If you can’t say something nice… Four tips for effective praise
Last week I wrote about the power of praise and appreciation to help make your workplace more productive and humane. It’s all well and good to suggest that you should say nice things, but how do you do it? On the surface this may seem like a foolish question, but because we live in a culture that prioritizes criticism over kindness, here are some guidelines that might help you find new, appropriate, useful, kind things to say.
- Praise what you want to see more of. What’s reinforced will be repeated. If you praise positive things you’ll see more of them. If you focus only on the negative then that's the behavior that might increase, if only because the person will be so nervous they can only think of what they did wrong and may not a see a way to do things right.
- Be specific. Telling someone they did a good job is a nice start. When you are calling out specific things they did well, they know you paid attention to their actions and aren’t just toeing the line. They also know that you recognize they do certain things particularly well so are more likely to continue to do them well.
- Personal praise/professional praise?. This is a tricky one, but I find value in offering lots of praise across the board, not just in relation to specific tasks. If you like someone’s shoes, tell them. You can also let them know they did a great job managing a meeting or running an analysis. By building a relationship that includes a variety of appreciation they will be more likely to believe you when you praise them about something specific and work related because they know you’re paying attention to them in general.
- But I can’t think of anything to say! What if there’s nothing to praise?? I can’t tell you how often I hear this in workshops when I ask people to appreciate each other. Praise doesn’t have to be huge and over-reaching. At worst, you can praise someone for trying. At worst, you can tell them that you appreciate the time and effort they put into something, that it is clearly meaningful to them. At worst, you can ask them what they think they did well. Remember, praise is not for your own benefit (though I think you will be a better person for being able to say nice things to people) it is for the support and growth of those around you. Reach. Use your imagination. You will find something. If you can't that may tell you more about your current state than it does about the quality of their work.
What does all of this have to do with storytelling or with the workplace? Everything. As a storytelling coach I have seen amazing things happen when unsure performers are well listened to and then told they are doing something right. As a consultant I've seen cultures change when people start praising first. I’ve seen this time and time again; when people know they have something worthwhile to offer that has been noticed, they are much more likely to work harder to make it even better.
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(c) 2017 Laura Packer