You Can Fake It, But You Can't Make It

Imagine standing on stage, all eyes and lights on you. You want to speak, but the right words won’t come. You want to sound fluent and confident, yet all you get are stuttering, gasping for breath, and forcing air through vocal cords, squeezed firmly shut with tension.

I still remember how my mentor looked me in the eye, all serious and solemn, saying, "Stop it, Chuen Chuen. Stop it. What you are doing is not sustainable."

I had just told her I practiced for over 60 hours just for a 30-minute speech, yet I was shaking and lost the words a few times.

For goodness sake, even I couldn't stand myself. But I didn't know any other way because I believed that becoming skillful was the only way. I'll finally be able to squeeze some confidence out of my introverted bones.

As an introvert, the background was my playground. I didn’t mind not being in the limelight. Talking to people, one-on-one felt more genuine and sincere. Most of all, it was safe. On the stage or with a crowd larger than three was a different story. It was stressful. It felt dangerous. I was afraid that others would find out that beneath my normal outlook, there was a demon lurking inside. I need to hide away before anyone realizes the truth about me, but I can’t.

?

Staying in the background and playing it safe wasn’t aligned with my aspirations. To grow my business, I needed to put myself out there. That meant mastering the craft of public speaking, putting myself out there to be judged and evaluated by harsh, critical eyes. That made me squirm more than anything, like parasites were crawling underneath my skin.

?

Overcoming my fear of public speaking was one of the most difficult things I have done. People who know me couldn’t understand why I chose to make myself so uncomfortable. I’d lose sleep and appetite, and my mood would get terrible. ?It was far easier to give up than to push on, quicker to raise a white flag and surrender than to get to the top. They all thought this was some funny business idea that would go away with time.

?

The reason to persist was, however, as clear as day. This was the final piece that would align my stars for future success.

?

But my approach was wrong. Working my butt off to achieve perfect clarity in my message, 60 hours of practice for a ridiculously short speech didn't take the edge off. In fact, my anxiety was amplified! I can remember this one time when I delivered a speech to roaring applause, but crushed by the incessant negative self-talk of the inner demons, I couldn’t find in my heart even the slightest spark of happiness.

All I’ve achieved with this insane effort to be SKILLFUL is perfecting the craft of faking it. I've faked it so well that my mind, body, and heart were so disconnected. I was never going to make it because the anxiety would destroy me from the inside.

?

One fine day, I got so sick of the uneasy, yucky feeling of living with parasites under my skin that I decided enough was enough. I have to do something different this time!

Going on an inner journey to strengthen the core was magic.

It was like pulling the parasites that I had been cohabitating with one by one and exterminating them.

There's one with the warped concept of safety and danger.

Another one was called fear of being judged.

Then another one called crazy high self-expectations. (I beat myself up all the time.)

Exterminating the enemy from within made me feel lighter. I've never felt so free. Once the work was done, I’m a brand new person. My mind, body and heart were finally connected.

?

After 43 years of cohabitating with my inner demons, I have finally moved out on my own. I’m starting to see the stage as my playground and taste the sweet joy of speaking. Without parasites under my skin, I’m able to focus on my audience, and truly connect with them, human to human. The lesson I’ve learned is that no matter how imperfect we think we are, there is something we can give to the world. And with this, I have found one of the greatest joys in my life… the courage to be authentically imperfect in front of others.

If you too, are struggling with the fear of public speaking, I encourage you to explore a different approach. Complement your skills development with inner work. Elevate your mindset, get to know yourself again. You'll be surprised by how far you can go.

P.S. Did you know that the fear of public speaking is the No. 1 fear in the world?

That's why I teach Leadership Storytelling. This is NOT skills training session where I'm showing you how to FAKE IT. I include mindset work to elevate your leadership presence and prepare you to MAKE IT.

Check out my course here.

If you want 1-to-1 customized support, reach out to me too.

________________________________________________________________

If you enjoyed reading this story, please stay connected. Here are a few ways you can do so.

1. Subscribe to my?newsletter?for bite-sized stories. This will ensure you get your dose of short (sometimes very funny) and useful stories and strategies that will help you lead an empowered life.
2. Follow me on LinkedIn so you'll get my updates.
3. Curious about how a former Math teacher like me began to write beyond math formula (my grey neutral zone) and thrive? Join my next?Leadership Storytelling Course?–?Get to Yes. It’s a five-module online course with real-life applications, learning together with a supportive group PLUS you get personalized feedback from me that will up your game to impact and influence.?
4. I’m writing my second book,?Leaders People Love. You can help shape the book by taking part in the Global Survey. It’ll take 5 minutes of your time at most, I promise.

#ChuenChuenYeo #leadership #success #business #careers #agile #futureofwork #storytelling #SkyHighTower #LBFalumni #leaderspeoplelove