Are You a Chatbot or a Human Listener?

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??????????????????????????????? “You’re wrong,” he said, shocking all of us. It was a sunny afternoon, and we were all dealing with torrents of sweat, while trying to concentrate on the International Communication’s lecture. The lecturer had, in explaining the effects of British imperialism, said “English is the most spoken second language in the world today.” We did not think much about it, because we thought it was obvious. But this fellow, so determined to prove everyone wrong, clung to it, ?searched the internet for evidence to counter it.

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??????????????????????????????? And so as we moved on to the next point, he didn’t. He stayed online, until he finally found what he thought was a good counterpoint. “You were not correct,” he repeated, as the entire class stopped to figure out what factual inaccuracy the lecturer had uttered. “You said English is the second most spoken language in the world today, and that is so wrong!”

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??????????????????????????????? His face was now glowing with victory, a kind of defiant confidence etching itself unto his dimples. You could see, even without looking, the boast of triumph rising in him. We were taken aback, Not so much for what he had said, but how he had said it, the audacity and motive of it.

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??????????????????????????????? “I’m not sure you got me right,” the lecturer responded, half laughing. “I said English is the most spoken second language, meaning most people learn to speak English as a second language. If you look around, most people who speak other languages such as French and Japanese tend to learn English as a second language. That’s what I meant.”

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??????????????????????????????? The class was now raucous with laughter, with some students throwing different names At the boy, whose face had molded itself into a lump of embarrassment. “Over Sabi, Show-show, Mr. Know All.” It took the intervention of the lecturer, a nice, clean-cut ?man in his early fifties, to stop the hurling of names.

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??????????????????????????????? As the class continued, I kept thinking about it, until this Stephen Covey’s quote came to mind:

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Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

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Et voila, that was ?what went wrong! That is what barriers effective communication every day.

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??????????????????????????????? When you’re listening to respond, your interest is to find a suitable response to what’s being said. I know you’re thinking, “but that’s what I should be doing. After all, doesn’t the speaker expect a reply?”

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??????????????????????????????? Well, yes. The speaker expects a reply, but you can only give one that’s appropriate when you’ve understood him. And that doesn’t happen when you keep trying to construct a response while he is speaking, because you would most likely miss certain important details due to your divided attention. If the student in our class incident had been listening attentively, he would have picked up the key differentiator in both statements, the position of the ”most.”

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??????????????????????????????? When you’re inattentive, your response is formed on assumptions, such as “I know what he’s about to say,” or “I already know where he’s headed.” ?Your reply is based on half-thoughts, instead of the whole message. This can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, or portray you as lacking empathy.

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In today’s world, where everyone is seeking to be heard, you must remember to hear, to fully listen, before seeking the same. Whether at work or at home, when someone is speaking to you, your immediate preoccupation should not be on how to respond, it should be to listen to the person fully, to immerse yourself in their message. Be present, ask questions, repeat the things you don’t understand, encourage the person to pour himself out; use verbal and non-verbal cues to affirm their feelings.

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??????????????? And when he is done speaking, do not be in a hurry to respond. There’s no reward for those who are quick to answer, there’s only one for those who answer correctly. And answering correctly requires you to take time to process what has been said, to examine the nuances, to choose the right words, even the right tone. This might be a crazy recommendation in this fast-pace world, but remember that if the person needed fast answers barren of human experiences, he would have spoken to ChatGPT and other soulless bots out there.

So, the next time someone is speaking to you, will you choose to be the fast-answering chatbot or the attentive human listener?

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NJUKANG PRINCELEY

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