You can put forth your points calmly

When it comes to discussing some things with people, often it turns into arguments because of basic misunderstanding of each others's points of view. We need to first analyse the person you are arguing with. Always in your mind create two bifurcations of their weakness, strength and desires. For these, are the three most powerful tools. From here there are different approaches that you can follow but the fundamental thing you must do is to take control of the conversation peacefully. For example when you are having an argument about something go silent, let them vent out that aggression they have and then you have the control, you can now easily say what you want without interruption.

At the beginning start by partial agreement: Agree to something that they are saying, this will make them feel accepted. This will you change their mind, agree to something but not fully otherwise you have just lost. For eg: I can understand I did something wrong but not fully, listen to me and understand my point. Now, explore the past and the mistakes they have done, make them feel guilty or even weak for that very moment. Then they will retaliate and take this in a bad manner. They even accept this statement of yours but they would surely counter, for it’s their ego that one cannot digest.

Here comes the crucial part, Now you have to explore your weakness, show them that you made a mistake and agree with them, however, putting a subtle idea in their mind that you are only human and also at the same time pointing at their mistake. This is like a game of chess where you have to neutralise everything: emotions and mistakes. This would make them see the human side of yours and also at the same time, they will think that they could never forgive you. However, this is when you show affection and love to show that you value their opinions.

You have to be emotional and leave saying that you made a grave mistake and will take actions to rectify it if you could have. Yes, you have won that conversation because now there is a constant process going in the opponent’s mind, was that person a good person that I just pushed away? All you have to do is stay focused, keep on every little detail about that person and help him/her in a way and you will reclaim the position in their life.

First things first if you wanna win an argument, have adequate knowledge about the matter, if you don't posses that much knowledge, don't strike up an argument as it would ultimately lead to your disrespect. Maintain eye contact. When arguing look at your opponents eyes and at a point of the argument enlarge your eyes, your opponent will most likely forget the obvious point that he was going to say, hence leading to your win. Use proper body language. When arguing, show you're confident. Stand with your arms spread, your back straight, occupy more space. This way there will be psychological effect on your opponent. Your opponent will have a feeling that you came prepared and he is going to loose, so that is going to destroy his confidence.. Ultimately you'll win.

Replace your umm, uh with just pause and silence. When you're arguing, do not use uhh, umm when thinking about what to say because that creates a very bad subconscious expression, if you're thinking stay silent. Take advantage of your opponents stupidity if at all because our main goal when arguing must be to destroy the opponents confidence. Somehow we need to sabotage our opponents confidence so that he falls silent and you win. Between the argument ask your opponents about topics related to the argument(research this beforehand) if your opponent does not know this then say "you came to argue but you don't even know this?" your opponent will immediately go nuts inside his brain and you'll win.

I have worked many years in contentious environments and the below has served me very well and has worked equally well at a personal level. The bottom line is that if you just frame it as wanting to win arguments you have significantly handicapped the possibility of positive resolution. First of all stop thinking about it as an argument. "Argument" implies someone has to win, so someone has to be wrong. It is very hard for someone to admit they are wrong. Instead, look at as a solvable problem with different viewpoints. The first benefit of this is the issue becomes depersonalized and there is a lot more room for open minded exchange of ideas. You start with the knowledge of what is non-negotiable from your stance and what you are really trying to accomplish.

Then understand that most of the time when there is disagreement the other side believes they are correct as much as you do. If you step back and try to see the big picture before you commit to any positions then try to empathize with the other sides viewpoint, you are in a very good position to get at resolution. You will be more knowledgeable about the situation so can discuss it more thoroughly. You can better predict what the other sides' talking points so will be prepared to appropriately respond.

Always acknowledge the validity of the other sides opinion or individual points very early. Find some part of the other side that you sincerely agree with and explicitly acknowledge that it is correct. Just the positive acknowledgment will often be enough to end the argument and change it to a discussion aimed at resolution by all. You will sometimes encounter more adversarial people or deeper problems where it is not enough, but at minimum you will usually create some confusion for those who just want to win and they will usually at least need to change their approach. If they take it as weakness, who cares? You have done your homework and their ignorance is a strength for you in ensuring you get what you really need/want.

And never participate in or accept personal attacks. "You are stupid" or "You do this" immediately takes you back to square one in creating an adversarial environment. If someone insists on personal attacks at you, it is usually a sign of insecurity in that they know at heart they have a weak position and feel they need the personal attacks to win. A personal attack should be immediately but politely but firmly noted as such, and it should be made clear this isn't acceptable. Usually this is enough to help. There is no successful resolution if this can't be overcome, it may be time to just walk away.

But be in a position of power. You have valid points and needs, just as the other side does. Do your homework to know what they are; if you haven't done it, avoid a conflict until you have. Understand who else is impacted by your disagreement and get information or feedback on their perspectives. You may find that some of your views are wrong, which the other side will appreciate, and you will know what leverage you have at your disposal. Never flaunt that power or try to bring others into the argument to overwhelm the opposition. You will just create more animosity in the discussion, and those you try to pull in will not like it that you force them to get involved. Use it very sparingly, just to the point of resolution when you have to. Bank the rest and you will gain respect into the future.

However, it may sound cumbersome to take this approach to arguments. It really isn't, it is more a change in perspective from being adversarial to being a consensus builder. It might be difficult initially, but it doesn't take long until it is second nature and almost effortless as a part of how you deal with people; with mutual respect among people with differing needs. You do not need to fear being seen as weak; you will gain self confidence which in itself will reduce arguments, you will have allies when you need them, and you will know a lot more when and how to take a stand when it really matters. Cheers!