You can't please everyone

You can’t please everyone.

Happy Friday, I hope your week was grand! Can you believe that summer is coming to an end soon? I can't; I feel like time is flying by; nonetheless, I push to enjoy every day. All we have is today, the present, our daily gift. I am a major Kendrick Lamar fan; a couple of weeks ago, he made his way to Austin. My son, my nephew and I attended the concert. I was in awe at his musical talent, authenticity, and profound lyrics—one song, in particular, stuck with me CROWN . The premise of the song is that you can’t please everybody. He stated in the song, "I can't even please myself, I thought a new car would help, but when a new car gets old, I'm sure to want something else." His words are valid, you cannot please everybody, and the truth be told, many of us cannot please ourselves.

The world and American society are filled with people who are insatiable in one way or another. No matter where they go, who they are with, and how much money they make, they are never happy. These people are typically the common dominator of misery and dissatisfaction. Avoid people like this as if they have the plague. Some people desire to be around whomever they have an affinity bias towards, e.g., same alma mater, part of the same sorority, or amongst the elitists. That is okay, let them. They are limiting themselves to the diversity of people, which is their prerogative. You can only control yourself and your response to things, nothing else. Some people think they can, but none of us can. No matter how hard you try, you cannot make everyone happy or like you. It is not your issue; everyone is raised with different perspectives on what is right and wrong.

The perspective pendulum swings from expectations of dress code to proper etiquette, but everyone is different. I am from California, but my father was older when I was born and prior military. He demanded that we had manners and were respectful at all times. To this day, I habitually say yes sir and yes ma’am; one would think being polite is suitable for everyone, but I have had several people unhappy with what I considered good manners. What happens next? Do I throw out the manners embedded in me to please others or adjust and adapt? The latter, it is okay to change at times, but assimilation is another whole story. Setting healthy boundaries is necessary with friends, family, and in the workplace. Remember, you will never be everyone’s cup of tea. You're not designed for everyone to like you.

At a certain point in your life, you should have an aha moment when you realize you want to do something or be someone different. Change is okay; in fact, it is excellent and proof that you are evolving. When you spend your life attempting to make others happy, the by-product can be making yourself miserable. Stop people pleasing and figure out a balance, you should respect others and even ideas that differ from your own, but you cannot always change for the sake of people pleasing.

I remember talking to a co-worker, and someone was not "impressed" by me. The truth was they were the least of my concern. But when it was said, apparently, my face responded before my brain could. My co-worker said, "Neffie, do not worry about it. It is okay if someone does not like you; everyone does not have good taste." That made me smile, but either way, I was good. You see, we often post things, make jokes, dress a certain way, or work our fingers to the bone looking for a response. We internalize the attention, but does it matter? The hard truth, nope! If you do the best of your ability with the tools and resources, you have access to, let it be.

Attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect, and mirror what you admire.

Keep in mind, that what goes up must come down, and things change. If we think that the limelight is everlasting, you may want to reevaluate that thought process. I have seen people in lovely homes face foreclosure, people with tummy tucks gain their weight back, people that climbed the corporate ladder land back to the first step, and beautiful marriages end. The people that were their true friends were still there, but the entourage quickly flees when people hit rock bottom. Do things for you and only you. Do not get married because you are getting older, do not take a job that you do not want, and do not fall victim to any social standards that do not align with your own.

There are some benefits to not people pleasing:

Freedom – you can be you, do you, for you! It is liberating to be yourself.

Respect – when you are authentic, even the people who do not like you will respect you.

Peace – people pleasing is extremely stressful; life is more peaceful when you navigate within your parameters.

The only person that you need to be happy and healthy for is YOU. Please yourself; not everyone will get you, your quirkiness, or your desires, but as long as you love and respect yourself, you hit the jackpot! Remember, never set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” ― Lao Tzu