You can literally feel it in your soul when it's TIME.

"At some point you will just know. And that's your call. Time to make a change in your life. Time to get rid of unhealthy habits. Time to move on from unhealthy relationships. Time to want more for yourself." A quote that I recently stumbled across and it resonated.

For years I recognised my unhealthy habits and always thought to myself I am happy in life, the life of the party, what does it matter. For years I knew deep down that my weakness for relationships that don't align with my core values will eventually cause hurt and pain - the stubborn Taurus in me at its best. At times in my life I've experienced a mess of shattered self-worth, endless questions, a heart and mind that feels like it will never mend. I could keep going with what I knew, what I recognised, what I experienced. Here's the truth, I've not lived a perfect life and never will. Here's the other truth, it doesn't matter whether you have or you have not. At any minute there is someone who can come along and change your life. That person is you.

I don't profess to be an expert. I am certainly not a professional in the field. I am by no means qualified whatsoever. I share my lived experiences and most importantly the learnings, for those brave and courageous enough to know it's time.

Mentors

Growing up as a young sales professional in the world of IBM, one of the brilliant attributes instilled was that of mentoring. Carried throughout my entire career, including the last 3.5 years meeting some of the greatest mentors at Salesforce. And for the cynics, I hear you, mentoring is not for everyone. I was one of those cynics. I don't like the idea of a formal mentor, I don't like the idea of a regular scheduled meeting, I don't like the idea of one mentor only. Who set those rules? Mentoring can be for everyone.

Mentoring for Cath has always been informal. Mentoring for Cath has always included a diverse number of mentors, and yes, at the same time. Mentoring for Cath has always been ad-hoc, you can feel it in your soul when it's time to connect with that mentor. Some mentoring relationships do come to a natural end, you will know when it's time and others will last for a lifetime. Mentoring is setting yourself some homework, some exam questions as Kerry Purcell loved to quote and I've since stolen.

Informal vs Formal

The decision is yours. You may decide to have a handful of both. At certain times in your professional career formal mentors will be important. During life's most challenging times your informal mentor may become your best friend, except they show up without the emotion, without being your friend, intentionally to tease out the tough love. It's a personal preference, it has to work for you. What works for Cath may not work for everyone. The easiest way to discover what works best for you is to try both. Until you try something new how will you ever know.

Diverse Mentors

For me personally this is one of the most important decision points in any mentoring relationship. If I don't have a diverse number of mentors then there is a problem. If the mentors are similar to my personality type, to my character, then there is a problem. Let me unpack this consideration.

At times in our lives the priority may be our career only. At other times it will be our career and starting a family. Over time it may become about our career and juggling the responsibilities of ageing parents. For others it may be about living a life with purpose, for discovering what truly aligns with our values and energises us every single day. For many it will living a healthy lifestyle, one that frees and heals the mind from the voices that tell us we are not worthy or good enough. For some it will be navigating challenging relationships with colleagues, peers, managers, leaders, friends, family, life partners. These are a handful of examples only.

If you have only one mentor then you have only one perspective, one person questioning, one person challenging, one person unpacking, one person sharing. Now this doesn't translate to asking 2 of the same type of personality types and characters to become your mentor. Challenge yourself, test yourself, ask yourself - am I surrounding myself with positive energy, challenging yourself to try new things that open your heart, mind and soul to new connections who bring diverse and joyful energy, relying on those who have always been there for you?

Ad Hoc vs Scheduled

Again a personal preference and decision. Some prefer the idea of a regularly scheduled meeting, others prefer the idea of feeling it at the time and connecting when it makes sense. Many have experienced the real Cath - the control freak and the perfectionist at times - the one who insists the cursor in any google or excel spreadsheet must be in the A1 cell when saved. Maria Villalon I thought you might like this one for a laugh from the good old days.

If you ask my family and those who've known me the longest, you would typically be asked how does Cath survive at work, how does she even know what time of day it is, how does anyone take her seriously. I am the free spirit, the one who never knows where her house or car keys are, the one who looks for her phone when it's in her back pocket, the one who turns up to sign important documents at the lawyer's office without her license to validate her identity. Yes all true. Yet I signed up to a gym that holds no classes, has no means of keeping me accountable and despite this I show up 6 days a week every single morning and commit to a routine of cardio and weights. I know I can keep myself to account and feel it in my soul when it's time to reach out to that mentor.

