If You Aren't Sure How to Actually Network, Don't Worry You Are Not Alone

Networking can strike fear in the hearts and minds of many individuals.?It's not uncommon for coaching clients I work with to express apprehension when I discuss the importance of networking, especially in this wonky job market we are currently in.

Why does networking provoke such anxiety? Coaching clients I work with often share the following sentiments when the hear the term networking:

• I don’t really know how to connect with others professionally
• I am bad at small talk
• I feel uncomfortable reaching out to new people
• I am not sure how to talk to strangers
• I am worried I won’t have anything of value to offer
• ?I fear I will be seen as desperate

Sound familiar? If so, you're not alone. Many people find the idea of networking intimidating because it entails putting yourself out there, engaging with strangers who may or may not be open or have time to network, and facing uncomfortable interactions (or even rejection).

The fear of not having anything valuable to offer or being perceived as insincere or desperate only adds to the anxiety.

The good news is, with the right approach, connecting with others can transform from a dreaded "do I really have to network?" into an opportunity for building new relationships, further cultivating existing ones, and potentially having doors open in your career.

The secret to feeling more at ease in networking is to create a strategic "relationship building plan" that focuses on three key components:?

• WHO you know in your network?
• HOW you will approach each connection
• WHAT you will do to thank each person

But before we dive into the nuts and bolts of the who, how, and what plan, let’s address an essential truth about building connections. As organizational psychologist and best selling author Adam Grant has shared in his book Give and Take you will encounter both "givers" and "takers."

What is the difference between these two groups of people?

Takers are bridge burners because they use people for their own self-interests. They approach networking with the mentality of, "What's in this for me?" Takers may be constantly on the hunt for new people to exploit, and their relationships tend to be transactional and short-lived. ????

Givers, on the other hand, are those who seek to contribute more than they receive. They build networks with a focus on creating value for others, often without immediate or obvious returns. Givers prioritize helping others, offering support, and sharing knowledge. Givers' connections are characterized by depth and genuine care, fostering a sense of community and collaboration. ???

To become successful in building long-term professional relationships, aim to be a giver. Think about how you can offer value to others in order to build mutually beneficial relationships that grow over time.

Now let's move on to creating your personalized "relationship building" plan.

WHO You Know ??

Step 1: Create a spreadsheet with the following information

If you are in a job search, review your LinkedIn connections to see:

• Who is working at companies of interest and might refer you. ??
• Who has a large network and could introduce you to others. ??
• Who has been a strong advocate for you. ??

If you are currently employed and want to network more generally, consider:

• Who you would love to learn from. ??
• Who could offer career advice. ??
• Who seems like a thought leader in your field. ??
• Who are your industry peers with whom you want to form relationships with. ??

HOW You Will Approach Each Networking Connection ??

Step 2: Categorize your connections into three main groups

• Warm connections: People you know well, such as your favorite colleagues, former managers, family, friends, or mentors. ??
• Luke-warm connections: People you don’t know well but who would recognize your name. ??
• Cold connections: People you don’t know at all but are willing to reach out to. ??

Note: If you feel uncomfortable engaging with complete strangers, start engaging with your "warm" connections first. Over time, you may feel more at ease expanding to "luke-warm" and even "cold" connections:

Next, determine your goal for each interaction:

• Pursuing a job lead: Include a link to the job, your resume, and LinkedIn URL. ??
• Getting your foot in the door: Request a general conversation about working at their company. ??
• Learning from someone: Clearly state what you want to learn, such as their experience in a specific role. ??

Choose the best method of communication for each person—email, LinkedIn message, phone call, or text. ??????

WHAT You Will Do to Thank Each Person ??

Step 3: Determine how you will thank each person, whether it's sending a thoughtful follow-up note, buying them a gift, or publicly evangelizing their achievements (e.g., a book they have written).

Here are a few ideas for expressing your gratitude to someone:

• Highlight what you learned from them during your conversation. ??
• Comment on what you admire about them (e.g., their approach to leadership, their courage to make a career pivot or found a company). ??
• Share your success with them, especially if they referred you for a role and you ended up receiving an offer. ??

Becoming a Networking Pro ??

Finally, know that few people are natural networkers, especially if "building relationships" has taken a backseat in your career. Learning to network requires planning, practice, and sometimes falling flat on your face due to an awkward interaction (hand raised here!). However, with each interaction, you will likely find yourself becoming more and more comfortable (depending on who you are meeting with, of course), and you may even come to like, or dare I say love, networking.