You Can't Go Home

I went as far as I could

I tried to find a new face

There isn't one of these lines that I would erase

I lived a million miles of memories on that road

With every step I take, I know that I'm not alone

You take the home from the boy

But not the boy from his home

These are my streets, the only life I've ever known

Who says you can't go home? – Jon Bon Jovi

Last week, I had a very powerful experience when I returned to my alma mater, BGSU. This was only my third time back to a place I spent 4 years. I had so many powerful emotions and takeaways that they are too numerous to capture in one post, so I will be posting multiple takeaways over the next few days if you all don’t mind. It is easier to write and easier to consume.

I began my college career thousands of miles from my home in Boise, Idaho, at Boise State University. I went there to play football and get my degree in that order. It was not easy for me to be that far from home. I was born and raised in the Detroit area. I had some behavioral issues at home that made me a really good football player but not very coachable and not a great teammate. Through the recruiting process, I learned some very hard critical lessons. First of all, everyone has a story. The most successful people in life are the ones who have made sense of their own stories and have owned their own “stuff” in these stories. Also, it is important not to have a hero or a victim in our stories. Just tell it as a story without that pressure. You are more likely to be honest and raw in your recollection of the facts.

My time at Boise created a lifetime of memories in a very short time. I was lucky to meet lifelong brothers and fulfill a childhood dream, to play major college football. Time was wild as sometimes it went by at lightning speed, and other times it moved like molasses. Because of my issues (I will explain later) in high school, I boarded a plane in Detroit on a one-way plane ticket for the rest of my life. I had one military duffle bag with a few pieces of clothing and an alarm clock (amazing how I remember that alarm clock, every detail of it).

I found success at Boise State. I traveled and lettered as a Freshman which was rare at that time. I was lucky (I would not have admitted this then) to realize early (real early) that football was not my future. On my first contact play at Boise, I took one of the hardest hits of my life. Paul Dilulo was the hitter. He was the blocking back for Marcus Allen at USC, and Allen won the Highsman Trophy. He was also originally from Boise and was homesick. Unfortunately for me, I was his first hit home. Paul hit me so hard that I flew backward and landed on my shoulder blades first. That was the first time in all the years of playing football that I had been knocked on my back. My good friend, JR Butler says that I got “knocked into my sales career” and he is right! In that single moment on the football field at Boise State (no they did not have the blue turf then) I had a reality check. I was not going to be a superstar in football and certainly not play in the NFL. I had better get my grades and get the grades I did. Also, the guy that I played behind at my position was John Rade. On the first day of film study, I watched Rade do things that I would never be able to do. He went on to play a long time as the starting middle linebacker for the Atlanta Falcons in the NFL.

Boise taught me another valuable lesson. The most successful people I have ever met are very self-aware. How they view themselves is the same as others view them. In my case, I had a little help and it was called a film projector. In college, they film every minute of your time on a football field. This includes how you warm up, how you execute, and how you mentally react to your surroundings. The lesson: The Eye In The Sky Does Not Lie. I had all the evidence I needed that football was not my career future but academic performance was.

In 1983, I transferred to BGSU. I had some good films, an additional 20 pounds, a good Freshman year, and a determination to be successful in life. Bowling Green State University rewarded me with a full athletic scholarship to play football and go to school. Or better said, go to school and play football.

Just because you change your environment does not mean that you change your psychology. That takes self-awareness, self-reflection, and a desire to be the best version of yourself that you can be. I did not realize that some of the things that made me a good football player were some hard experiences in childhood. I have not decided how much I am going to get into that whole experience, but let me sum it up. Alcohol and drug abuse in the home, parents trying to survive, total financial collapse, family members trying to survive. You have seen the movie before and I am sure you get the point. Again, there are no heroes and no victims in this story. It’s just a story.

So, if you are up for it, I would like to share my story with you in a series of posts over the next few days or weeks. You will bless me with any observations or comments that might help me or someone else reading these. If you have experiences that are too personal to share, don’t be afraid to DM me. I TRY to answer anyone who contacts me. Lastly, please realize that these posts are more for me than you so just click on by if it does not grab you. You won’t offend me. Check out this knucklehead picture of me as an 18-year-old Freshman at Boise State in 1981. Let the games (and comments begin - go easy on the hair comments). Bowling Green State University BGSU Schmidthorst College of Business Boise State University