Your Brain on Unfairness

 What Can You Do When Someone Acts Unfairly?

Have you ever had a knee-jerk reaction to someone who cuts in front of you on the road (or a finger-jerk reaction)? How about when you glared at the person who has too many items in the express lane at the grocery store? Do other people’s behaviors disgust you so much you can’t be in their presence? Even if you feel your reaction is thoroughly justified, your brain makes you act like a child when under the influence of unfairness.

What is unfairness?

Although there is lot of social inequity in the world, most of the unfairness you react to daily is when a person or group you encounter doesn’t play be the rules. They lie, cheat, break promises, or take unfair advantage of you or others. The rules may be outlined on paper, or they are the rules you live by in the “world according to you.”

Several research institutions including Caltech, the University of Arizona, Baylor and Princeton Universities have used brain scans to study moral decision making. They found that one of the most basic, primary reactions occurs when your brains determines a situation is “just not fair." These are instinctive reactions that occur before the logical centers of the brain can be activated.

The result? The moment your brain determines someone is not playing by the rules, your abilities to deliberate, weigh all sides of an issue, and make thoughtful decisions are impaired.

The researchers at Princeton found that when people felt cheated, their emotional system primed them to say “no” immediately without thinking through their response. In fact, the unfairness reaction kicks in faster than the temptation to accept free things, including money. Once you think someone is acting unfairly, you stop listening to them, you judge them, and you won’t take anything they offer.

Who makes up the rules?

Cultural and religious background, family upbringing, education, life experiences, and opinions of people you like combine to form the rules you live by and think others should follow. Other than legal and safety issues, these rules are often based on personal bias and what you think is right and wrong. They differ from one person to the next, yet most people think their rules are the rules everyone should live by.

Your brain on unfairness

Whether your team or candidate lost, someone took the empty parking space you spotted, your boss doesn’t see your worth over others of the opposite sex, or your partner broke a promise, your brain will act as if someone is threatening you physically. You make snap decisions, scream at strangers, and stomp your feet, maybe for days. You justify your response by saying unfairness is wrong. Thus, we have a world full of smart people who judge their neighbors, relish when road hogs get their due, and give the slow-moving grocery clerk the evil eye. Frequent reactions to unfairness can hardwire your brain to make you a chronic complainer.

Strategies to dampen ruminations about unfairness

Your brain can find an endless stream of people and circumstances to call unfair. How much energy do you want to invest in being upset? If you can change the situation, plan to act. If the unfair situation is out of your control, here are some steps you can follow to create peace of mind:

1. Become aware of what your brain is doing in reactive situations. Catch yourself feeling annoyed or angry. Then take a breath before you say or do anything else to make the situation worse.
2. Determine if your loss is real or not. Is the rule you think was broken a big deal, really? Did the person who offended you take anything away from you? Did you lose more than a few minutes of your time? Did you lose respect? If any answer is “yes,” you might want to tell the aggressor the impact their behavior had on you. Take a stand. Make a request for what you need to happen next. If your answers are “no,” choose to relax and let go. Then focus on the next two steps.
3. Choose to be healthy instead of right. You decide where to put your most precious resource—your energy. Don’t waste it on people who don’t even know who you are or what you need in the moment. What is the lesson in this situation? Should you do something differently or act more quickly next time? Maybe you could choose to spend your time somewhere else.
4. Take care of yourself. Don’t let acts of unfairness ruin your health and your experience of life. Focus on acts of kindness, activities you enjoy, and what you are grateful for now and in the future to stay sane.

Although it may be true that the situation is unfair, it’s not helpful to keep focusing on it. Instead, put energy into actions that will make a difference. Act where you can so you feel like you are doing something to make things better. Then let the rest of it go to brighten your life and the world.

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