Are you Breaking from the Inside or the Outside?

Coming like the ice cream man

Till I felt his ice-cold hands

And how I pay the price now

Everything you did, left me in ruin

But now, I’m grown and I’m a woman

And I’ll be damned if I let a man ruin how I walk, talk, do it...

I’m a brave strong woman…

• Ice Cream Man, RAYE, 2023.

In my native Ghana, we all bred chickens. In my childhood home in Accra, the capital,??we owned a hen coop in our garden which housed about 25 hens. There was an open space within the coop where the hens slept, and little bunkers which we laid with straw where the hens laid their eggs.

Every morning, awoken by the loud cockerels,? we checked on the hens.

We took some of the eggs?for breakfast – my mum cracked them from the outside which she then fried for our?breakfast.

However,? some of the eggs were already broken from the inside – giving birth to new life - little squeaking chicks.??

Every egg in that hen coop got broken in the end.

The egg broken from the inside led to life. A new chick was hatched.?

The egg broken from the outside led to death. A potential?life was lost.

Everybody will face a brokenness at some point: a death in the family. Trauma from childhood. Abusive partners. Bankruptcy. Unexpected sickness. A near-fatal accident. A painful divorce or betrayal. A painful insult from a loved one. Alcohol, drugs,??or some other form of self-sabotage.?

One of my most difficult ones was in June 2012 when I was driving to Mevagissey, a quaint town in Cornwall, England after a workout in the gym. I crashed into a pole and hit a taxi. The driver ended up in hospital, my car was destroyed beyond repair and my life was spared by a seatbelt.

I was diagnosed with epilepsy.

My first response was denial, especially when the doctors could find nothing wrong. I continued down this path until another near-fatal accident in 2016 after I had gone a year without fits.

It was then that I came to the second response. Acceptance.

Then I allowed myself to be broken from the outside. I nearly lost my loved ones, my dignity, and everything as a result.

It was then that I realised I had the capability to make a choice.???

Would I allow this disease to break me from the inside – to break down the walls of pride, self-importance and perceived immortality that I had, or would I allow it to continue to break me from the outside, leading to cynicism, bitterness, shame, self-pity and sadness?

Thankfully I eventually?chose the former, but not after I had experienced the latter.

I allowed the sickness to begin to shape me from the inside – and I landed with a huge dose of humility – and a new life -?a certified mentor, entrepreneur and best-selling author.

It is the?reason why you are now reading this, and how I became an international best-selling author.

It was the same choice my cousin Helena faced when as a fit and healthy woman, she got suddenly diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She chose to be broken from the inside. She let go of all the unforgiveness and bitterness she had been carrying for ages and found a wonderful new life – as a speaker and encourager for fellow cancer sufferers, and a massive encouragement to many, including me.

She refused to be broken from the outside.

It was the same choice Xavier faced when he lost his daughter through suicide. He allowed himself to be broken from the outside which then led to death.

He is now a fully blown drug addict with a cold heart and corresponding cold hands – leaving a trail of destruction behind him whilst pretending to be an ice cream man. He’s left a trail of destruction behind him. Sexual assault.??Broken relationships. Frequent trips to prison. Abusive to his partner. Full of anger.

He allowed himself to be broken from the outside and like the ice cream man in RAYE's song, he's used his harmless-looking exterior to assault and damage many relationships.?

He allowed himself to be broken from the outside.?

In between life’s painful events and our response is a window of choice. And we are responsible and response-able for managing that choice. I have failed at this. Many times.

In life, we all have, or will have a story of brokenness. The question is,? where will we allow ourselves?to be broken - ?from the?inside, or from the outside??

It’s all a ''frame of mind''.

I'm rooting for you,?

Steven.

To share:

1. One of the UK’s biggest entrepreneurial awards, The Signature Awards is next week (29th September)in Mayfair, London, and I'd be judging the awards. Not too late for your tickets: www.nachural.co.uk
2. As a result of being broken from the inside, I am now offering FOUR new services – look out for my new website… coming soon.
3. And I’d love your feedback, even if it's just to chat – [email protected], and if you love this FREE newsletter, please share it with your friends!!