You Are Being Manipulated

Welcome to Emotional Mastery with Moksha Grace Coaching.

A weekly newsletter bringing you new perspectives and shining a light on some common missteps and limiting beliefs that hold us back on our path to emotional liberation.

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If you’re just getting to know me, my name is Michelle and I am an Emotional Liberation Coach.

I guide clients through releasing limitations and learning to work with their emotions so that they can show up more fully in every area of their lives.

Let’s dive into today’s topic - Emotional Manipulation

Contrary to what was likely your first impression - we’re not talking about emotional manipulation from others in this newsletter. We’re talking about the emotional manipulation we thrust upon ourselves.?

AKA - the emotions from deep within that overtake us and run the show - causing us to act or react in ways beyond our typical nature.

I’m sure it’s no surprise to anyone reading if I say we've been conditioned to depend on other people to make us feel happy. However, in making others responsible for our happiness, we also open the door for others to make us feel deeply unhappy.?

What does this look like? A perfect example of this was modeled by one of my clients a few years ago. She would do everything “right” in the mornings - meditate, journal, be in gratitude - but then when she got to work, if her boss was in a bad mood, the day was a wash and so was her own mood.?

Where do these emotions come from? The emotional reactions like in that example arise from different places within your being. It can be your ego, past experiences, worries about the future, judgments, or beliefs. Ultimately, as always, it really boils down to love or fear.

When we can identify the origins, we can start processing and releasing.?

I’m going to take you through two exercises (below) to get you started on your journey of taking back control.

EXERCISE 1

I want you to imagine that you're in a bubble. It can be a bubble of light, a floating bubble, a bubble gum bubble, whatever feels right for you. In this bubble, nothing can touch you and you are safe.

I want you to think of a time when something happened and you became furious. I’m talking, your mood went from 0 to 100 almost immediately. Maybe you lost control, said something you didn’t want to, or acted out in a way that wasn’t appropriate.

Let that memory come up and as you’re watching it, with no shame or blame, ask yourself - Why did I react that way?

Just let the answer come in. Let it bubble up.?

Now ask - Why did this situation bother me so much in the moment??

Again, just let the answer come in.?

Next question - Is this true of me right now? Whatever bothered you at that moment, whatever you believed, was it the absolute truth of who you are deep inside??

Final question - Was the reaction out of love or fear?

Now take a big deep breath and pop your bubble on the exhale. Jot down anything that came up, anything that surprised you.

Great work!?

EXERCISE 2

I want you to imagine that you're in a bubble. You can make this one a different color bubble if you’d like.?

I want you to think of a time when you felt incredibly happy, calm, relaxed, or successful. What was happening? Who were you with? Try to get in the feeling of being there in the moment.

As you allow the memory and feelings to come up, I want you to ask yourself the following questions:

• Why were you feeling good??
• Why were you feeling so happy, calm, or successful??
• What was different about that moment?
• Were you feeling that way from a place of fear or a place of love??
• What else do you notice about this memory??

Now, take a deep breath and as you’re breathing in, imagine all of these good feelings rushing in, then as you breathe out, imagine them sinking into your heart and settling there.?

Take another deep breath and pop your bubble on the exhale. Jot down anything that came up for you.

LET’S REVIEW

When you were doing those exercises, who was in control? It wasn’t me. I guided you through the exercises, but it was you who elicited the emotions.

The same thing occurs in every moment. We ultimately choose what our response (or reaction) will be. If you’d like to stop getting triggered by outside influences and stop allowing your emotions to rule your world, tuck the following questions into your back pocket for the next time you’re triggered:

• Where is this coming from??
• Is this from the past or the future??
• Is this based in love or fear??

A lot of people stay very superficial with these types of exercises. They get to the first layer and think they're done. And then they’re shocked when the same scenario comes up again. And again.

To truly do this work, you keep asking “why” until you get to the root. You’ll hear me say it time and time again - get curious.

But here’s the catch. There are a lot of methods and techniques out there. There are a lot of books to read. And the thing is, the methods, techniques, and books are all incredibly helpful, but what happens when you get uncomfortable by what’s being brought to the surface??

Think about it, how many times have you changed your job because your boss was a bully or it just wasn't the right fit for you? And let me guess, the new job started as or developed into toxic job 2.0?

Why? You didn’t peel back the layers of the onion to discover the habits and patterns within yourself that caused the reality you were experiencing, so you found yourself right back where you started. Just with different faces.

The power of a coach. By working with somebody that can guide you through the process of uncovering and releasing your emotional baggage, you take away the power of your triggers. You dive deeper, figure out where your triggers and reactions are coming from, and learn to respond from a place of love rather than react out of fear. And that's the key to all of it.?

The important thing is that you get to the bottom of and address the real issue and to do that you have to dive deep. Truth be told, you will not be able to process everything in one sitting. Traumas and triggers are like an onion with multiple layers you have to peel back. However, it’s crucial to make your inner work a priority because the longer you put it off, the more it will keep coming up.?

Try the exercises above and see what comes up for you.?

The next time you’re in a triggering situation, ask yourself those questions I gave you.?

And if you know you struggle with your emotions taking control, book a free compatibility session with me, and let’s dive into it.