Yield to Critical Thinking and Better Judgment

Most parents worry when their kids first start driving. When my oldest started driving, I could see immediately that it seemed natural for her. Other than having a bit of a heavy foot, she seemed to be confident and a good driver. Given her ability, I would peruse social media on my phone while she navigated about the town without much help. We would get to this one stoplight at the corner of Hwy. 601 and Main Street in our small town and she would simply ask, “Mom, can I go now?” I would quickly look, determine if the light were a solid green light or a green arrow before replying a quick “yes” or “no” to her left turn.

Fast forward to her day of reckoning at the local DMV. The only worry I had was if we had brought all the proper documentation. The lines at our local DMV mean you can sit for hours and no one wants to do that more than once. Once it was her turn my daughter was called, and the DMV officer escorts her to her car after she successfully completes the written and oral part of the driving test. Within thirty minutes the two emerged back through the doorway. The DMV officer looked frantic, and my daughter looked like she was on the verge of tears. In a direct and flat manner, the officer stated that she did not pass the driving part of the exam and in fact, he said they had a “near-miss”. I am sure he said more, but I was left confused and tuned out the rest of what he said. I walked quickly behind my daughter who darted to the car and burst into tears. After getting into the car, she told me why she failed the test. If I remember correctly, she blamed me for her inability to pass the driving part and for her “near miss”. As it turned out, they arrived at the intersection where my daughter usually asked if she could turn left or not. Not knowing the “rules of the road” when it comes to a left turn at one of these green lights, she was left to her own devices. And, unfortunately, she chose wrong and turned into oncoming traffic. The officer yelled and she was able to safely stop the car, but not before the officer saw stars. Her driving test ended there.

How many times have you had an employee grace the presence of your doorway or call you and ask for your advice? For me, I always enjoyed it when someone needed my help or advice. Giving advice, or what I felt were good ideas or solutions, made me feel needed and helpful. After all, isn’t that what our team members want and need? Unfortunately, it can be just a quick fix and in the long run, is not always as helpful as it seems. What I failed to understand was that I was not really helping that person by always giving them the answers or my ideas. After a while, that person will come to rely on your judgment instead of developing their own. A lot of what we learn is by trial and error – by making mistakes. And mistakes are okay if we learn from them. I have learned the most by making mistakes.

My poor youngest daughter suffered the sins of my past mistakes with my oldest. I remember when she started to drive. I would try to coach her and ask questions rather than give her the answers. I often went too far and left her feeling helpless and scared, sitting at the stoplight asking her, “I don’t know; what do you think you should do?” She would then panic and cry, asking me to please teach her; she did not have enough knowledge yet.

What I have learned is that leadership development and coaching need a healthy balance of directing and coaching. We need to practice situational leadership. When the person we are mentoring or coaching is new or immature in their role, or the situation is urgent, it is often best to guide and support by using a “telling” style and sharing our knowledge, experience, ideas, and opinions. However, as the person becomes more mature and knowledgeable in their role, they must develop their own critical thinking and judgment for long-term success. At that point, it is best to ask questions, challenge them, and have them develop their own critical thinking skills and objective judgment.

Tips for coaching your team members:

1. Invest in your people. Schedule time routinely to help them think through problems, issues, or ideas. Show you are invested by asking how you can support them. Prioritize their questions and needs.
2. If the person is knowledgeable, mature, and invested in their role (meaning, they are seeking to grow and develop, they are not on a temporary assignment), ask more questions before offering your ideas or solutions.  Challenge the person to present you with their ideas, help them pressure test them, and challenge them to make the final decision. If the person is not knowledgeable, mature, or invested, a more direct and decisive approach on your end is warranted. After all, you’re probably the one that is accountable in that situation.
3. If the situation is urgent and important, most people prefer a more direct approach. For example, the first time my second daughter was at the green light, she wanted me to answer the question when the cars behind her were blowing their horns and explain the "why" later. If the situation is not urgent, but it is important, ask them to explore options or conduct some research and bring their proposals to you for discussion. If you expect them to be accountable, allow them to make the decision whenever possible. This creates ownership. And, if you must make the decision, you should hold yourself accountable for the outcome.
4. Always explain the WHY. If we fail to explain the “why”, we leave the person not understanding how we came to make the decision we did. We cannot assume they understand. If you conducted research, share how you came to your conclusion, so they learn to be just as resourceful. We are all a work in progress and most people are hungry to learn.
5. Finally, and most importantly, recognize and reward for good critical thinking, great ideas, and solid judgment. Give them credit! The more we recognize them for creatively solving problems, the more confidence the person gains. You will watch them grow and develop into a strong leader who can do the same coaching and leadership development for their teams.