Beware the trap of excessive niceness in tough negotiations. It may seem helpful, but it can backfire, making you appear insincere and undermining trust, leading to weaker outcomes.
There are a variety of problems that come with being too nice in a negotiation. I have mentioned the big five:
- Fake smiles trigger our defences: The average person is so accustomed to niceness being used as a sales strategy that they interpret a smile or an overly friendly salutation as a trap. When someone is nice to you without any clear context or motive, you naturally assume they want something from you—and you put up your emotional guard.
- Ego-centric niceness: The second problem with niceness is that it encourages you to make assumptions about your counterpart. Most people rely on their own preferences and experience to determine what nice looks like. Don’t assume that your personal brand of niceness is also their cup of tea. If you don’t make an effort to understand your counterpart and treat them the way they wish to be treated, you won’t succeed in earning their trust and respect.
- It limits your negotiating possibilities: Discover 'known unknowns' and unveil 'unknown unknowns' for better deals. Embrace the 'no' to uncover boundaries and expand the negotiating pie. Being too nice stifles valuable information and limits success.
- Likeability doesn't come from being nice: There’s some truth to the saying that “nice guys finish last.” Unlock likeability with empathy and respect, not just niceness. Balance is the key, so ditch the 'nice guy' myth. Master the art of tactical empathy, adapting it to different negotiators for better results
- Don't settle for less: it leads to mediocre deals: 7Avoid the 'yes trap' and be wary of being too nice in negotiations. Protect autonomy, build trust, and secure genuine agreements. Confront challenges, address negatives, and prevent failure. Being overly accommodating leads to inequality, distrust, and resentment.
