Are You a Boundary Boss or a Burnout Magnet?

Boundaries - ahh, such a simple word, yet it holds so much weight, doesn’t it?

For me, setting healthy boundaries has been a journey, and I’m most definitely still working on it. Like many of us, I’ve had moments where saying no felt impossible, where I overextended myself, or where I let guilt guide my decisions. But the more I’ve learned, the more I’ve realised just how essential boundaries are - not just for protecting my time and energy but for building healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

In fact, one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that it’s not always someone else’s behaviour that’s the issue - it’s that I hadn’t clearly expressed how I wanted and deserved to be treated.

Yes, there are people out there who aren’t very kind and will take advantage of those of us with “leaky” boundaries. But in most cases, people don’t actually mean to cause harm. They’re not mind-readers. Unless we learn to communicate our needs with clarity and self-respect, we’re always going to feel like our needs are being overlooked.

Boundaries with family and friends

Christmas, in particular, is always a shaky time for boundary setting, isn’t it? The season is full of high expectations - family traditions, social commitments, and the pressure to make everything magical. For families that are separated or blended, there’s always the looming question: Who do you see on that one precious day of the year? Saying no or turning someone down can feel almost unbearable, can’t it? The guilt of disappointing loved ones is a struggle I know all too well, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this.

When boundaries are shaky, it can lead to behaviours that hurt both us and those around us. Avoiding a direct conversation about your needs might lead to passive-aggressive behaviour -a sarcastic comment or silent treatment instead of speaking honestly.

Saying yes to spending Christmas at a relative’s house when you really didn’t want to will only create underlying resentment, and let’s be honest, that’s bound to show up somehow. Perhaps it sneaks out through sulking at the dinner table, or sometimes we might even involve a third party instead of addressing the issue directly with the person involved. A little childish, sure, but haven’t we all been there at some point, or at least known someone who has?

These behaviours often stem from a fear of setting boundaries, but they tend to create even more confusion and tension in relationships.

Recognising these patterns is the first step to making a change. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean shutting people out - it’s about showing up in a way that feels right for you and allows you to honour your own needs while respecting others.

Boundaries in the workplace

Boundaries aren’t just a personal or family matter - they’re crucial in the workplace, too. For me, when my boundaries slip at work, it’s all too easy to end up feeling:

• Exhaustion - Feeling like you’re running on empty because you’ve taken on too much, often working late or skipping breaks.
• Resentment - Frustration when your efforts go unrecognised, like when a boss takes credit for your work or overlooks your contributions.
• Anxiety - Worrying about how your colleagues or boss will react if you say no, ask for help, or take time off.
• Guilt - Feeling bad for prioritising your well-being, using your annual leave, or even taking a proper lunch break.
• Overwhelm - Being pulled in too many directions with conflicting deadlines and priorities.
• Loss of Identity - Losing sight of your goals because you’re so focused on pleasing others or meeting constant demands.
• Physical Symptoms - Stress showing up in your body through headaches, tight shoulders, or a sinking feeling when you think about work.
• Difficulty Focusing - Struggling to concentrate because your mind is replaying conversations or overthinking emails.

And just like with family and friends, shaky boundaries at work can lead to indirect behaviours like venting to a colleague instead of addressing the issue with your manager or taking on tasks reluctantly and then silently stewing about it. These behaviours might feel easier in the moment, but they only make things harder in the long run.

How boundaries can transform your life

Looking at the table below, it’s clear how much unhealthy boundaries can weigh us down and how transformative it is to replace them with healthy ones. Recognising where my boundaries are a little shaky - whether with family, friends, or at work - has helped me take small but meaningful steps toward protecting my emotional energy and valuing my own needs. It’s not always easy, and guilt still creeps in, but I remind myself that my well-being matters too.

Boundaries aren’t about being selfish - they’re about being honest, with yourself and others. Each small step I take toward strengthening my boundaries feels like reclaiming a piece of myself, and it’s worth the effort.

So, how do you handle boundaries during the holidays or in the workplace? Is there one small step you could take in 2025 to prioritise your own needs, even just a little?

Becky x