You can’t change an a**hole - Don't endure bad bosses and toxic cultures

We have all been there in some way or another. The dysfunctional organization that can’t get its sh*t together. The abusive boss who barks and yells senseless orders. The manager who does not respect you and chips away your self-esteem and self-worth. That threatening environment and culture that breed adult psychopath babies who infect the team and organization with their toxic behaviors.

In the face of this kind of situation, I often hear: “It is not that bad.” “I’m managing it,” I said it myself too. But let me tell you, without knowing it, these types of places, jobs, and bosses carve deep scars in our minds, and our souls and undermine our professional selves - often leaving us with a sort of Stockholm syndrome, questioning if WE are the problem.

I have seen countless professionals trying to change their bosses or their organizations, only at the cost of their health - mental and physical, carrying a ton of imposter syndrome for years to come.

Let me tell you: you can’t change them. If an organization allows this type of behavior and culture, there’s nothing it will do to improve it. Sure some try, but often the tolerance of bad behavior in the name of profit runs deeper than the sewage water runs under our streets.

You can’t change people, and it’s nor your job. So stop doing it. Stop enduring and managing it.

Sometimes in life, we do need to endure bad jobs, and terrible bosses and navigate the situation the best we can. We need the money, the economy is bad, and our situations don’t’ allow us to change. That’s all fine. It has a reason. Hopefully, one that doesn't keep you there too long.

If you find yourself in a situation like this, keep in mind this is a temporary stop. Make the best out of it, and create a system to protect yourself from the environment and people you are dealing with.

Create boundaries, practice detachment, and protect yourself. Find ways to better deal with the situation. At the same time start preparing an exit plan. Get your CV and/or portfolios in order, start applying for a job, and explore other options to support yourself. Sooner or later you will be out of there.

One thing that life taught me is that you can’t change people and the environment you are in. You can try to influence but it comes at a cost. If you find yourself in a toxic, abusive environment GET THE F**K out. Don’t endure it, don’t try to change. Get out.

You have a lot more in you than you think. These environments make us doubt ourselves, make us feel like we are the problem, leave unnecessary trauma, reward us with self-doubt, and blind us to what a healthy environment is.

Enduring and managing something like this is not a badge of honor. It’s a sign of disrespect to ourselves.

Get out.