"You can be more": 12 lessons from a weekend with Marshall Goldsmith.

And from 99 Future Leaders and coaches.

I shared with some of you that I was selected by Marshall Goldsmith as one of the top "100 Future Leaders" in the world earlier this year (thanks to my Hero Dorie Clark).

This is a distinction that I never thought I was going to get in my lifetime, and I had to physically pinch myself when I got Marshall's letter.

What this meant in practical terms was an invitation to join Marshall along with 99 other future leaders for a weekend in Nashville this past August.?

It was pretty intense and humbling: everyone I met is on top of their game in their industry. They flew in from all over the world, and they will go on to create amazing things (talk about my imposter syndrome flaring up).

I promised to share the summary of what I learned.?With every deep writing I've done, I needed to let things simmer.? In this case it's taken me 4 weeks of thinking about this every day.

If some of this feels very intuitive... for what's worth, it can be. It's just that most things are forgotten in the day to day hecticness.

Without more preamble, here's what I learned after 2 days of coaching with the man who created executive coaching:

1. Be happy now.

?People think they will be happy, calmer, more fulfilled after "IT" happens e.g. after the kids graduate, after I change jobs, after we move, after Q4 etc. You'll never reach "it".?

Today, now, this is "IT".? Be happy now. It is that simple.

1a. Make peace with the things and people you can't change.?

This one in particular made me weep.

2. True leadership is not? "What can you do for me?"? rather:? "How can I help YOU?"

This one will transform your leadership (and your relationships). Marshall kept telling us "Leadership is not all about me, leadership is all about THEM!"

3. What makes the difference between a great leader and a bad one is behavior.

If you make it to VP and C-level, you and most of your peers are already technically capable. In other words: technical skills are important in the beginning of your career and you should keep updating them, particularly with #AI. The farther you climb the ladder, it's more about your ethics, and how you handle pressure, failures, competitors, crises: That's what distinguishes you as a leader and makes you a great one or a bad one.

4. Do not take yourself so seriously.

I personally observed Marshall making mistakes and everyone still loved him.? I reflected afterwards and one of the secrets to his magic is that he doesn't take himself so seriously.??

He, from all people, could take himself very seriously, the man is a legend: He has personally coached some of the most important leaders of our times, wrote several NYT best sellers, self-made millionaire, etc etc.? Yet, he is incredibly humble and he is giving away all the material he has created for free.? This takes me to the next two points:

5. What is your legacy?

We all are here for a limited amount of time.? So what's going to be your legacy, what kind of positive change are you going to make during your time on earth?

6. Own your mistakes

If you made a mistake, lower your head, apologize,? own it, and try to fix it. Do it sooner rather than later, and do it sincerely.??

6a. AND: Let go of your mistakes and failures faster.

Yes, learn from your mistakes. Acknowledge the lesson. Do not make the same mistake again. Then let the mistake go.? Stop carrying it.? Stop being so mean to yourself.

6b. AND: Let go of your spouse/partner's mistakes faster and sooner.?

Particularly if they already apologized and changed.?

7. Find out what your "Despite Of" are

In the beginning of your career you are successful Because Of some things you do (e.g. perfectionism coupled with sharp elbows, etc). After you cross certain? seniority threshold, you are successful despite of some things → sometimes your Despite Of are the exact same things that made you successful!

The only way you're going to find out is with feedback from your boss, peers and subordinates. And yes it's going to be painful.?

8. Do not say "but" because it negates the beginning of the sentence.?

“But”?makes people feel you aren't listening to them. This particularly applies to feedback you receive.

This also applies to anything that your kids tell you. I tested not saying "but" for 24 hours and it is hard.

9.? There is a positive correlation between your annual income and the time you spend with your family that year.

Marshall showed us that the years that he earned the most were the years he spent more time with his kids and he challenged us to do the same. He meant no phones, no distractions, not watching the game. Purely present. I tried it in the past 4 weeks, and boy it's hard?

10. Measure your progress every day.

The only way of becoming a better leader is measuring things as proactively, objectively, and as non-judgmentally as possible. For that, he suggested using the Daily Questions.? Phrase them as "today: did I do my best to ___(insert here what you are trying to improve such as: be patient, stop procrastinating, etc)____

Do it everyday, track it, and you will see real progress.

10a. Evolving and becoming a better leader is often painful because it forces us to stop saying "but I've always been this way" and change stuff that we have been doing for decades.??

11. Stop talking and listen to the experts in your team

As a CEO, or even as a team lead you should not be the one talking and taking all of the oxygen in the meeting IF there is someone in the room who can solve that work problem better than you. That's the time for you to listen.?

11a. The higher you go in your career, the more people will try to please you, won't contradict you, and won't tell you the real problems.? Beware.? The onus is on you as leader to create "an environment that does not shoot the messenger who dares to tell the Emperor that he is naked"?

There were many more lessons; these are the ones that resonated with me.? I am sure that if you look at my notes, something completely different would resonate with you.? This leads me to my last takeaway:

12. YOU can be more