You Can Never Care Too Much, But It’s How You Express It

Most leaders get into business because they love people and want to help people.

Interestingly enough, that’s the exact same reason many quit or get disenchanted with business later on…

So what happens?

Leaders often tell me their greatest hurts, struggles, and disappointments have come from betrayals or conflicts with employees. The truth is, despite the popular depiction of the boss that’s simply looking to get ahead and fly off to private islands, many leaders carry a burden of care for their team.

I made my fair share of mistakes when I first started Eastern Union, but if I could go back and change one thing, it would be understanding how to better express the care I had for my team’s growth and walk away when they made decisions I disagreed with.

If you went back and talked to my staff years ago, you might get mixed feedback about my leadership style.

Many who have gone on to make millions would say their lives were changed for the better because I was so involved in their careers; other employees might say they didn’t like working with me for that very same reason.?

I always felt extremely invested in my team’s success, and I wanted to see them grow and progress.?

The solution isn’t to stop caring. You can never care too much about your team. People want to work with a boss who cares, and that care is what made you a good leader in the first place. However, there’s a difference between caring and becoming overly involved to the point it creates frustration—for both parties.?

I remember team members telling me about decisions they were making that I knew were career suicide, and my desire to see them succeed quickly turned to frustration as I determined to help them avoid a mistake. Of course, that added frustration never benefited the outcome or the relationship.

Moving forward, I learned to approach these difficult situations with two guideposts in mind:?

First, I started asking employees, “What is your goal?” Before you give advice on what you think their picture of success is, you might be surprised to find out it’s not. Once I know what someone's goal is, I only offer advice based on that specific goal.?

Secondly, I tell them my opinion from a place of love, and if they continue to go in that direction, I let them go and wish them the best.?

Imagine if your son showed up late to Shul. It’s tempting to get frustrated and react strongly—a response that might ultimately push them away. So, how should you react instead? Take a step back and pretend it was your nephew. How would you react then? You might feel concerned for his well-being and want to check in with him, but you wouldn’t handle it the same way a parent might. In most cases, you would still make a comment to them, but you would do it from a place of love instead of anger and ultimately leave the responsibility for their choices to them.?

That’s the same role we should take as leaders.

I made a commitment to myself that no matter how much I wanted to help, or what mistakes were made, I would never let myself get to a point of frustration or take false responsibility for my team’s actions.

I’m reminded of an expression I learned at a very young age: “Gam zu l'tova!” It means, “This is also for the good.” As much as I thank God when things are going well, I’ve learned to thank Him just as much when things aren’t. I remind myself:

• Gam zu l'tova. Even trying situations can be for your benefit.
• Never stop caring for people. Approach situations from a place of love, not anger.
• No matter what, realize everyone has different goals, even if you think you’re helping them, and even if you’re right. They have to make their own decisions.
• Hold your team accountable to the result, not the method. Be careful not to micromanage the process.
• Set clear expectations for your team. If you don’t articulate it, then how can you hold people accountable for it? If you have accountability without clear expectations, you’re just an angry boss.
• Frustrating situations come up in business, but at the end of the day, you’re still responsible for your reaction.

At GPARENCY, we send out anonymous surveys to our employees bi-weekly to hear their candid feedback on how we can grow, how healthy and productive meetings are, and any potential problem areas that might be overlooked.?

Our mission has always been to develop the #1 place to work in the nation, and Baruch Hashem, with this mindset we recently ranked as one of LinkedIn’s Top 50 Startups.

No leader handles every situation perfectly, and no company gets everything right on the first try—but never stop genuinely caring for your employees and clients. It’s easy to get so caught up in the day-to-day grind of running a company that you lose sight of the people who make it all possible. But when you take the time to listen to your staff and invest in them, your company will grow stronger.?