"You can't get around fear. You can only go through it."

Hello and welcome back to Grounded in English. I had a little break over Christmas to figure out what the hell I wanted to be talking about.

I've been reading Viv Groskop 's book 'How to Own the Room Women and the Art of Brilliant Speaking'. I'm writing this blog after only reading the first chapter but it's already resonated so much that I wanted to share some thoughts.

The majority of the population feels nervous when 'presenting'. When I say presenting, I am talking about a range of opportunities. Interviews, leading meetings, participating in meetings, traditional presentations, any situation where you are speaking and other people are watching/listening to you, that's what I'm talking about.

There are of course some people who feel less nervous than others. Why is that?

Some have had more practice than others. The more you practice, the less nervous you will feel. For the simple fact that you have more evidence of the world not ending as a result.

If you take me as one example. I feel nervous, but not enough to stop me in my tracks and make me not want to carry out the task.

And why is that? Is there some strange ability I have that enables me not to feel nervous? Is there some skill I've honed? Is there some course or someone somewhere who taught me how to be more confident than others?

No. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

The truth is, I have had practice. I have a bank of evidence that means I know I'm going to survive. I know it's going to be okay.

A brief list of the evidence I have is:

• 5-year-old me singing twinkle twinkle little star in front of 150 people and asking everyone to close their eyes so I had the confidence to sing. (Check me out, finding a strategy to overcome the nerves at 5).
• 10-year-old me playing Jack in Jack and the Beanstalk and being one of the only girls who auditioned.
• 11-year-old me delivering a speech about domestic violence in front of my class.
• Countless dance and drama shows between the ages of 12 and 18.
• A 3-year acting degree with multiple public performances (including stand-up comedy, improv theatre etc.) up to the age of 21.

And I'll stop there. From 5 to the age of 21. I had so a huge number of experiences that called for me to 'present'.

So, what is the difference between me and someone else who hasn't had that experience of 'presenting' but who perhaps has the same work experience and is being asked to do the same thing? (Lead a meeting, deliver a session, give a presentation etc.)

The likelihood is that I will feel less nervous. Not because I'm more prepared (although that helps). Not because I know more. Not because I'm 'better'. Simply for the fact that I have more evidence and instances of when I've done it before. Even though my experience is not directly related to my work, I have had plenty of opportunities to 'present'. I have proof that I'll be okay.

The point I'm making is, you can't get to a point where you feel more secure, unless you go through the feeling of it being scary. You have to do it. Even with the fear.

As Viv says in her book, "You can't get around fear. You have to go through it."

'Presenting' isn't a comfortable thing. You'll probably never get to the point where you do it and feel completely secure and nerve-free. And that doesn't need to be your aim.

So instead of looking for ways to speak English without feeling nervous. Instead, maybe it's about finding ways to speak English despite feeling nervous. You can't eradicate it, so why not work with it? And before you know it you'll feel differently about it because you have a list of experiences that prove you can do it and the world won't fall apart.