You can't be everyone's cuppa tea...?

I have the very British curse of resorting to a nice cuppa tea as my crutch at work and in life to be fair. I'm on five cups of tea a day at the moment....please don't judge.

No seriously.

It was inevitable that at some point my emotional and physical dependency on this caffeinated crutch would crash into my world of writing, this week I'm using it to explore this idea and my experience of popularity and leadership, and actually whether the two are compatible.

Let me come out and say it, as a leader I don't think you can be everyone's cuppa tea, nor should you try to. For the purpose of this piece let's be clear by leader here I never go by title, some of the best leaders I've met didn't have seniority.

My experience has always been referenced in my values in how I lead, and at its most intrinsic level of just doing the right thing. That inevitably means doing difficult things that others might shy away from. Let's be honest many in the workplace have made a career, and an art, of shying away from making those decisions.

How many slippery shoulders have you been the victim of sliding off from?

Thought so...

But that's the rub of being values-driven. It means you will have to encounter the grim and the gruesome- but being intentional in doing something about it. If you lead in this values-centric way, you will get to the right place, but that doesn't mean popularity will always follow.

My experience of leadership has meant that I've embraced this necessity, particularly when I held a national role in investigating police misconduct in London- going where the evidence led. That often meant controversy, but to me, that was always incidental to doing the right thing.

But it wasn't easy.

I say this as someone who's been there and has the many scars to prove it.

So are you prepared for this? Because it isn't for everyone.

If you want popularity, or to be generally liked- then true leadership will always be something that remains out of reach, because you cannot be liked by everyone or should you try to be. That's a reality that needs to be embraced.

But if you can be respected, then I think that's a good place to end up.

There's a book that I'm reading at the minute which speaks to this idea:

I'm working my way through it at the moment, its an articulation of what I've felt and practiced for years but for now, let me share this one quote:

" It is true that there is no person who wishes to be disliked. But look at it this way: what should one do not to be disliked by anyone?"

Exactly.

Well, you would have to please everyone. And if you do that, you do that at the expense of yourself, your values, and your mental health. It's also not sustainable because eventually you get found out.

As I said at the start you can't be everyone's cuppa tea.

It's okay to be your own brew.

Go on, let them stew.

( Sal walks away to put the kettle on....)

It's what Freddy said, it's time to break free, and my reminder for those stuck in a toxic culture.

One of the biggest things I have seen and advised on when dealing with toxic cultures is facilitating the realisation for people that they are stuck inside one.

It seems obvious from the outside, but that's always the way because with distance comes perspective. If you`re that goldfish stuck in the bowl, and that's all you know or remember- how can you get your head around the idea of an ocean being out there?

And yet there is, but the biggest barrier is realising that you are in that bowl. That your limitations, and what you are feeling aren't down to you. It's down to the damaging and limiting effects of your environment.

Yep, you`re stuck inside a toxic culture.

It's not you, it's them.

And repeat, until you believe...

" Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why they call it the present."

Master Oogway- Kung Fu Panda.

Yep, I went there- but just go with it, it's all about mindfulness isn't it?

Have the best week ahead.

Sal Naseem FRSA ??

#FindingYourTrueNorth #WeRiseByLiftingEachOther