"Yes, And" Your Life

I stumbled upon an absolutely brilliant example of the "yes, and" principle in real life from Megan Vered . For her 70th birthday, she reached out to 70 friends and said she wanted to do 70 things. She asked them to suggest an activity, and she would do it with them. She sent this email to her friends:

To honor that large number, I want to log in 70 experiences in 2023 with people I love. My goal is to say yes to whatever you might propose, no matter how big or small. Anything from a cup of coffee to a trip to a national park; from a walk in the woods to a Broadway show; from a manicure to a dance party.

But please, no thrill-seeking. No roller coasters or bungee jumping. And nothing that involves a shark tank.

And then she did it! She did so many things. She writes:

Despite distance, full schedules and plain old inertia, I eked out a handful of new experiences each month. Though I did not visit a nudist colony, hang glide, or eat insects — all of which were suggested — I hiked, kayaked, picnicked, rode the ferry and train, drank steaming cups of coffee and chai, dined out, listened to live music, visited museums, danced, attended literary events, confabbed with writing pals, road-tripped to LA, and traveled overseas to stay with friends in Europe.

I love this so much. And it's a great idea, but you may be asking why I'm highlighting it in a Human Resources based newsletter. Here's how it applies.

"Yes, and" is a life principle...

The idea behind "yes, and" is that you accept reality and move forward. But it's also about accepting possibilities. Vered didn't balk at new ideas, and she accepted them willingly into her life.

Think of how your career could go if you said yes more often. And think how much better it would be if you said yes and then built on it. "Yes, I'll do that stretch project, and I'll incorporate what I learn from it in my other work."

Confession: When ChatGPT first came out, I started pitching webinars using ChatGPT before I was an expert in it. I figured getting the clients would be the hard part, and I was right. I busted my buns learning how to use ChatGPT for HR, and did the tedious work to find the biases. And by the time I had great information, I also had classes filled.

I saw the new software, said yes, and then I "and-ed" the heck out of it.

When an opportunity presents itself, say yes.

And so are boundaries

Vered didn't turn into a mind-controlled zombie who did whatever her friends wanted. She started out by setting her limits,

But please, no thrill-seeking. No roller coasters or bungee jumping. And nothing that involves a shark tank.

And then, when friends suggested things that stepped over a line she didn't identify originally, she said no.

Though I did not visit a nudist colony, hang glide, or eat insects

Boundaries are important, and you need to set them, even when you are yes and-ing.

When the CEO tells you the new budget structure, you present it and be the lead cheerleader for it. That's yes, and. You can't change the budget structure, and you do your arguments behind closed doors.

But if the CEO tells you that to increase diversity, you will no longer hire any white males, you set a hard boundary. That's a no. That's illegal. That's final. And you'll quit before you engage in illegal activity.

There are different lines that don't fall into illegal, and you are allowed to set them. I've been to a nude beach in Lithuania (although I, myself, was not nude--that was my boundary). I would go hang gliding (I think--right now, I weigh too much), and I turned down insects when offered them.

I learned ChatGPT to teach it to others. But I won't learn worker's comp enough to teach it. I have no moral opposition to worker's comp webinars; it's just my boundary, and I'm free to have that. So are you.

Go forth and try new things. Stretch yourself. Stretch your career. And maybe don't eat bugs unless you want to.