If you are similar to Cath, then try ad hoc and if it doesn't work out, move it to scheduled. If you are someone who must have rigour, who must be kept accountable, who is very structured, then try scheduled and see how it feels. What is crucial is making it work for you - not what others think is best for you.

Natural End or a Lifetime

I have 2 rules when asked to become someone's mentor, one that comes from personal experience. The first rule, when you feel this relationship is no longer serving its purpose, is no longer required, has helped the mentee to work through what the original intention the mentoring relationship was established for, then it's ok to say it's time for it to end. There are no hard feelings, there is no emotion, it served its purpose.

Equally I have mentor relationships that have lasted a lifetime and know they will continue forever. Both as a mentor and as a mentee.

I feel on this last statement there is a little here to unpack. At times given the connections and bonds built between informal mentors in particular, they may become friends. There is a clear distinction between friendship and mentorship. Whenever I find myself in a situation with a friend, particularly lifetime friends - be it as a mentor or a mentee - I am clear to state which hat I am wearing in the moment. Am I sharing my knowledge, skills and experience to help them to progress as their friend or as their mentor. It helps to set boundaries, a topic we will explore together a little later.

Homework, Exam Questions

The second rule. Homework for the mentee, some exam questions. As I shared yesterday with a new mentee on my 2 rules, I'll ask the rhetorical questions that I expect you will ask yourself when you walk away from the mentoring discussion. It's ok if when we re-group the first time you haven't got the answers. It's ok if by the second discussion you still haven't asked yourself the questions. By the third discussion I will challenge the mentee and question is this something that really is important to them or not? If it is then why are you not investing the time in you?

So yes I was that critic in the room all those many years ago. Today I know that I would not have navigated through the most challenging and exciting times in my life without the guidance of my mentors - many of whom I have the privilege to call lifetime friends. When I'm struggling to make a difficult decision in my personal life or at work, they are my go to - I ask them to put on the mentor hat and remove the friendship label. When I am excited about a new opportunity, a new relationship and may be blinded by truly what's in front of me, I ask my mentors to ask me the tough questions I am incapable of asking myself.

If you don't have any formal or informal mentors, do yourself the biggest favour in life and ask that person if they would take on the honour of such a role. If you only have one or one type of mentor - explore and you may even surprise yourself with how diversity can change how you see the world and your place in it. Especially when mentoring relationships are built through 7.5km Bay Run Walks close to midday on a 28 degree day with 2 individuals who haven't seen or spoken with each other for 7+ years. Jay Tuckey

Boundaries

One day you feel it, you sense it, you know it deep in your heart and soul. If you are courageous enough to set boundaries, yes at first there is pain, there is hurt, there are questions - ones you mostly will never have answered. Then you wake up one day and appreciate the strength and self awareness it takes to set boundaries. It leads to a certain level of peace. Self-respect. Self-worth. What are you willing to accept, for protecting yourself? Every person in this universe is a valuable person, one that deserves love, kindness and respect. I've been blessed with the best dad in the world, the one who constantly reminds me that I am no better than anyone else and that no-one is better than me, that we are all equals. Even with this, Peace sometimes comes with a lot of goodbyes.

I am not intentionally trying to be controversial with this topic. The reality is for Cath personally this has been a really difficult topic across my personal life and my career. I will always see the positive, the good intention in everyone. I will always offer my time to offer advice and support when those who seek it ask. In limited circumstances I've allowed my full self to be seen, to allow the walls to come down and for my complete vulnerability to be visible. Sometimes these relationships end up breaking you, pushing you into deep introspection, forcing you to confront parts of yourself you've ignored, the traumas you never healed, the patterns you kept repeating. Pain and hurt, then clarity emerges and the healing process begins. Trusting that everything happens at the right time and is a gift.

Some harsh truths I've learnt along the journey:

1. Sometimes your old life has to fall apart before your new life can fall together. Don't hesitate to leave the past in the past. Make peace with it as you leave it.
2. Knowing when to leave the party, the friendship, the relationship, the job is so important. Don't leave with regret. Not everyone will love you, that's normal. Take the learnings forward. Leaving one party and going to the next can be life changing. The last party I went to opened the door to new friendships that make my heart sing, I found Cath again. Be where you are appreciated, where you are the life of the party high on life's natural energy of happiness.
3. It's not your job to fix insecure people. It's your job to fix the part of you that resonates with your insecurities.
4. A life moment - possible drowning in the Blue Grotto in Capri Italy - and 2 serious health scares do change how you see life. Gratitude every moment of every day.

