You Can’t Double-Dutch and Actively Listen at the Same Time

I wrote a post recently about listening being one of my greatest gifts. I listen to what’s being said and not said. I listen between the lines and in the undercurrents. This skill has served me well in life and is one I developed and honed as a 24-year trial attorney.

Now retired from the practice of law and working with leaders and employees to create inclusive cultures where every person and every voice matters , it’s not lost on me how important it is for everyone to hone their active listening skills.

Practicing active listening and developing effective dialogue techniques is essential to creating an environment where every voice is heard, respected, and valued. Practicing these skills will allow each of us to contribute to building more inclusive and harmonious relationships, both personally and professionally.

The Importance of Active Listening:

Many of us engage in what I call double-dutching during conversations. Just rocking back and forth in our minds waiting for our turn to jump in. However, this is a sure-fire way to derail a conversation.

Active listening serves as the foundation for inclusive conversations. It involves not only hearing the words spoken by others but also fully engaging with their perspectives, emotions, and experiences. Through active listening, we demonstrate empathy, build trust, and create an environment where all participants feel safe to share their viewpoints.

Studies are mixed on how much of what we hear, we actually retain. However, by employing active listening techniques, we can enhance comprehension and demonstrate respect for others' thoughts and feelings. Active listening involves focusing on the speaker, maintaining eye contact, and avoiding distractions. It also includes reflecting on what is being said, asking clarifying questions, and providing verbal and nonverbal cues that show genuine interest.

Techniques for Promoting Dialogue and Understanding:

1. Cultivate a Safe and Inclusive Space: Establish an environment where honest and open dialogue can occur and where diverse perspectives are welcomed and valued. Encourage participants to share their thoughts without fear of judgment or retribution. Create ground rules that promote respectful and inclusive communication. Hold people accountable for maintaining this safe and inclusive space.
2. Practice Reflective Listening: Reflective listening involves paraphrasing and summarizing the speaker's message to ensure accurate understanding. It demonstrates that you are actively engaged and interested in their viewpoint. By restating their words, you not only clarify your understanding but also convey empathy and validation.
3. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Open-ended questions invite deeper insights and encourage participants to elaborate on their perspectives. By asking questions that begin with "what," "how," or "why," you create opportunities for meaningful dialogue and uncover different layers of understanding.
4. Engage in Perspective-Taking: Empathy plays a crucial role in fostering inclusive conversations. We can never “put ourselves in their shoes.” However, we can strive to understand other’s experiences and emotions. Additionally, we should never discount or disregard people’s lived experiences. They are their own. Imagine how you would feel in their situation and consider the influences that shape their perspectives.

Navigating Conflicts:

Conflicts are natural in any conversation, but they also provide opportunities for growth and understanding. When navigating conflicts in inclusive conversations, it's essential to approach them constructively and respectfully:

1. Remain Calm and Respectful: When conflicts arise, it's crucial to maintain composure and approach the situation with respect. Check your biases. Avoid personal attacks or derogatory language. Focus on the issue at hand and seek a resolution that respects the dignity and viewpoints of all participants.
2. Seek Common Ground: Look for shared interests or values that can serve as a basis for finding common ground. Emphasize areas of agreement to foster a sense of collaboration and build bridges between differing perspectives.
3. Practice Active Problem-Solving: Encourage a problem-solving mindset where you actively work together to find mutually beneficial solutions. Focus on the issues and the intended outcome rather than personal differences. Explore different possibilities and be open to compromise.

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Let’s chat:

How have you applied active listening techniques to foster inclusive conversations in your personal or professional life? Share an experience where active listening positively influenced the outcome of a challenging conversation.

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By valuing diverse perspectives, practicing reflective listening, asking open-ended questions, and navigating conflicts constructively, you can contribute to creating a safe, inclusive, and accountable culture where every person and every voice truly matters.

About the Author:

Kelly Charles-Collins , is a dedicated advocate for creating inclusive cultures where every person and every voice truly matters. With over two decades of experience as an employment law trial attorney, she empowers leaders and teams to shatter the internal silence that often surrounds difficult conversations and toxic situations. She works with companies to transform workplaces into safe, inclusive, and accountable spaces. She aims to keep companies out of courtrooms and newsrooms by proactively addressing issues related to unconscious bias, bystander intervention, and courageous conversations. Kelly's mission is to foster a sense of belonging and unity, driving productivity and promoting a healthier workplace environment.

If your company or association is seeking guidance on creating an inclusive, conversational culture where every person and every voice matters, Kelly is available as a keynote speaker, corporate trainer, fireside chat guest, panelist, podcast, or television guest. Schedule a call with Kelly now.?