of business and opportunity but had a lack of voice, even though her talents were driving business success.

Mary worked hard, remained driven and rose through the company. She personally compromised, she often felt side lined, was patronised and decisions were made on her work (even when she was senior) that she had no involvement in, but she continued to work hard and be a success. To do this she learnt to communicate, behave and work like those around her. Fast forward many years later and she faced burnout, not really from the hours she worked but from the way she worked. She realised that the style that she had learnt and developed was not her style. She had compromised being real and who she was; she had conformed to fit in and progress.

When a business is real, it’s people can be too

As she almost reached burnout, she realised that she wanted to work and do business in a different way. Her success to that point had come from her drive, determination and focus to continuously learn and grow and never be on the back foot. Now, she realised that there were many styles and approaches that didn’t and hadn’t ever sat well with her and she felt compromised. She wanted to do work differently and this led to her radically changing the culture and ways of working in her successful consultancy to do this. Within a year her business was more successful than ever. Proof that business can be successful when its aligned to true values and beliefs that are the core if its culture. A place where people can be real and the values are driven and lived by the actions of every person, and driven through in the way things are done and decisions are made.

Change happens when we can be more of ourselves

I’ve seen people really change when they are able to relax more into being themselves. It’s a journey of understanding who they really are and then how that can benefit the organisation. When people are able to truly bring themselves to work, they flourish, and the people around them flourish too.

A colleague of mine has been on a long journey of self-discovery over the last two years. Coming from a highly corporate culture, there had been a lack of opportunity for exploration and understanding of self, and driving development of a person as a leader. The development of emotional intelligence skills had not been a true focus before. Over time, I’ve been fortunate to work with him as he has explored how he communicates, who he is, and how he reacts and responds. Where that helps him and where he can think differently. It’s been a journey and like all journeys he has faced many challenges along the way.

The person I see now is far more rounded and has greater emotional intelligence. They are well respected and personally empowered. They are confident with who they are and how they can drive success in their role and with the people around them. This understanding has enabled them to be the person they truly are without the need to compromise. By being real they feel more powerful and confident when driving their personal and business success.

What stops us from being real?

Most people will usually stop being real at work when they fear it means they won’t fit in. It might harm their careers, they won’t get that promotion, they will frustrate other people. The fear of not being good enough or not listened to. We might feel like an imposter, or that others skills or abilities are better than ours. Let’s conform, it’s much safer and easier! If we disagree or say something different people will think we’re stupid! Yet if we wanted everyone to think and feel the same way, we’d just employ robots, wouldn’t we?

Innovation and ideas come from competing thoughts, opinions, ideas, experience, skills, knowledge, personalities and ways of thinking and viewing the world. Examples of famous partnerships where the individuals had different styles or skills but founded successful companies and partnerships are; Larry Page and Sergey Brin (Google), and Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak (Apple).

What does it mean to be real at work?

To be more real at work we need to be able to:

? Know what our core values are and how they drive our actions and decisions

? Know our strengths and ensure we use them

? Know our challenges and how we can improve them

? Know our personal style preference and how we can adapt to others without compromising who we are or our message

? Be able to challenge ideas, approaches, and what is

? Give clear, open and detailed feedback, and be able to receive it as the gift it is intended to improve

? Practice honesty and individuality of ideas and approaches

? Have openness to change and seeing opportunities and possibilities in different ways.

? Manage frustration constructively – feed it back, drive change, align internally with the end result and what it means for us

? Practice positivity and realism in small groups only use negativity if it is to share to resolve– practice realism and optimism not negativity and pessimism

? Drive community -recognising differences and how different styles and approaches in a team can add perspective and value.

? Be courageous and try new things and approaches

? Adopt a growth mindset; see ourselves and others as a work in progress, always learning from mistakes and growing our personal and professional and skills and understanding

Connection comes from understanding

How can we expect people to listen to us or follow our ideas or plan if people don’t understand who we are? What are our passions? What are we good at? What are our driving values that others will know we will champion? If we keep our real selves’ hidden people will not understand what is really important to us.

