You cannot pour from an empty cup!

As a coach I find that I have many stories. This blog details my tips and tricks for staying self-motivated as a coach.

There was a time when I could not self-motivate and I think as coaches, we are expected to always be on a proverbial “high”. This is difficult to sustain as coaches are meant to fulfil a role beyond just taking their coachees on a career journey; we tend to be counsellors for all other aspects of the coachee’s life that impacts their career journey.

?Organisations often view coaches as the silver bullet to solve major managerial issues. Coaching, an expensive exercise, often reserved for the C-Suite brings with it, an elitist lens. I am reminded of a quote that my daughter always says, the Batman Lego movie. The quote is “life has no seatbelts”.

I love that quote for so many reasons. The main reason I love this quote is because we truly are not protected from what life throws at us. We learn to navigate through each experience with the support of communities whether this be family, friends, or colleagues. The support, however, is not always what we need or desire, this is where Coaches play such a critical role.

I present below some hurdles that I believe Coaches face:

Self- sabotage– Coaches are human, we have negative thoughts and feelings where we convince ourselves of every reason why something won’t work. We aim for major clients or “heavy weights” and often strike out. This reflects on our own lack of self-worth, fear, and feelings of insecurity. I put to you, perhaps you need to look closer to home. Perhaps your neighbour, your religious leader, needs coaching and can benefit from your skills in a practical way. This creates a focus on a more cohesive and performing society rather than only on corporates. My partner and I meet many people through his social entrepreneurship programme and what I have found is that people require everyday coaching. Simple conversations reveal needs that would otherwise go unaddressed.

Tomorrow/ Procrastination?– This is something that I personally struggle with, and I am constantly working on not putting things off for tomorrow or sometimes indefinitely. It is the gap between our intention and action or waiting for the perfect time that must be managed. I have some news for you, there is no “perfect time”. Take the leap, make the change, do the task. Time is fleeting and the more we wait, the harder it becomes to action. Our lives are alive or dead through the power of the tongue. Whether you want to succeed? today or whether you want to fail today, whatever you affirm through your words, will be true.

Unworthiness?– Coaches need to believe that they are worthy of coaching others.? There is a self-perceived belief that we are not good enough or? undeserving.? Being humble,? can be counter- productive for coaches ?when we are on the extreme end of humility and feel that success is not for us. Be bold! Toot your horn and believe that you have the skills to assist and guide others on their coaching journeys.

Uncertainty?– This theme ties into the quote “life has no seatbelts” and if I must extend that I would add?and its okay. When we hold on to control, we limit ourselves from exploring our own creativity to do and be more. We do not take risks because of the fear of the unknown. We always want to know what will happen next and if we do not, we will not be open to trying different things. Uncertainty is linked to anxiety and fear. Instead of focusing on what may go wrong, focus on what may go right if you approach situations with a new lens, that of trust.

Scapegoat?– When things do not go our way, instead of looking inwards at ourselves and our contribution, we look to blame others. Take responsibility! Be accountable for your failures. Coaches tend to focus on their successes and do not share their failures yet in our failures, we learn the most.

As a coach, I support the facilitation of these themes ?through conversations, curiosity questions, reflections, and insights. You are the sum of your experiences and without naming names, perhaps you should think about how your coachees themes emerge with similarities and to draw from all your experiences with them and outside of them. There is no need to re-invent the wheel.

Kay’s tips and tricks? for jumping the hurdles: ?

Self-help?– Coaches must ?believe in their human ability and must ?create opportunities for coachees ?to believe that goals ?are possible and ?achievable. The emphasis must be on an active plan to encourage a change in the Coach’s behaviour as you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Today?– Coaches must assist themselves and their coachees to stay in the here and now. The Present is so important in Coaching. We are helping our Coachee present themselves in “Today” with daily realistic steps to reach their goal. By the same token, we need to practice this in how we prepare ourselves to assist others to remain present.

Yes, I can?– Coaching supports re-framing from the negative to the positive. We need to practice this on a daily basis before attempting to assist others in solving their problems. When we support and believe in ourselves, it helps the Coachee envision new thinking for themselves and a different way to see their vison/ goal through a positive lens.

Clarity?– Every Coachee is looking for clarity, and as coaches we need to have clarity as well. When we have clarity, we think better, we are able to make decisions and live more authentically. When we work with a Coachee it is important that the Coachee becomes clearer about their situation, if this does not happen, the Coach can easily lose credibility with the Coachee. ” People want to understand and be understood” and thus we need to reflect on our own need for clarity before attempting a coaching session.

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Responsibility?– Take accountability. The Coach’s role is to encourage and create a safe space for the Coachee to say and feel whatever is on their mind. In the same vein, we need to develop this for ourselves. When the Coachee can do this, they can also take responsibility towards their change and growth. As a Coach we cannot change anyone, the Coachee must want the change for themselves and in turn, we must want to be better coaches and commit to the journey (whatever that is for each of us).

I trust that this reflection will in some way inspire you to grow and affirm yourself as a coach or just as a person wanting to find some concrete tools to manage your everyday goals.