The yin and yang of coaching, asking questions and arriving at answers !

An experienced leader recently sought some advice, and as an eternal coach I remember asking him questions to help me understand the background of the issue, consider his motivation and mindset. It helped us both think aloud and explore possible approaches we can take.. during the process he wondered why I tend to always ask followup questions to his questions instead of just giving out the answer..

..as a coach, I often feel like the cheshire cat from Alice in wonderland, sitting on a tree with my detached curiosity, trying to evaluate the matter by stepping back from the situation and taking an objective view.

'Alice once came to a fork on the road and asked the cheshire cat, “What road do I take?”?The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”?“I don’t know,” Alice answered.?“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”...'

When interacting with people at work, I find arriving at solutions by asking questions (rather than giving out answers) is often more effective, it builds capability and encourages learning. It almost always results in deeper understanding on how to arrive at a solution and more time for me in the long term. ?So for most leaders coaching at work is not just about service to other people but a personal effectiveness hack!

While a lot is written on how the coachee benefits from coaching, but in the organisation context specially, the coach tends to benefit equally from coaching if not more!

Still wondering what’s in it for the coach ? here are 3 advantages to consider:

1. People who coach others create more time for themselves as they build key capabilities in their teams, they therefore can delegate more and achieve more.
2. They attain better results which are greatly aligned to end objectives.
3. They become talent magnets, people want to work with them, learn from them as they are seen as people who help others grow, they are respected by colleagues, team members and customers !

This picture from one of my favourite books ‘The Tao of Coaching, by Max Landsberg’ captures well the yin and yang of coaching, increasing your own effectiveness while helping others grow.?I recommend the book to every manager/leader who wants to be a better coach and wants to invest time in long term capability building.

The Ask-Tell spectrum in the book, captures the yin and yang of asking questions and offering instructions. If a task is critical and inaccuracy might prove disastrous, an immediate, controlling response is best. Where there is time and room for interpretation, asking open-ended questions will be more empowering for the team member.

By asking a question, the coachee’s brain becomes engaged in a process of exploration, enabling them to consider the issue from a different vantage point. Our challenge as a coach is to find the right words and conditions to fuel that new vantage point, not just once or twice, but continually. The book lists scores of questions and exercises a coach can use to make the coaching journey fulfilling for themselves and the coachee.

So next time someone comes to you with a problem, try asking a few good questions where you might otherwise have issued an instruction or leapt into providing advice and see the magic unfold!

#coaching #conversationsthatmatter #questionsworthasking #humansense