We will never appeal to everyone, there will always be some people who don’t understand us. Equally, if we are unable to be real and honest then not only will it impact our connection with people we work with, but also potentially customers and clients too. The more powerfully that we can connect with others by being real, the less energy we spend trying to build relationships and connections. We’ll more likely work better together and create better results.

If you’re hiding your true self we’re less likely to trust you

Have you ever met someone that doesn’t sit right with you? It appears they have a lot more going on and they don’t say it. What is really going on in their mind? What are they really thinking? What do they really care about? What will they stand their ground for? Within our teams and work communities and even with our customers, clients and external stakeholders, we often have a gut feel when we don’t think someone is being truly real. We’ll then find it more difficult to trust or want to follow them. So, if we’re being real, we’re likely to connect more easily with our colleagues’ customers and suppliers. We’ll also feel more connected to our work too.

Do you bring your unique view and skills?

If we are constantly hiding our true selves, choosing to follow or go with the flow, are we really helping to drive work forward in the most productive and successful way? Challenge might seem difficult when received by others, but if we disagree or see another way and don’t say it for fear of something, then we’re holding back from moving things forwards and making it the best it can be.

What do you want to be known for?

Think about the people who are successful in your organisation, how would you describe them? I would describe them as the courageous people. They are innovators, sharing ideas, creating conversations, challenging process and decisions, learning and growing, connecting with others and lifting others up, supporting others, championing good work and ideas, driving progress for themselves, their team and others around them.

They aren’t always leaders either. But they do stand out because they refuse to consistently conform and accept what is. Constantly evolving and standing out from the crowd. If you do what you’ve always done and follow everyone around you then it’s less likely you’ll find new opportunities, more interesting work or the opportunity to progress.

As an organisation we need these people, otherwise how do we bring new ideas to the table? If we expect everyone to follow the line and never challenge, never show our passions, our frustrations or our concerns, then how will we ever take risks, create new ideas and drive new positive behaviours?

Growth comes from awareness of who we are

When we choose to hold back form challenging or giving our opinion surely, we are holding back our true selves, holding back the drive that takes us forwards?

Lifelong learning comes with the understanding that we aren’t the finished article. We see where we need to adapt and flex to work with others, and where we might be strong and where we might be weaker.

Alignment to who we are encourages success

If we’re unable to be our true selves we can spend a great amount of time worrying about things that distract us from doing our best work. For example, a parent who needs to leave early but can’t ask their boss, because the company doesn’t offer flexible working hours. The individual with a doctor’s appointment that can’t ask for time off because there’s an important meeting on at the same time, the person who dresses in a certain way to fit in, the individual who doesn’t speak up because they’re nervous at the response.

If we can be more honest about what we need and how we can make it work, we can remove the obstacles that stop us from getting on and getting our best work done. If we think that we have a voice, we can express ourselves fully. Then we think we have something to contribute and can speak up or challenge, we’re more productive and can progress.

Best for the team and for the achievement of results

When we are clear on who we are, how we act and behave consistently, we can see where others can help us to achieve our goals, and the goals for the business. In teams we can then utilise everyone’s skills and strengths effectively and openly to deliver the best outcome for the team. When we are real, we feel confident to speak up to challenge ideas, challenge decisions and provide more opportunity to influence and make our mark on a project.

Does your organisation create a work environment to drive realism?

Here’s some ways to encourage authentic behaviours.

Live and breathe the values and mission of the organisation

Ensure that everyone is clear on your mission, vision and goals, and the behaviours and values that will help or drive the business and people to success. Everyone can then hold each other to account for these and use them to help drive decision making. If your people can’t vocalise what the company stands for and how it does business and how people work best to succeed, then you will lack the capacity to drive individual strengths and innovation. Connection to these values allows people to be more of themselves and more real as they connect who they are with who the company is and their role in its success.

Role model transparent and honest leadership and management

Do what you say and say what you do, so there are no hidden agendas. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Provide regular, clear and consistent communication across the organisation

Share what’s working and what isn’t. Creating the story and the journey and bringing your people along with it, so they understand why you are heading where you are and they can then bring ideas and thoughts to the table. Encouraging people to bring their ideas, challenges and changes. Encouraging people to challenge each other, give constructive feedback and always think about why you’re doing what you’re doing and how things can be done effectively with respect for each other.

