You ain't the only one going through transition buddy.

The day has finally arrived. You have your DD214 in hand and have hung up the uniform for the last time. No more deployments or PT test or saluting. Now you get to be part of the family. There is just one little problem; you didn't check to see if the family is ready to have you back.

Now Understand I am not talking about you the person, they are excited to have to you back home, healthy as possible, and with the relief that you will not be in harm's way anymore, but are they ready for you to reestablish your role in the actual home? Your spouse is also going through a transition as well and you need to be aware and as sporting of them as they are of you.

Think about it, your spouse has been mother and father to the children, they have taken care of all home and family issues alone. They have handled the bills, the home repairs, the oil changes, the disciplining of the children, all alone. Many times, they have handed decisions that would have been made with you by themselves, with the understanding that they will have to remember, explain, and in some cases, even justify the decision that they made.  They have become independent. No one questions their choices. Good or bad, they do what they do and move on. Now here you come, desperate to reestablish yourself as either the matriarch, or the patriarch of the family, and now your partner has to share those duties and hope that you are as capable as they were. Not an easy task to just hand over the reins of their lives to someone who has been a part-time roommate for 20 years. So what can you do? There is a simple answer; communicate.

Make sure that you are talking and listening to your partner. You are expressing your concerns and addressing theirs. Discuss the little things; Who will be paying the bills? Who will handle taking the kids to soccer practice? Who will be the disciplinarian? Being proactive in understanding the role your spouse plays and the new role they will have once you are home fulltime. Show some patience as they adjust to their lives with you always been there. Make sure that you are being empathic to their frustration, remember that they are getting accustomed to you always being around and they are getting used to you doing things your way. You both are transitioning and you are scared but excited about the future. It is a journey you are making together, make sure you get to enjoy it together.