You Aren't Who You Think (or Feel) You Are
Ken Carlson
Experienced Executive Coach and Leadership Trainer with a knack for working with Geeks; Specializing in Engineering, Science, Math, and Medical.
We've rebranded as PricklyPear ! In early 2023, we began sharing weekly content (see below) with a focus on neurodivergent leaders and we truly hope it has made a difference for you. Recently, we introduced you to a new company that I (Ken) and Petra Russell, PCC, CPC, ELI-MP have launched to specifically serve neurodivergent leaders.
As Executive Coaches and Leadership Trainers we've had the opportunity to work with hundreds of neurodivergent leaders and coach them through many leadership and workplace challenges. Each week we will continue to share resources and insights for neurodivergent leaders and the rest of us.
This week we address anxiety--a common concern in neurodivergent individuals (and neurotypical people as well.)
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You Aren't Who You Think You Are (Or Who You Feel You Are)
Anxiety and nervousness are real things. Some people are debilitated by anxiety, panic attacks, and struggle to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. They want to be able to do things—but they just can’t bring themselves to get past their anxiety.
Some people, however, don’t seem to be bothered by anything. They approach every situation and it seems they do what there is to be done. They seem to effortlessly do things like:
Most likely you—just like me—fall somewhere in between the two extremes. We can see both sides and sometimes we feel overcome by anxiety and with some things we just do them—as they are meant to be done.
I have a controversial statement that some people take exception to. You are not your thoughts and feelings. In English we say “I am anxious.” No you are not. You have anxiety, you feel anxious but YOU are NOT anxious.
You are your word. You are your words and your actions—the things that are coming out of you and the impact you are making on others. That is who you are.
Those who seem to effortlessly accomplish things in life get this. They don’t ask themselves if they feel like talking to a potential new client or if it makes sense to share the critical feedback. They gave their word to growing their business or improving their employees' lives, so they just do the thing that needs to be done. Their actions are not guided by what they think or feel—but by the word they gave to it.
As an example, I have a client who is in a new job and knows he needs to build a network of peers and potential mentors. Week after week, he reports that he hasn't made any new connections as he is too nervous. Until one week, he comes to our session reporting having made multiple connections. What made the difference? Nothing. He just decided he wanted to honor his word to himself more than he wanted to honor his thoughts and feelings.
I'm not saying that you can't be gentle with yourself when you are experiencing feelings or your thoughts are overwhelming you. I am saying that those thoughts and feelings don't have to rule the day.
I didn't want to wake up at 5:15am this morning to go to the gym and lift weights and send my heart rate through the roof. I also didn't want to get into an ice bath this morning. 32F at 7am. No thanks. I did both though. It's more important to me to be alive for my future grandchildren and I gave my word to working out every day and doing cold water therapy every day. So that's who I am.
What are YOU giving your word to? Who are YOU?
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Past Articles: Neurodiverse Leadership Resource Library
Want more resources on neurodiversity leadership? We are finding and creating resources for you. Watch this section expand every week.
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Staying In Touch
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Executive Coach | Board Member | Senior Advisor | Driven to Serve, Connect, and Lead with Purpose
8 个月Well said! You are your words. Don’t CHOOE to let your thoughts and feelings rule you.