You are not alone

Wrote this in 2013. (Edited version below)

This Sunday was as triggering, rattling and as disturbing as it could get. This pandemic has multiplied job losses, isolation, trauma, and grief in multi-folds and yet the most important issue for most of us is having a form of livelihood... pay the bills, feed our families, have money for their healthcare, pay the EMI's, pay the rents....you get the drift.

The debate on life vs livelihood rages on. Has the best of nations, corporates pushing for opening up the lockdown, reviving the economy. In the midst of all this - mental health doesn't get the attention it deserves... there's this one person (a metaphor for us all) who is being crushed under the weight of things not under his control - a nose-diving economy, pressures of different kinds and the fight to be alive.

(post from 2013, edited)

Jiah Khan’s death rattled and upset me. I refused to call it “suicide” just yet (2003). I was hoping the police would also investigate the reasons

why someone so young who had the whole life ahead of her would give up on life… so “brutally”, instead of blaming it on modern-day evils, of depression and a bad career graph or a supposed bad relationship. Those could be things that pulled her down, but could she be murdered? Could someone want her to be silenced? Why are such possibilities not even investigated once – in her case or those of others? Why is the police and people in the media quick to call such occurrences a “suicide” and blame the above reasons for it?

I was much younger when Divya Bharti’s death made the news. It saddened me then. I loved her in the few films she did. She had spunk, I thought. It upset me when Kuljeet Randhawa, Nafisa Joseph (had met her once at an event), and Viveka Babajee “died” as well. I never had the chance to meet these young women or interviewed them despite being a film journalist. 

However, I feel for them and for every one of us (even older people like Nadira) who leave the comforts of our home to follow our dreams/who battle loneliness/weird relationships/finding houses and jobs and being able to cope with pressures from all quarters and yet do a fantastic job in our respective careers and life. It could have been one of us in their place. The deep dark place one goes through to make this such a drastic step is and must be painful and depressing.

I wonder if their friends were kind to them, noticed signs of them being on the edge. Where those casting directors, directors polite while refusing roles? Did they make demands from them that they didn’t want to fulfill and pushed them in further depression? Where their boyfriends cruel to them? Was the media kind to their fall?

These people experienced some level of fame and perhaps that’s why their death made “news” even if it was for a day in some cases. What about the underbelly of Bollywood, how many give up on life and hope every day? I hear stories of being cheated of money, credit and honor on a regular basis. And most of you, who are part of the industry would also have seen, met, and heard these things. And yet, the crab mentality seems to be dominant in the industry, where people are waiting to pull each other down at every opportunity they get. It could be easy to take life/give up on life. What is difficult and requires courage, is to live. To not give up. No matter what. Am I implying Jiah could have taken her life? Hell! No.

But for those of us, who live alone in this city or anywhere in the world, who move away from our comfort zones, our parents for a better life, to fulfill our dreams, to prove ourselves, to make a mark or follow our passions, we need to be much stronger than that. The world can be a kind place if we make it.

Can we consciously be nice to people around us without letting them bulldoze us? Can we try not to cheat and bully people around? Can we stand up for ourselves? Can we not use people in our relationships? If there is no choice but to move away, can we be more sane and mature about a break-up? Nobody/no work/no achievement is indispensable. Everything comes and goes. At the same time can we be responsible for how we let people behave with us and how much power we give the other person or situation over us. #talktosomeone #mentalhealth #youarenotalone #sushantsinghrajput #grief #endthestigma

And if we ever find ourselves in such situations, can we ask for help. Can we consciously take a stock of our lives and dreams, see what is possible and not… and find ways and means to make things happen. Consciously work out a plan that takes us in that direction. You may not become an A list star or director but can you do host a travel show/become an RJ/do ads… there are variants of what one can do in their respective fields exist. Right?

And why should it be seen as a failure. Read stories of people who have achieved things. Most of them have seen bad days and emerged stronger from there. Go out, get friends together – make a film that becomes your portfolio. Put it on YouTube. There is so much to be done, so many ways to “GET THERE”.

There is no investment better than that in ourselves. No matter how difficult the situation is outside, how much of an asshole your bf or that boss is, how fat/thin/inappropriate you think you are, how mindlessly and cruelly your girl or guy has dumped you or how slowly your career is progressing or how little money you have left in the bank, there is always a way out.

And that way is not death. Let it not be death. Death cannot be the answer to all problems. It is not. Once you get over this hurdle, you will laugh at it weeks later when you feel better. But crossing that fine line makes all the difference. to help you cross that deep dark space and bring you to light.

Let it be a way to live life differently. The moment suicidal thoughts come: back off, surround yourself with your support system( family/close friends). If they are foolish enough not to be there, to leave you to your own resources, spell it out to them that this is the time you need their help. Tell them you can’t manage. There is no shame in that. Don’t bring your ego in it. And if none of these work, invest in therapy. Mental health is the most required and the best of investments ever. Find a therapist you can talk to. Yes, some are expensive but there are NGO's who do therapy for less or no money.

Survive, by all means.

Some links

1. 10 NGOs that help mentally challenged
2. These NGOs are helping people deal with mental health issues amid the coronavirus pandemic
3. Helpline numbers
4. iCall: Tata Institute of Social Sciences' helpline for the psychologically distressed has a team of mental health professionals helping individuals across various languages and regions. The helpline number (+91-22-25521111) is available Monday to Saturday from 8 am to 10 pm.
5. AASRA: This Mumbai-based NGO is dedicated to people with suicidal tendencies and battling anxiety and depression. Their 24-hour suicide helpline number is +91-22-27546669
6. Sneha Foundation: This Chennai-based NGO is also dedicated to supporting individuals who are depressed, distressed, or suicidal. Their 24-hour helpline +91-44-24640050
7. Reach out to us on the Fortis 24x7 helpline at +918376804102. Dr Samir Parakh has been doing dedicated work in this field.

Read more at: https://yourstory.com/socialstory/2020/04/ngos-helping-people-mental-health-coronavirus

#talktosomeone #mentalhealth #youarenotalone #sushantsinghrajput #grief #endthestigma