Are You Chasing Your True Aspirations or Someone Else’s?

We recently received a question ?? that got me reflecting deeply, and I think it’s one you can probably relate to:

“How do I live my core values while also wanting to lean into aspirational values? One of my core values is growth, but sometimes it feels like I’m trying to ‘be more’—is it because of whispers from others, or is it about limiting beliefs? Am I chasing something I don’t actually want?”

Wow, right? Such powerful questions! I love that they are asking the hard, introspective questions you often avoid because it feels so challenging to figure out. Constantly second-guessing and judging yourself in the process.

It got me thinking about my own journey and how you can sometimes feel a tug-of-war between who you are and who you want to be.

I sure know that feeling…

My Inner Tug of War

Years ago, I was deeply invested in the value of Success. Everything I did was motivated by wanting to climb the ladder and get recognition through promotions, titles, and awards. And be seen as a "successful" rockstar by others.

But in my mind I had a constant screaming whisper that told me I should be doing more, be better, and reach for higher goals. That I was a loser if I didn’t give 110%, and I could outperform everyone around me by throwing every ounce of myself into everything, I said eagerly yes to even when my body was saying no.

It was exhausting. And worse? It wasn’t even my voice I was listening to.

It was the voice of my abusive father that I’d taken on as my inner critic even though we were estranged for years. HIS definition of Success was what was driving me, even though it was the complete opposite of my authentic self.

Today, I define Success as having a consistent sense of Authenticity, Inner Harmony and Freedom. Instead, they were the echoes of my father and society’s idea of Success, and I was burning myself out trying to achieve them.

When I finally paused, I realized something: I didn’t actually want the hustle and grind lifestyle that came with the kind of Success I was chasing. I wanted the slow down the f* down kind of Success that comes with ease and grace.

That moment of clarity changed everything. And I want that for you too!

So, getting back to the original inquiry, how do you balance your authentic core values with the desire to grow into your aspirational values (aka the ones you wished drove you each day)?

Let’s break it down.??

Tip #1: ?? Examine Your Aspirational Values

First and foremost, look closely at the values you’re aspiring to. Are they truly yours or what you think you’re "supposed" to care about?

For example, your core value might be Growth, but if it’s constantly making you feel like you’re chasing an unattainable standard, it’s worth questioning whether that growth is coming from a place of self-love or external pressure.

Ask yourself:

• Does this aspirational value make me feel filled or drained energetically? ????
• Does this value align with what I really want, or is it a “should” imposed by societal norms or other people’s expectations? ????(Like my experience with my dad.)

One of my favorite quotes is, “If you’re working really hard for something you care about, it’s called passion. If you’re working really hard for something you don’t care about, it’s called stress.”

And that’s??basically the difference between being aligned or in violation of your own core values. Make sense?

Tip #2: ?? Reframe “More” as “Better Alignment”

Instead of feeling like you always need to do more or be more, reframe growth as a process of better alignment with your core values.

Growth doesn’t have to mean pushing yourself to achieve something new or different. It can mean deepening your connection to who you already are and evolving in ways that feel natural and aligned. You don’t have to climb every mountain—you just get to climb the ones that matter to you.

Try this:

When you feel the need to grow, ask yourself, “Does this align with my core values?”

If it doesn’t, it might not be the kind of growth that will truly serve you right now.

Tip #3: ?? Balance Core & Aspirational Values with Compassion

It’s important to remember that living your core values and aspiring to new ones is not a competition. They can coexist—but they need balance.

You might aspire to a value like Ambition, but if your core value is Inner Harmony, you must ensure that your drive for success isn’t at the expense of your well-being.

Practical tip:

• Start by setting boundaries around how much time and energy you give to your aspirational values. ?
• Check-in regularly: Are they enhancing your life or causing unnecessary stress???
• If they’re adding positive energy, great! If not, it’s time to step back and reassess.?

Here’s My Reminder ??

When I feel torn between living my core values and leaning into aspirational ones, I always remind myself of one thing:

If you feel energized, it’s because your values are in action. And if you feel drained, it’s because they’re not. Set boundaries accordingly.

Aspirational values are meant to inspire - they should never make you judge or override what makes you feel alive and true to yourself.

Final Words of Encouragement

You don’t need to “do more” or “be more” to live a fulfilling life. What truly matters is honoring the values that resonate with your soul—and giving yourself permission to be human along the way.

If you’re unsure of how your values align or feel like you’re in a tug-of-war between them, now’s the perfect time to take action and gain clarity.

?? Take our free Core Values Quiz and discover what’s driving you today and what might be aspirational values that no longer serve you. It’s the perfect first step to aligning your life with what truly matters!

I hope this gives you clarity and inspires you to live in alignment with your values—both core and aspirational!