You Can Only Have One Core Purpose in Life

Embracing Your One Core Purpose: A Blueprint for Life's Four Pillars

"The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well."?- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Can you have more than one core purpose? This is perhaps the question I get asked more than any other when I start talking about purpose and impact. For the last 18 months, I only had the ability to debate and play devil's advocate with it, even though deep down in my gut I felt the answer was, "No, you can only have ONE core purpose."

Well after many philosophical discussions and soul-searching debates with others, I had an epiphany this week while walking my dog and talking to myself (Yes, I talk to myself, but don't worry I have headphones in so people don't think I'm just a crazy person - don't judge). My revelation was exactly what my gut had been telling me - each one of us can?only have one core purpose in life?and I now know how to explain it.

In a wild turn of events, this epiphany not only brought me the clarity to share it with you in this article, but it also led to 3 other moments in that day that solidified my belief in this principle. First, an intellectual 5:15 AM exchange with my wife, Jaime Neagle , then Joshua Vitale ?suggested it during a first-time conversation I had with him, and while listening to?Stillness is the Key ?by Ryan Holiday in the shower that evening, I also had another nod to it.

The One Core Purpose Philosophy

You see, the idea of having a singular core purpose can be controversial. People don't like the idea of only doing one thing. They often argue that they can have multiple core purposes—be a fantastic parent while pursuing another career goal, for instance. After my recent "a-ha!" moment, I can definitively say that's not the case, but not for the reason you think it is.

Your core purpose is fundamentally for you. It's self-anchoring, serving as a compass for every decision you make. You could remove everything from your life and that core purpose would remain the same.

The reason it doesn't change easily is that it is linked to your very being, and only shifts when you go through a radical identity transformation. This generally happens after a life-altering event, good or bad.

So Justin, if you are saying I can only have one core purpose, then do I have to choose either being a good parent, being a good partner, or my self-anchoring core purpose?

No again, and here's why.

You have to think of life broken into different buckets. There are really three main buckets - Self, Relationships, and Other Stuff. Like everything in life, it is about finding balance. However, to be as healthy and impactful as possible, you need to have the buckets filled in proportion to their importance. As well as filled with the right parts in each individual bucket.

The Self Bucket?

Your Self Bucket contains your core purpose and needs to be filled continuously. You are the foundation of everything else in your life. Therefore you have to be selfish. I know that the thought of being selfish sounds like you're being a jerk, but it is really crucial for all the things in your life to exist at the optimal level. Like the foundation of a building, this needs to be really strong, otherwise, everything else will crumble and fall.?

As I mentioned, the bucket needs to be balanced with the rest as well as balanced by itself so let's balance this bucket first and then discuss how we balance it with the others.?

The Self Bucket contains not only your core purpose, but also all of your health activities (both physical and mental) as well as general survival (sleeping, eating, etc.). The balance can get out of whack if you try to dedicate every second of your day to just your core purpose. Don't be fooled and think you can just remove health items and only focus on your core purpose. If you eat poorly, never exercise, and stop showering to put more time into the core purpose, things will not end well for you. Remember, it is about balance.

When I started to take care of myself both physically and mentally (waking up before 5, meditating, journalling, being more active, eating clean, starting an accountability group, etc. ), I started to have way more energy to attack my days. It gives you a productivity multiplier like you wouldn't believe. When I compare today to the days of grinding away at work for 10-12 hours, I now get 5x more accomplished. Take it from my experience, the "time savings" you think you are having by skipping the health routines is totally wrong and a good way to become less impactful.

"Okay Justin, so I have a balanced effort towards self - check. But, if my core purpose is so important, shouldn't I throw all my time and effort into this bucket?"

No again my friend!

You do need to put more time into this bucket than the others, but solely focusing on yourself will never get you to greatness. How do we go from good to great? We bring others along with us. Here is where the second bucket comes into play.?

The Relationship Bucket

The Relationship Bucket is where you share yourself with the world. Be it your husband/wife/partner, kids, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, or strangers, this is the bucket they are sitting in. As a huge believer in Hermit Time , I can tell you that it's great to be productive, but your production feels way better when you get to share it with others who really care about you.?

Here's where it gets spicy though. I like to call it the Children Trap!

The moment you have kids, the world (and perhaps your own guilty conscience) tells you that you now have an additional core purpose - be a great parent. You need to trust me, your little bundles of joy, no matter how beautiful they are and how they brought out emotions that you never thought you had, should not be a detour from your core purpose. They undoubtedly will become a distraction if you let them. "What? My kids, a distraction? Well, I never!" It is not said in a mean way, it is just the truth. Let's chew on an example.

Imagine you get a golden opportunity to have dinner with an expert in your field who is only in town for the night. Meeting this person could rocket your core purpose — let's say, saving the rainforest — to new heights. But, oh no! You've pledged eternal loyalty to family dinners, believing it's crucial for being the "Best Parent Ever."

Do you see the conflict? Your best parent mission is clashing with your core purpose. Even if this is a rare occurrence, the dilemma can add up over time, leading to an unsatisfying compromise that serves neither purpose well. If you continuously deny your Self Bucket, specifically the core purpose section, of getting filled, you will end up with a hollow base, and your journey towards saving the rain forest and obtaining Best Parent Ever status both fail. Remember it is all about balance and self comes before relationships which comes before other stuff.?

Do I think you should have structure to ensure you are able to drive toward your core purpose and still be a rockstar parent? Absolutely! However, we need to think of things as frameworks instead of strict rules that should never be broken.?

