You Cannot Shift What You Cannot See: How to Vanquish Your Inner Saboteur

In the fast-paced world of entrepreneurship, the journey toward success is littered with invisible challenges. Among these, self-sabotage stands out as one of the most insidious. This obstacle is especially subtle and can derail even the most promising of entrepreneurs. Recognizing and overcoming this internal adversary is crucial for any entrepreneur aiming to reach the next level of her business growth.

If you are like most entrepreneurs, you pour your heart and soul into your business, and are driven by dreams of freedom, prosperity, and wellbeing. You know that it is a privilege to be your own boss. And yet, some of you, my fellow female entrepreneurs, may be wondering: "Why is there still a gap between where I am today and where I want to be?"

As much as it is tempting to blame circumstances and outside influences, the greatest roadblock to your growth is most likely...YOU!? Yup, that silent dream-killer, self sabotage, may be lurking in the shadows of your decisions and habits—in spite of your best intentions. And you cannot shift what you cannot see.

So how can you discover and vanquish your inner saboteur? I have been studying self-sabotage for the past five years as I coach entrepreneurs at all levels and began noticing consistent patterns in myself and others.??

First, I started to notice its effects on my own nervous system, decisions, and actions. Then, I began to observe a similar pattern with my clients and mentees. And that prompted me to begin reading about it extensively and studying its impact on business growth. I learned how to recognize and manage self-sabotage in myself so that I could growth, and share this finding with others.

The reality is that few humans are immune from this pesky phenomenon. But once you learn how to recognize your inner saboteur, you can make some micro changes that will lead to exponential results!

Startup founder Ashley Sumner wrote in a recent Liminal article that "the fuel for self-sabotage is the act of 'chasing dreams'." To paraphrase, she pointed out that if you are “chasing” a purpose, then you are most likely seeking a stronger sense of belonging. Likewise, if you are chasing money, you are most likely seeking more self-worth. If you are chasing a relationship (or well-being) you are probably seeking deeper self-love. And, if you are chasing a new position/job/status, you are seeking greater self-acceptance.

While I agree with this on one level, it’s important to note that for the vast majority of us, this “sense of seeking” is completely unconscious. In fact, most people are unaware of what truly drives them. Most of us are externally motivated (we think we want one thing) yet internally divided (unconsciously we want another). As Gary Zukav points out in The Seat of the Soul, we have “splintered” personalities that are not aligned with our souls.

Why does this happen? Heh, heh. Because we are not conscious of our unconscious thoughts! Our unconscious thoughts (which lead to our actions) are deeply hidden and ingrained in us; they result from decades of generational and societal influences and life experiences. But once we learn to observe ourselves with curiosity, we can begin to “see” what we are truly “seeking” and shift to meld our splintered selves. Okay, this is sounding lofty, so let me share a few concrete examples of self sabotage so you can apply this on your own!

Maybe you notice that:

• You repeatedly procrastinate important tasks
• You cannot move past a certain level of revenue in your business
• You repeatedly hold yourself back right before a potential breakthrough?
• You tolerate unfulfilling relationships or jobs, or
• You are unable to achieve the wellbeing you “say” you want

These may be signs that your inner saboteur is at working overtime. If any of these examples resonate with you, do not despair, you can begin to make changes.

Here are 4 steps to begin to vanquish your inner saboteur:

Step 1: Recognize your Saboteur and acknowledge Her existence.

Ask yourself these questions:?

• When am I procrastinating and NOT doing something I know I want to do??
• When am I taking on too many responsibilities and burning out?
• When am I holding back from promoting myself or my business?

Step 2: Understand WHY you have unconsciously chosen where you are today. Take responsibility for your role.

Warning: This may be really tough to accept. Because if you do not currently have what you outwardly SAY you want, then your unconscious self (your inner saboteur) is quite likely running the show. Perhaps you have heard the phrase “Evidence of having is evidence of wanting.” Consider whether this may be true in your life. If this IS true, then where you are today is evidence of the choices you have unconsciously made over time.

It is even possible that on some level, you unconsciously enjoy your state of lack, of poverty, or of continuous striving. You may be so accustomed to your present state of adrenaline or suffering, that changing it would be an even more uncomfortable proposition. THIS, my friend, is what you get to work on starting today! (This may require the help of an experienced coach.)

Step 3: Figure out what you do not like about your current situation, and commit to taking small steps to change it. Allow yourself to accept that these steps will feel inconvenient and uncomfortable. Ask yourself:

• What do you want to change that you have been unwilling to take action to address?
• What is the payoff of staying as you are? (ex. It’s easier, more convenient, feels safer…)
• What uncomfortable actions will you have to take?
• What is the payoff for making the change? (ex. I'll feel aligned, energized, happier)

Write down your answers. Post them on your desk where you can see them. Focus on the payoff of making the change. Frame it. Celebrate it.

Step 4: Be gentle with yourself.

Vanquishing your inner saboteur takes time and is a continuous process. Focus on actions you can take each day to align each of your conscious desires with your unconscious self. Over time, you will begin to see results!

Today's Challenge (should you accept it):

Imagine what it would feel like to wake up every morning with a sense of belonging, of self-worth, of self-acceptance, and of self-love. Write down what sensations you would feel if this were the case.??

Then ask yourself the following questions:

• Could you handle the results?? (or do you enjoy your misery too much?)
• Could you handle living without FRED (Fear, RE-sistance, and Doubt) or without your familiar buddies, anxiety and stress?
• Could you handle living from a place of gratitude and joyful expectancy?

What did you discover? I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to share your thoughts with me.

For those interested in digging into this deeper to see how to apply the learnings to your business, we are hosting a virtual workshop called "Vanquishing Your Inner Saboteur" on Thursday, March 28, 2024 at 3 PM (EDT) where Rebecca will guide you through an expanded version of these steps. The first 25 people to Register will receive free admittance.

About the Author

Rebecca Reynolds Moore, is an X-startup founder, mother to 3 GenZ daughters, life-long entrepreneur, and CEO of InANutshell Consulting. She spends her time coaching and guiding women entrepreneurs to breakthrough blocks and leverage their brilliance so they can lead powerfully with heart and confidence, without sacrificing their wellbeing. She can be reached via LinkedIn or Instagram.