You can't bully change.

Last night, my 4 year old son was wailing--crying because he wanted his sister.

Over winter break my daughter, Autumn, slept in my son's (Aspen) room every night. It brought them both comfort and joy, so I was here for it. However, I noticed how they also bothered each other and from time to time disrupted each other's sleep and sleep schedules.

As we prepared for school to be back in session this week, my husband, Bryan and I talked to Autumn about going back to her room but we never told my son.

Not on purpose, but didn't think he'd care much.

Well we were wrong!

As soon as he realized his sister was not going to sleep in his room, his little face instantly changed. His brows furrowed, pouty lips and the TEARS and wailing began.

And of course, I talked to him explaining that sister has to sleep in her room as they prepare for their regular school schedules.

I reassured him that both him and sister are fine and safe.

But he continued to cry, whine and wail for almost an hour.

Bryan usually sits in the room with him until he falls asleep and even that didn't bring him comfort. He kept reminding Aspen "You're ok. You're fine. Go to bed!"

I even went back in once, repeating "You're fine. Sister's fine. It's time for bed."

But he wasn't fine.

Then I heard him call out for me again but before I went back in the room, I paused.

"You can't bully change" I thought to myself.

Since I literally talk about change for a living, I laughed because I didn't apply any of the principles that I teach to this scenario for him.

I know that no matter the change experience--big or small, change feels hard. It's not necessarily hard but it feels hard and it's important to recognize when we have resistance and what we can do to navigate the moment (or the season).

I primary principle I share is we must create space for change.

Because you can't bully it.

You can't force it.

You can't even always will your way through it.

But you can make space for it.

You can give yourself a moment or a few moments to process.

And then do something that will help ease you through the change.

My favorite way to do this is by rooting into ritual and working to become well-resourced (more on these another time) so you always have tools to pull out for these moments.

Utilizing my own medicine, I went in his room and asked him If I could sit by his bed and play my sound healing drum that I got for Christmas. I knew that it would bring a calming sound and that mix with my presence would allow him to transition better vs. forcing him to "just get over it" and go to bed.

And not to my surprise, it worked.

His mood completely changed.

He calmed down.

And eventually, he said he loved me and he was ready for sleep.

#momwin

And this moment served as a big reminder for me, that no matter our age or the change we're experiencing, we must create space for it. Sometimes that space will be a few minutes and other times it may be a few years. But no matter what, the space is needed.

As you embark on this new year, declaring all the changes you are wanting and ready to make, remember to create space for your change.

Create moments of ease.

Give yourself grace.

And Practice your change.

It takes time to form new habits, behaviors, and beliefs. Give yourself credit along the way.

Happy New Year!

Tiffany

P.S. I'm starting an off-Linkedin Newsletter called "The Reset Button" on Jan 12th (my birthday!!!) for more tips, tools, and resources to fuel what's next, look forward to seeing you there---> https://tiffanyjoilanier.kit.com/newsletter

Meet Tiffany

Tiffany is a dynamic Keynote speaker, Facilitator and Writer on personal growth, change, and well-being.

She works with organizations to help their teams move through disruptive seasons of change and re-establish clarity, focus and resiliency through her unique (and one-of-a-kind) programming.

Tiffany has helped thousands of leaders all over the world re-discover who they are, what they stand for, and what matters most so they can shift into the highest potential and possibilities.

When leaders in organizations like Capital One, United Way, Ford Fund and the U.S Small Business Association want to help their people navigate change they call on Tiffany to advance their wellbeing and growth.

Learn more at Tiffanyjoilanier.com