Are you on autopilot?

Have you ever been cruising down the road and started zoning out about random things like life, your business, what’s for dinner, our place in the cosmos, or maybe how awesome Neil Gaiman’s?The Sandman?series is? Then you realize you missed your turn or went to the next exit. You are on autopilot. You’ve stepped away from the driver’s seat and let the autopilot take the helm. Through repetition, you’ve developed the motor skills for so many various tasks in life that it’s become easy to turn the autopilot on — sometimes without even knowing it.?

You know the drill. You’re making coffee in the morning and you realize you forgot to fill the water or add the coffee (because duh, you haven’t had your coffee yet). LOL! It happens when you’re taking a shower, walking through your house to get something, heating your lunch in the microwave, or walking the dog around the block for the thousandth time. We drop in and out of being present so easily. We often miss that we even did it — until we realize that we put the coconut milk in the microwave and put our coffee mug in the refrigerator. WHAT THE…??!!! Then we snap out of it and say to ourselves, “Wait. What was I doing? Oh, right. Making coffee — DOH!” Then we get back to it as we chuckle at ourselves. There are so many examples I can share that have been done at one time or another.?

Recently, I was interviewing Janette Gallardo, owner of Vitta Solutions, for the upcoming season of The Artful Podcast, about how she helps clients by humanizing business finances. We got into a conversation about being on autopilot and how it creeps up constantly in our daily lives. I thought it would be a fun (and relevant) topic to speak to this week on the blog. I’d like to share a few stories that came up for me as I was thinking about the concept for this post. Can I just say that I dropped into autopilot several times today as I was doing things just before I started to write it??

“Don't try to pay attention to anything. Just become more attentive, and you won't miss a thing.” — Sadhguru?

In life?

Several years ago my partner and I traveled to England and Scotland for a vacation. We had been to England before and wanted to go back to the UK to spend some quality time in Scotland. One thing that was going to be different about this trip since we were going to Scotland was this time — we were going to be driving cross-country. And by we, I mean me. Have you ever driven on the other side of the road? If you’ve been to England and haven't driven on the other side of the road, you know that just walking through places like London can be a bit like the classic video game, ‘Frogger’. There may have been a few Frogger-like moments where I leaped out of the way when a retro black cab came whizzing by on our side of the street. ?? ?? ?? ?? ?

I have to say that, thanks to Google Maps, driving in Scotland was so much easier. Thank you, Google! Several of your apps, like Maps, Photos, and Translate, have been game-changers for travel. Although Google Maps helped with navigation in a foreign land, it did not allow me to pop on a podcast and flip the autopilot switch on. The roads are narrow, the trash trucks take up nearly the entire lane, and the curbs on the other side of the car make it feel like you’re a professional bumper car driver. Just to clarify, you are! You have to stay focused at all times while driving that small rental car you picked up from Avis. It gets even more fun when you get out of the city and are on rural routes. No kidding! I had an absolute blast! It was my favorite experience of the entire trip. I loved driving to the Isle of Skye to hike the Fairypools and having to slow down for the Highland coos and the mountain goats on the road. The mountains and countryside were picturesque and the road rage was non-existent — it was magical! There was not much traffic but there was absolutely no autopilot. It was invigorating to be so focused and intent on what I was doing for such a prolonged period of time. One of the only other experiences I’ve had where I was so hyper-present was scuba diving. It’s such a juxtaposition from the distractions we manage in our everyday lives, not to mention the repetitive motions we go through that allow us to go into autopilot mode, like riding your bike in your neighborhood or driving down the interstate.?

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”?— Viktor Frankl

In relationships

Another area where we can be on autopilot is in our relationships. I’ve shared in previous posts that my dad had cancer. I would like to share a story about the epiphany I had, about sometimes being on autopilot with my partner, while I was caring for my dad during his treatment. What I mean by that is, that I realized how much she takes on and does for others, whether that’s at home, in the office, with friends, family members, co-workers — and me. As I got settled into what became a three-month-long journey as a caregiver for my dad, and inevitably my mom to some degree, I began to see things that I just missed in the established norms of my own relationship. My wife is very maternal and takes care of the people closest to her in her life. She is a wonderful hostess. She is a giver. Once we were apart from each other and I was caring for my parents, I started to notice times when I had been on autopilot and missed the level of care she provided me. I realized how grateful I was for my amazing partner and how much she does for me and our little family with our two fur babies, Midi and Mojo. I could empathize with her and felt what it was like to walk in her shoes, in my own way.?

Now, I’m not talking about being some lazy-ass husband that was intentionally taking advantage of my wife’s support and acts of service or anything like that. We both do our part. This was about recognizing how much she did (and does) for me, and the recognition of it. The experience I had over those months provided me with valuable insight. The choice I made to care for my dad created an opportunity to see through a different lens than I ever had before. What I realized was that I had, at times, in various ways, been unintentionally taking for granted the support she’d been providing as my partner. You see, we’re both quite self-reliant, even though we do have our sprinkles of dependency here and there, as any long-term relationship will. I, now, felt a very real understanding of such a high level of caregiving that allowed me to comprehend the completely different level of care that my partner had been providing in our relationship. As she drove us home, when I returned after my dad passed away, I almost immediately started to explain the realizations I had had while I was away and apologized profusely for being on autopilot as I broke down crying — for the loss, I had just gone through and for the gratitude I had for the love and companionship that I had returned to.?

I was on the fence about sharing this story, but I feel like it is a powerful reminder of the important things in life that we can take for granted at times, like our significant other. I invite you to find silent moments to reflect on what your loved one does for you and how they show their love to and for you. Put yourself in their shoes. Check back in and make sure that you are walking with them as equitable partners in life. We can all benefit from the remembrance of the faith, love, and devotion our loved ones give to us and that we provide to them.

"If you are ready for a change say this with me, 'I am willing to do whatever I need to do to (fill in the blank). I am willing to give up what gets in the way of this. I let go of the security blankets that are smothering my potential. I am committed to this process come good days and difficult ones. With this commitment, I know that doors are opening for me. I trust my process because I know the depth of my commitment. My growth is not linear and I am here for the entire ride."?— Chani Nicholas

In business

My final story comes from a recent coaching call I had with a client. They shared that they had been on autopilot and felt like they had been a “passenger” in their own life. Have you ever felt that way? I know I have. Just like drifting off while driving down the interstate, we can feel like someone or something else is in the driver’s seat of our lives, and even in our businesses. My client shared how they felt like they were stuck in inertia and just couldn’t build up enough momentum to stay energized, focused, and committed to their work, and inevitably their creative business. Because of that, they were taking any and all jobs that would come their way. They would find creative projects to dive into that filled their cup but not their bank account. They kept taking on projects that did not inspire them or help fulfill the goals that would help them realize their dream life. Whether you are taking orders from clients as a freelancer, from your boss at a corporate gig, or running your own creative business, sometimes it can feel like you’re on autopilot. I've been there myself. My invitation to you is to step away from the chaos and carve out some time to sit in silence with your thoughts. Listen to your intuition. Ask the tough questions. What’s the challenge here for you? What do you really want? What would feel good? What doesn’t feel good? Why? Keep asking why as you dive down into each question. Check-in with yourself and make sure that you are in the pilot’s seat and are controlling what you can control. You never know what might come up and what realizations you might find on the other side.?

I hope this has been helpful to you on your journey in life and business. I’d love to know what came up for you. Feel free to share in the comments or email me directly.?If you’d like to chat about ways we can get you off autopilot and back in the pilot’s seat, feel free to book a clarity call with me too!