If You Aren’t Navigating Your Emotions Effectively, Should You Even Have a Leadership License?

Unlike the 90% of high performing leaders who know how to navigate their emotions, yesterday, I really didn’t navigate well through mine.

But back to those 90% of star performers who do navigate their emotions well….

Not only do they know what they are feeling – and what that feeling is telling them – they choose how to use the data in that feeling. They are able to change and transform their emotional energy to suit the needs of the situation.

It’s a skill everyone can master – with awareness and practice.

These 90% of high performing leaders weren’t born with the ability to skillfully navigate their emotions. They have worked on remaining calm when dealing with a bucket-load of emotions. They have learnt to cope with their emotions and manage their stress levels.

But even these skilled leaders can fail at times to navigate their emotions.

What prevents them from managing their emotions?

A major cause is too much stress – perhaps due to a cacophony of factors:

• Lack of sleep.
• Stretched capacity (too many things on the to do list!).
• A persistent head/stomach/back ache.
• And a series of ‘micro-aggressions’ – you were finishing off a report til late last night and woke up late and are already rushing to get ready, there was no milk for the coffee this morning, your children need a special calculator today that has a delivery time of 2 weeks, you stubbed your toe on the door, you couldn’t find your phone, you spilt toothpaste down your shirt, the bus was late, it started raining and you’d forgotten your umbrella …. and all this before you even get to work.

Unless you’re navigating your emotions you’re setting yourself up for less than optimal performance – because all this together creates a state of prolonged stress.

Stress is Good! In Small Doses.

We need stress – but incrementally.

If we aren’t working on an engaging project, then we’re typically bored. We need stimulating work to stoke our interest – and coupled with a deadline, that invokes a bit of stress, we improve performance.

Optimal performance varies from person to person. So high performing leaders are aware of what optimal stress looks like for themselves AND for their team members.

Failing to Navigate Emotions

Now back to me and my failure to navigate my emotions.

What happened?

On a Master Facilitator program with Six Seconds – a brilliant program (but I wasn’t focusing on that in the moment), I was given a presentation to deliver with an hour’s prep time.

That was already stress-inducing. I need a lot more time than one hour to deliver a presentation effectively that I’ve never seen before.

I had deprived myself of sleep – I had late night work sessions to deliver.

I saw 15 slides I had to deliver in 30 minutes.

That’s when my emotions kicked in. Confusion, annoyance, agitation, overwhelm.

Then my thoughts kicked in. That’s not possible. Who covers 15 slides in 30 minutes?!? I don’t have enough time. I don't understand this!

But in that depleted state, I wasn’t aware of the data in my emotions and so I processing it effectively. I remained stressed. Rather than my typical approach, where I look at the big picture to get the overall meaning, I immediately drilled down and got stuck in individual, disjointed details.

I shut down. I couldn’t take in useful information.

I was hijacked by my own amygdala.

With the benefit of 18 hours distance, and a good night’s sleep, I can see how I allowed myself to ‘escalate’ and climb into a state of heightened stress – ?progressively shutting down my awareness, may ability to navigate my emotions and my ability to create options.

Do you recognize yourself in that state?

How to Take Action to Prevent the Escalation

Handle your Triggers

You first have to recognize your triggers to develop strategies to handle them.

What are the people or situations that provoke a reaction if you don’t manage them well?

• Agenda-less meetings
• Unclear expectations
• Extreme extroverts/introverts
• Unexpected deadlines

And probably many more. How can you prep yourself to be more effective in those situations and with those people? Know in advance what your will do to remain calm and constructive.

Take the Exits

Rather than allow yourself to ‘escalate’, take the exit.

When you feel your heartbeat start to rise because a colleague just talked over you, smile, then raise your hand to speak. Don’t withdraw or retaliate.

When you know you are about to blurt out words that will harm rather than help a person, close your mouth. (‘Close your mouth’ was a strategy shared by a client, which I loved for it’s simplicity).

Most of all, distract your mind – because once you get yourself thinking on something other than the situation, you’re exiting the escalation path. Name all the countries in Africa, alphabetically, spell your name backwards, list all the Bollywood films starring Amir Khan…. You get the idea.

Build Healthy Habits

Long term stress is a brain and body killer.

Stop kidding yourself that you don’t have time for a walk, or you can’t take a break from your computer screen, or that you can eat lunch later, or that checking emails at 10pm at night is more important than 8 hours of sleep.

Instead, block your schedule for regenerative practices. Build mental down-time and physical up-time into your calendar.

And tune into your emotions. Just like thoughts and actions, they provide you with valuable data. And we never make a decision without involving our emotions – consciously or unconsciously.

So if you are a data buff and you aren’t consciously factoring in your emotions, you’re leaving half the data on the table.

That’s no way to navigate your emotions!

Andrea Stone is an Executive Coach and Leadership Growth Facilitator, supporting leaders and their teams to create greater long-term success. She is a preferred partner of Six Seconds – the world’s largest network of EQ professionals, with an extensive body or research and portfolio of EQ assessments for leaders and their teams.

? Andrea Stone, Stone Leadership

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