You Can't Do It!

When I was a small child there were 2 people who changed the course of my life without meaning to. My mother always told me I could be whatever I wanted in life. My grandfather taught me to be a gentleman by example. My Father taught me that we can love someone much more than ourselves. My little brother showed me how someone can turn their life around. But this is not about any of them. This is not about people who love us and nurture us. This is a blog about all the cruel people and how we can turn negativity into something that drives us to excel.

Most of us have people in our lives who love us and want to see us succeed. They encourage us with positive reinforcement. Then someone comes along and shatters our rose-colored glasses with a single comment. We latch onto a negative. We begin to think all the people who compliment us are just being polite or being nice because they are family. Why do we do that? As children we are more malleable, but we do it even as adults.

Doubter #1 "You are just booksmart."

I remember that in 2nd or 3rd grade another little boy told me, "You are just booksmart." He said it as if it was a terrible insult. I realize now that he was jealous and insecure about his own abilities, but I was just a kid then and sought the approval of other kids. I replied, "What do you mean? I am also good at sports and can't you learn almost anything from books?" He laughed and said, "You can only learn from books. You can't do anything else." "Like what?", I asked. "You could never be an artist or a musician", he said.

I had no answer for that and it troubled me. It was true. I had no artistic abilities. My mom had exposed my brother and I to art by covering the dinner table with newspaper and letting us paint as often as we wanted. I knew I couldn't draw. The closest I had come to being musical was humming along with my first record, Rossini's William Tell Overture. I had hit keys on my grandmother's piano and knew it didn't sound musical. Perhaps this little boy was right?

Me in South Africa with my Ouma and my "little hands"

Doubter #2 "Your hands are too small."

Little kids are often shockingly cruel and inconsiderate, but the 2nd person who doubted me was a teacher. While I was still ruminating on doubter #1, we took a test in school to determine what careers we might excel in. I scored very high in all subjects, especially math and science. The teacher told me that I would make a great scientist. She could have stopped there, but she had to add "you could never be an artist though." I asked why not and she held up my hands and said "your hands are too small. Artists have long lean fingers."

It is undeniable that long fingers are an advantage if you play piano or guitar. But couldn't someone with short fingers overcome that and find joy in music? And how do short fingers hinder a visual artist? Because I was young, and impressionable I suddenly hated my hands. It would take over 20 years for me to realize my hands are actually average size and that my hands are pretty amazing.

There is an assumption in our culture that the logical left-brain and visual right-brain must be in conflict. Someone who is good at math obviously can't be good at art. But aren't kids at a crossroads where they can go any direction based on what they enjoy most? I just found math easy, it wasn't that I loved it. Shouldn't kids explore all subjects so they find what resonates within them? Isn't it cruel to limit a child's potential because of our own assumptions?

My oldest remaining artwork - a bookmark I drew in marker when I was 5

Was I artistically handicapped?

I couldn't get the thought out of my mind that there was something I would never be able to do. When my mom had told me I could be anything in life, I had taken her seriously. Now someone was telling me I couldn't. I had some serious doubts. Was there really something wrong with me?

A vast majority of people believe that art is a gift and cannot be taught. I believe that art is something we all have inside ourselves and we just need a means to share it. We aren't born with the ability to communicate through drawing or painting, nor are we born with the ability to read. We can learn. Having the ability to communicate does not mean that we have something worth saying, but that is a topic for another blog. When I was a kid I also believed that art might really be some sort of gift.

How do we deal with the doubters in life?

Many of us accept what we are told and take the path of least resistance. We feed off encouragement and work harder at what we are already good at. But I was a rebellious kid. I decided that I would prove them all wrong! I began drawing in class when I should be studying. If I was "book smart", then why not just read the book on my own? I began looking at paintings from the Renaissance and copying comic book art. I sketched all the time. I had little hands to overcome. Soon I was drawing charicatures of my teachers and other students. I didn't take art classes because they all tried to get me to work non-representationally and that wasn't the kind of art that spoke to me.

Within a few years I was winning school art contests and even won a "Best Artist" award for the entire school. I had proven them wrong! Now I could get back to my math, right? Well, not exactly. I discovered that I loved drawing once I got good at it. Success is a great motivator. I ended up studying fine art at SCAD and UNCW , winning international acclaim, and the rest is history that you can view on my bio or LinkedIn profile.

If it were not for these 2 people, I might have become a scientist or engineer. If you know how much I love art or are familiar with my artwork, you may believe that I was born with a brush in my hand. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I became an artist simply because I was told I couldn't do it.

Dune jumping at the beach with my little brother looking on.

The lesson learned

The lesson I hope you will take from my life is in how I dealt with negative comments. I chose not to believe them and to turn perceived weaknesses into strengths. I chose to believe in myself instead of the doubters. We should be the ones who determine our path in life. Do we let our weaknesses determine what our strengths will be? Do some people become artists or not only because of their math scores and the opinions of others? Do you hate your job because you don't think you can succeed at doing something you love?

If you work hard at something and put in the time, you can overcome almost any obstacle. People like Ghandi and Helen Keller overcame odds that would crush most of us and they changed the world. Are we to ignore their example and accept that anything is beyond our reach?

Unleashing my inner superhero

A message to all those who doubted me

There have been many people in my life who doubted me. Most of these people have been small-minded and miserable themselves. They have insulted me and put their foot on my head whenever possible. They want to see their negative expectations fulfilled. To all of you who doubted me, I only have one thing to say. Thank you! Seriously. I bear you no ill will. In all honesty I probably would have never fallen in love with art if it were not for you.

There are enough negative people in the world to crush a small boy's dreams. We should all strive to be people who encourage even our competitors. The people in our lives who love and support us give us the strength to doubt the doubters. They have my love and gratitude. We need to give their compliments more weight than the doubters. Those close to us actually know us and probably like us for a reason.

Don't ever let anyone tell you what you cannot do!

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Christopher Reid is an award-winning artist working in pastel, watercolor, acrylic,and charcoal. He paints all different subjects from coastal landscapes to wildlife to portraits. View his work at reidsart.com or email [email protected]