You Can Do Hard Things

Since November of 2021, this has been one of the hardest years of my life. On a beautiful Friday evening my husband and I were at a wonderful birthday dinner in downtown Sarasota for one of our favorite aunts. My sister called just before the food was served, so I stepped away and took the call. In that moment my life as I know it changed forever. My sister told me my parents were on their way to my daughter's baby shower and had a terrible wreck and were both killed. I asked her "are you joking?" She said no. Then she told me what happened.

I had to hold it together. I did not want to ruin the birthday party. I had to find my husband. I told him we need to leave. He asked why and asked if something was wrong. I told him I would tell him when we got in the car. He made our excuses, everyone knew my dad had been fighting cancer and assumed it had to do with him, so no one asked too many questions, they just sent their best regards.

We walked calmly to the car and when we got in and closed the door I lost it and through the tears told my husband that my mom and dad were dead. We were both in disbelief. We headed home and my husband said pack up we are leaving tonight. He made the calls to tell our children and I packed me and the dogs and I think were were on the road in a few hours, driving straight through from Sarasota to Dallas.

Looking back driving straight through with all of my family knowing was not the best or nicest thing to do as my parents had died on the road driving on a highway. But we just had to be there with my sister and brother and children and grands. We had to hold on to each other.

I called my employer and let them know what happened. My supervisor knew and loved my mom so she was devastated as well. She told me do what I had to do and take whatever time I needed. All thoughts of being the exhibits manager were put to the side. I was a daughter, the oldest sister and a mom.

With Thanksgiving coming so soon we decided to wait until mid December to have the funeral to give time to our California family, my dad's sisters and cousins to make travel plans and get to Texas.

My parents bodies were in a town between Dallas and Conroe and we had to wait for them to be moved to Dallas. They had thought ahead and had their funeral planned and paid for. My sister insisted on seeing them. The funeral director told her they were not in a condition we could see them. My sister pushed. She said she had to see them. She needed to hold my dad's hand. They said that is not possible. They finally said they could get them ready for us to look at them through a glass. I wasn't sure I could look. I have never been good with death and I certainly did not want to see my parents dead. But I am the oldest and I wanted to be supportive of my sister and brother, so I went.

They were both laying there heavily wrapped in sheets I am guessing to hide the injuries. All we could see on my dad was his bruised up face and on my mom her face and a little bit of her hair. My sister pushed again. She had to touch them. After much pushing were were allowed to go in. I did not want to, but I wanted to be a supportive sister so I went. Once in the room with them we all just looked and kissed them on the forehead.

That month between their death and funeral I worked in a fog. It is amazing things worked out as well as they did for this year's show. I think it must have been muscle memory taking over and work ethic. That Christmas was not Christmas for me. There were no decorations and no celebrating.

Death has a way of putting everything in perspective. It makes you realize none of us are promised tomorrow. Losing a parent, my case two at once puts you in a club you never wanted to be a part of. It opens your eyes to the pain of others. It makes you hold the ones you love a little more tightly. It makes you forgive.

The last time my mom called I did not answer because I was on my way to dinner and knew a call with mom would be a long one. After she died I felt guilty about not taking the call. But my niece told me I was lucky because now I have the voicemail message and I can hear my mom's voice telling me she loves me whenever I want. If I had answered that call I would not have that message.

When I got home from the funeral, work became my focus. I know with everything that happened I have not been the best exhibits manager. I am sure things slipped and sales were missed, but I am lucky enough to have a great relationship with my employer and my exhibitors and we were able to make it work. I was honest when I had a tough day. And honest when I thought I missed something. Funny thing is I did not miss much. That old muscle memory took over and many times when I thought I might have forgotten something I searched my email and even though I did not remember doing it I did.

My advice is in the good times develop good habits and follow processes so when something happens you have them to fall back on until you are back in a good place mentally and emotionally. My mom's birthday and my parent's anniversary are in a few days from now. I think I will be leaning on good habits and processes again.