Share where you are doing well and share where things need to improve. Champion teams and individuals driving results and achieving success. Share where there are challenges and how people can pull together to drive results.

Drive a challenge and feedback culture

Create an environment where people feel able to bring ideas, and feel comfortable speaking their mind to recognise or challenge. Where ideas are for the improvement of the business and process, but also providing feedback to each other – in meetings, in teams, in performance reviews etc. Feedback is passion, it shows people care, they want to make things better. Don’t ignore ideas and opinions, create an environment where people can provide input to drive improvements and achievements.

Be a Black Box thinker

Last year I created a Black Box thinking team. We meet to discuss where things aren’t working, where mistakes have been made and where we can potentially see ways to improve things to improve commercial success in the business. The team drives decision making, creates changes and drives suggestions for improving commercial reporting and decisions. Everyone is encouraged and does question what isn’t working and challenges each other and the business to drive different or new to improve.

The most important part is giving feedback with a no blame culture; we learn from mistakes to improve. People are encouraged to be themselves, speak up, bring their skills, experience and opinions and help to drive positive change. It drives people to really care about the business and how it is performing. It drives improvements in what you do, what you make, how you do things and improves and builds relationships across the organisation and teams at all levels. It recognises each individual for the strengths and experiences they can bring to the meeting.

Have some fun!

We spend a lot of time at work with our colleagues. I often see people who really respect each other and enjoy working together still facing challenges between them as competing goals and priorities can make collaboration more difficult. Taking time out to celebrate, learn and have some fun together can enable people to re-connect with each other and across the business and build greater bonds. When we feel part of a community, we feel more connected and able to be open and real.

Be real at work - realistically

Being real needs care too, it doesn’t mean that we should just rock up in our pyjamas to work. It’s also not appropriate to say everything on our mind all the time, or expect people to accept everything we say and do because we think we are being real. It’s not appropriate to let our guard down fully. But we should be able to express our personality, appreciate our strengths and be able to use them. We need to be known for and appreciated for our unique talents and skills, without thinking we have to confirm to a specific approach or language. It’s about being true to your values and who you are, and not hiding your true thoughts and feelings where appropriate.

What if we want to achieve more?

How do we bring out the best parts of ourselves to enable others around us to see what we are capable of? It’s about understanding who we are; our strengths and weaknesses; when we can flourish and when we should hold back. It’s having the emotional intelligence to be able to know we aren’t perfect and that we need to continue on a journey of self-discovery with every new challenge we face. We can understand where the gaps are and how we need to adapt, change our communication style, flex our style and push ourselves outside of our comfort zone. To find new parts of ourselves, achieve things that we didn’t think possible before. We might not even think that we are capable of something and so build what it means for us to be real.

Who we are can evolve over time

As we grow, learn and face new challenges and experiences and meet new people our sense of self, who we are, and what’s important to us can evolve too. Compromising who we are just means saying we aren’t good enough, and that is never true. Yet we also need to be aware that our values and what’s important to us can change too. Have you ever faced a big work or life change only to find it forces you to really look at yourself, what you want, what’s important to you, the habits you’ve formed, the people you see, the work you do, the assumptions you’ve made? It drives us to question who we are and what is important to us. When we make a change, we reflect and try other approaches and as some seem comfortable and work for us, they become a part of who we are.

Drive a growth mindset 

Are you someone who fears failure? Does that hold you back from bringing more of you to your work? If you have a fixed mindset, you’re more likely to expect perfection from yourself, you’ll want to succeed and fear failure. You’re likely comfortable in routine and doing what you’ve always done if you can do it well and people respect you for it. Why would you want to make things tougher if you’re shining and respected right where you are?

If you view life from a growth mindset perspective, you’ll face setbacks and challenges but failure won’t define you. Instead, you’ll want to continue to learn and grow and be better. Trying and then not succeeding isn’t failing, it is learning and growing.