These really have been my hard truths. Set the boundaries that you didn't set in the previous relationships that broke you. Challenge yourself to try new things. The gym, the Latin dancing class, the personal trainer, give back and charity, building friendships with your weakness for bad boys (jokes boys, or maybe not!) - those willing to give you the hard truths Ricardo Rivera Dan Megson and to those lifetime mentors who always ask the tough love questions when Cath is at her lowest - you know who you all are and I wouldn't be the person I am today without each of you in my life. Keep keeping me accountable.

Finding Joy in Small Moments

Value your time by dedicating it to what truly matters. Do the things that match what you believe in. Show yourself the love you deserve.

I'm no stranger to sharing a photo or twenty on the LinkedIn platform. I'm no stranger to sharing gratitude for those who shine brightly. Find joy in the the small moments.

A lifelong friend from primary school shared the following quote with me on Sunday evening, titled this reminded me of you, you are so inspiring. "Be too much. Be extra. Live large. Smile big. Laugh hard. Celebrate your damn self. Open your heart. Express your emotions. Use your words. Giggle. Dance. Soak in the sun. Splash in the waves. Breathe deep and love your damn life. You only get one." Joy.

A customer and now a dear friend saw this and thought of me. "In life, you will realise there is a role for everyone you meet. Some will test you. Some will use you. Some will love you and some will teach you. But the ones who are truly important are the ones who bring out the best in you. They are the rare and amazing people who remind you why it's worth it." Joy

Wednesday evening this gorgeous soul, the person who welcomed that nervous and scared Cath into the gym for the very first time 20 months ago with a huge warm smile, shared her journey, her story, her studies, her excitement for the career ahead, her passion for sales, all with that same huge warm smile. Always smiles and waves when we see each other. Always makes the time. Always an absolute pleasure Martina Baltic Joy.

To a true inspiration. A very special person supporting and helping so many others becoming their true self, connecting strangers. Our relationship has only formed over the last couple of months, yet she has always been there in my corner. Quietly approaching me when I was at risk of hurting a muscle when at first learning the weights, pretending like I was invisible to everyone. To our weekly PT sessions where she is testing me to try harder in areas I struggle with - stability, flexibility. Helping me to improve little by little. Helping me to build the confidence where there are no limits to what I am capable of. Eleni Kontominas for discovering your true self and making a career change when it didn't feel right. For representing NSW at not just the State but also the National level in just a few weeks. You have shown me how limiting thoughts of unconscious bias can become - every single week I love our sessions - proving that PT sessions are not what everyone thinks them to be. Joy.

To the team members I had the privilege of once leading, now honoured to call friends, those who ring to check-in, those who share excitement when selling their home, starting a new job, sending best wishes for an upcoming special trip. Thusitha Abeysekara Suzi Nikoloski (MAICD) Ingrid van Uden Michelle Twigg Tanya Holland Jodie Koch Joy.

To the friends who know when something feels off and always find a subtle way to check-in. Wendy Zveglic Maria Villalon Paolita Melanie Valderrama Maddi Cutts Natasa Derkoska-lee Joy.

To former colleagues, blessed to call friends, who send you the provocative podcast, gift you with a book opening your mind to how to live your best life. Kylie Jones Erika Noda Joy.

To one of your all time favourite leaders and lifelong friends ringing to share their exciting news. Brenton Hodder Joy.

Monday evening my batteries were flat, an emotional day. There for a lifelong friend, there for dad Terry Moloney Then Latin Touch Dance Co. Always pure magic and even managed a smile out of me. Surround yourself with beautiful people always. Joy.

The ocean and the bay have a way of resetting the mind, the soul. I can travel the world and it's the coastal waters that will always have my heart, at peace. #mywhy Joy.

The gym is my special place. It's unbiased and reliable. It doesn't care what's going on in my life. All it cares about is the energy I give it. The sweat. The sacrifice. The gym turns the chaos and noise of the outside world into a faint whisper. My addiction. My love. Never was and never will be about the numbers, always about the mental health journey. Joy.

Mindset matters. Everything in life happens for a reason. It's up to you to decide, was a gift presented to me and am I now ready to open it? A positive outlook changes how you see life. Be courageous. Be brave. You will know when it's your time. Keep finding joy in the small moments every moment of every day.