This reminds me of a conversation I had recently. I got the privilege of speaking with Karlton D. Johnson , a “retired-but-not-expired” United States Air Force Colonel with 26+ years of service. As we talked about having discipline and structure, he surprised me by reminding me if you are too structured then you have no room to be creative. I thought as a man of the military he would have been a huge proponent of structure solving all problems, but then he shared his why he thought the way he did.** He gave me some insights into how fighter pilots think and why it is not rules, but frameworks that allow them to be great at what they do. He too emphasised the importance of balance. So if you didn't believe me when I kept mentioning balance, the least you can do is believe the Colonel.?

So how does this Relationship Bucket get knocked out of whack? That's easy and you probably guessed it. Those closest to you need your time the most. Spouses and children are the easiest to identify as most important. Like it or not, if you aren't there for them, you will find they are not always going to be there for you. It is easy to want to spend time with friends and colleagues after work, but if you are never home with the unit you built, you start being the odd one out during the game of Family Uno.?

If you want to have great relationships with people, you need to spend one-on-one time with them. That means, date nights, solo kid outings, and phone calls. Regularly picking up the phone to call people is probably one of the best practices you can start. If you aren't calling at least 3 people a week I challenge you to start. It might feel awkward at first, but you will absolutely start filling this bucket at a rapid pace.?

**(Now, as I write this article, it was just silly for me to have thought that when talking with the Colonel, but that's why we need to always ask questions, keep an open mind, and continuously learn.)

The Other Stuff Bucket

Now on to the last bucket - Other Stuff. This is where everything else lives. Leisure activities, essential errands, in-between time, and work that isn't moving you closer to your core purpose.?

The big no-no to avoid with this bucket is simple in concept but can be a huge hurdle in practice. You should not be dedicating most of your time here. It's that simple, but this obstacle can come in many forms.?

1. It could be that your 9-5 job or business isn't really fulfilling your core purpose. That one can be a nightmare. No amount of money in the world will make you happy if you have to go to work and hate what you do and are working towards.?
2. This could also be that you are taking all of your "free time" and burning it on leisure activities. Sure hobbies are good, but they have to be true hobbies. Not second jobs, not addictions, not escapes. Ryan Holiday explains this concept better than I ever could in his book?Stillness is the Key ?so you should just read his book. But if you need quicker answers thumb to the chapter entitled Find a Hobby. Here are a few quotes that will give you a taste of the thoughts:?"Leisure historically meant simply freedom from the work needed to survive, freedom for intellectual or creative pursuits. It was learning and study and the pursuit of higher things.“?"Leisure is not the absence of activity, it is activity." "It’s got to be a real hobby – something you go out and do. Chatting on message boards online is a bad hobby. Gardening is a great one. Trading stocks is just another form of work. Training for a triathlon is better."
3. It could also be that you are dedicating too much time to in-between time things. Long commutes are a big one. If your commute is over an hour each way and you are not consuming knowledge, making phone calls, or really practicing something that has to do with your core purpose, you are effectively burning 500 waking hours a year. That is a crap ton of time that you need to start leveraging.?
4. The last example is "Are you consuming too much screen time?" It is a sneaky little rascal, but social media, streaming services, and even news stations are well-oiled machines when it comes to keeping your attention. Literally, there are degrees backed by science to keep people engaged. Perhaps I need to find some of these masters of the attention craft and have them help me create an impact-driven app for good! Well, how about we just get this article finished first...

Finding Your Balance and Moving Forward

As we navigate through the turbulent waters of life, our buckets — Self, Relationships, and Other Stuff — need constant attention and rebalancing. But at the heart of it all is that single core purpose, serving as your north star and guiding you towards fulfilling an impactful life well-lived. Just like my revelation during a seemingly ordinary walk with my dog, your "a-ha!" moments can emerge in the most unexpected places, solidifying the philosophy that's been gnawing at your subconscious.

Why one core purpose? Think back to my epiphanies from that pivotal day — from a 5:15 AM intellectual debate with my wife Jaime Neagle to an eye-opening shower moment with Ryan Holiday 's Stillness is the Key resonating in my ears. Multiple situations pointed towards one core principle:?a single, self-anchoring core purpose is essential.?A singular focus doesn't restrict you; it liberates you. It provides you the clarity and vigor you need to tackle life’s other demands, be it in relationships or other stuff.

Remember the concept of balance and the importance of frameworks over rigid rules, as pointed out by retired United States Air Force Colonel, Karlton D. Johnson . Balance permits creativity; it offers room for adjustments when life throws you curveballs. It allows you to be a rockstar parent, a supportive partner, and an expert in your field without losing sight of that one thing that makes you uniquely you.?

Just like the fighter pilots Colonel Johnson described, don't be limited by strict rules. Your core purpose isn't a box that confines you, but a lens through which you can see the world more clearly. It's the balance, or shall we say the framework, that aligns your Self Bucket, makes your Relationship Bucket more meaningful, and keeps your Other Stuff Bucket in check.?

So, can you have more than one core purpose? To reiterate, the answer is a resounding?No!?

Not because you can't juggle different roles and responsibilities in life, but because a singular core purpose provides you with the definitive direction you need. It is the tether that keeps your buckets from spilling over, it's the weight that counterbalances life's ever-changing scales.?

Let's move beyond the temptation to distribute our energies thinly across multiple so-called core purposes. Take a moment to meditate, journal, or perhaps walk your dog. You might just stumble upon that one core purpose that's been waiting to be discovered, understood, and lived fully.

Remember, as Emerson wisely noted, "The purpose of life is... to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well." Your one core purpose is the key to making that difference. Make sure your buckets are aligned, and take that transformative step towards living not just a good life, but a great one.?

Until next time, keep striving, keep balancing, and most importantly, keep digging deeper into that one core purpose that sets your soul on fire.?