We can't afford incivility. No one can.

Not holding someone down isn't the same as lifting them up. Cisco estimated, conservatively, that incivility was costing them 12 million dollars a year.

Why being respectful to your coworkers is good for business by Christine Porath, TEDx University of Nevada January 2018. Transcript edited for quick access.

Who do you want to be? This one question will define your professional success more than any other, because how you show up and treat people means everything. Either you lift people up by respecting them, making them feel valued, appreciated and heard, or you hold people down by making them feel small, insulted, disregarded or excluded.

One person told us about a boss that made insulting statements like, "That's kindergartner's work," and another tore up someone's work in front of the entire team. And what we found is that incivility made people less motivated: 80 percent lost time worrying about what happened, 66 percent cut back work efforts, and 12 percent left their job.

Incivility is a virus. It's contagious, we become carriers of it just by being around it, and this isn't confined to the workplace. We can catch it anywhere – at home, online, in schools and in our communities. It affects our emotions, our motivation, our performance and how we treat others. It even affects our attention and can take some of our brainpower.

Researchers in Israel have shown that medical teams exposed to rudeness perform worse not only in their diagnostics, but in all the procedures they did. This was mainly because the teams exposed to rudeness didn't share information as readily, and they stopped seeking help from their teammates. I see this not only in medicine but in all industries.

If incivility has such a huge cost, why do we still see so much of it? The number one reason is stress. People feel overwhelmed. Another reason is because they are skeptical and even concerned about appearing nice. They believe they'll appear less leader-like. They wonder: Do nice guys finish last?

There's rich research on this by Morgan McCall and Michael Lombardo when they were at the Center for Creative Leadership. They found that the number one reason tied to executive failure was an insensitive, abrasive or bullying style. There will always be some outliers that succeed despite their incivility. Sooner or later, though, most uncivil people sabotage their success.

You can have strong opinions, disagree, have conflict or give negative feedback with respect. Some people call it "radical candor," where you care personally, but you challenge directly. Why does civility pay? Because people see you as an important – and a powerful – unique combination of two key characteristics: warm and competent, friendly and smart.

What do people want most from their leaders? We found the answer was simple: respect. Being treated with respect was more important than recognition and appreciation, useful feedback, even opportunities for learning. Those that felt respected were healthier, more focused, more likely to stay with their organization, and far more engaged.

So where do you start? How can you lift people up and make them feel respected? The nice thing is, it doesn't require a huge shift. Small things can make a big difference. I found that thanking people, sharing credit, listening attentively, humbly asking questions, acknowledging others and smiling has an impact.

Civility lifts people. We get people to give more and function at their best if we are civil. Incivility chips away at people and their performance. It robs people of their potential, even if they're just working around it. What I know from my research is that when we have more civil environments, we're more productive, creative, helpful, happy and healthy.

We can do better. Each one of us can be more mindful and can take actions to lift others up around us, at work, at home, online, in schools and in our communities. After all, it pays. (See the full version at lnkd.in/dHyxwHaq).

Workplace incivility may cost businesses up to $2 billion per day. 37% of workers report that managers and supervisors tend to overlook incivility, and only 25% of workers believe their managers effectively address such behavior. These eye-opening numbers underscore the urgent need for a cultural shift in how we approach one another in our professional environments.

This is particularly true in the luxury hospitality industry, where allowing incivility at any level undermines the very essence of what we profess to offer. For a luxury establishment to be truly successful, it must embody respect for clients and colleagues alike – both as a matter of course and on a daily basis – making a climate of anything less incompatible with its core values.

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