Step into the unknown

Take this blog for instance. I have a passion for writing, I enjoy it and it energises me. I like the practice of bringing an idea to paper and crafting a story. I hope to try to provide some insight that might help you; the reader, to reflect and see other perspectives for when you are faced with change in your working life. Do I think that my writing is perfect? Not at all. Sometimes the writing flows and other times it can be difficult. But every time I write a blog, I feel like I am crafting my skill at writing and my ability to share knowledge and insight. I also hope that over time my writing is improving. (If it isn’t then give me some constructive feedback!). In fact, one of my ultimate ambitions is to write a book; fact or fiction, I haven’t quite worked out which yet, and who knows it could be both! The point is that my writing won’t appeal to everyone. Some people tell me that it adds value to their thinking and they read it, so I continue. Even greater, I am learning, developing and growing as a writer all the time.

When I posted my first blog over a year ago, I literally shook with nerves! It felt vulnerable and exposing putting my thoughts out there. Would anyone read it, and would anyone even care? Then, the next day someone in the community took the time to email me and congratulate me for getting started, because that often is the toughest part. That meant a lot, and sometimes all we need is a little courage to get going. So, if you are not sure whether you can do something, be something or want to change something, to drive you closer to being the real you, think about your mindset. Is it fixed or can you see opportunities to grow and learn by taking that step forwards?

Realness drives consistency

Think of famous athletes who capture our imagination with their skills and strength. Usain Bolt is an athlete that has always let his personality shine through. When he ran, we would see the determination and extroversion, both at events and afterwards. He was always consistent, you knew what to expect.

Equally think of people who you admire, they are usually successful because they have a clear approach and values that we see and hear consistently in what they say and what they do. Their consistency and confidence about who they are allows them to progress and be successful in their own unique way.

What sets you apart from others? Are you really able to show your uniqueness? Being real and true to who you are will enable you to stand out at work and progress and fulfil your ambitions. What parts of you are you holding back or seeing as negative that might stop you from using your skills? What would that look like if you looked at your fears from a different perspective? How might they be strengths to power you forwards and allow you to be real and aligned to who you truly are?

7 habits to become more real

In a recent Inc article Peter Economy shares the work of Henna Inam and her book ‘Wired for Authenticity’. She says that all of us want to work for and with people who are their authentic selves--who don't try to be someone they're not, but many of us don’t know how to create it. She shares seven specific practices anyone can use to be more authentic in their everyday life.

1. Befriend your body

While we spend most of our waking hours inhabiting our minds, it's our bodies that project to the outside world the kind of person we are. Your body can project confidence or timidity, power or weakness. Learn how to best project the authentic you.

2. Stay curious

We discover ourselves in both our strengths and in our weaknesses.

3. Let go

To discover your true, authentic self, let go of who you think you are. Let go of labels, the limiting beliefs, the resistance to what is, and the things you can't control.

4. Give yourself an A

Accept all parts of ourselves and who we are--the good, the bad, the ugly, the parts that aren't perfect, the parts that fail, and the parts that don't conform to society's expectations of us.

5. Choose be before do

Instead of doing things as a matter of habit, slow down, step back, and consciously choose the actions you are going to take.

6. Face the dragon

Look fear in the eye, and then take courageous action. Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's the ability to choose something that's more important to us than the fear we feel. If something is important enough to us, no amount of fear will stop us from achieving whatever goal it is we set for ourselves.

7. Dance with the dream

Dream your best dreams and then dedicate yourself to making them real. When we pursue our dreams, we can see and express who we really are.

Are you conforming or bringing your real self to all you do?

We really do have one life to make it count. Make the most of possibilities and opportunities that support and drive all that is great about you and your skills and strengths. Be courageous, be focused and keep moving forwards.

Come to the edge!

Let’s finish with this poem by Christopher Logue. (Thanks to Mary Portas for sharing this poem in her book ‘Work Like a Woman’).

If you’re still fearful of being more real or more of who you really are, then what’s holding you back? What if you knew you wouldn’t fall?

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge.

It’s too high.

COME TO THE EDGE!

And they came,

And he pushed,

And they flew.

This article first appeared at www.thechangeconnection.co.uk on 26 March 2019.