Are you an active listener?

Listening is a muscle that requires exercise to be fully developed like every other muscle in your body. Practicing the supporting skills needed will evolve your active listening muscle memory.?

Active listening

Active listening demonstrates: you're there to listen, learn, and enjoy the information. Active listening positions you as an engaged and caring participant. You have an unlocked mindset, the right attitude, you're attentive and someone who can openly receive information. Setting yourself up in this fashion helps you to avoid misunderstandings because barriers to communication are eliminated.

Eye contact is everything

Eye contact is important in face-to-face conversation but too much can be intimidating. It’s important to look away, perhaps every 7 seconds, and look at someone’s mouth, or perhaps next to their face. Look upwards towards their hairline. Be careful to avoid casting your eyes downward as that can imply you’re no longer interested in continuing the conversation.

Body posture

Your body reveals how you’re feeling or what you’re thinking even more than the words coming out of your mouth. Leaning in or tilting your head sideways supports an active listening posture. Crossing your arms or legs is seen as a closed down or defensive gesture.

Non-verbal Cues

Tone of voice, facial expressions, and body gestures are key indicators of how someone is feeling actively during a conversation. These actions show how you listen. Is your participant smiling or nodding? Are their hands clasped tightly or loosely? Are they rubbing their eyes or fidgeting? Is their voice light and upbeat or tight? Do your gestures support how you internally feel? Are they communicating you're invested in what is being said. Your non-verbal signals are there to highlight your truthfulness and trusting nature.

Being interrupted is frustrating

This is something that I struggle with the most. I’m a very fast thinker and talker (it’s the New Yorker in me,) which means I must slow myself down. To consciously allow the other participants to complete their thoughts. To ensure there’s enough space and silence left between the exchange of ideas. Allow the other participant the time to consider what they want to express. Letting the other person speak will make it easier for you to understand their message, too. You don’t want to give the impression that you’re not interested in what the person is saying, don’t have the time, or that what they are saying is unimportant.

Listen without judgment

If you react emotionally to what somebody says that can get in the way of active listening. Focus on listening and don’t assume you know what’s going to be said next.

Planning your response?

If you’re thinking about how to respond then you’re not listening.

Keep your opinions to yourself

There’s an off-color expression about opinions, but it implies that everybody has one. Keep in mind that active listening should take up 100% of your focus. Don’t be quick to offer a solution to a problem that isn't yours. It’s not easy to do, especially for those of us that are problem solvers, but what is more important is to remain an active listener.?

Stay focused

Even with the best of intentions people can lose their focus. Active listening uses a tremendous amount of your mental bandwidth. When you respond in kind during your conversation, repeat several of the words or one complete thought back. This helps reinforce what they are saying as well as helps you concentrate on the importance of their thoughts.?

Ask questions

A major component of active listening is asking relevant and thought provoking questions. This demonstrates how closely you’re listening because you’re seeking clarification. Asking open ended questions in order to delve a level deeper is another great way to demonstrate your active listening.

Reflection

You have flexed your active listening muscles and demonstrated your ability to intake someone else’s information without inserting yourself into the conversation. You’ve listened, kept your opinions to yourself, been nonjudgmental, stayed focused and asked relevant questions.?You’ve paid attention and proven to others that you value what they have to offer. This is a perfect opportunity for any clarification if needed.?

Thank you for listening.