YES! You Can Overcome Mom Guilt

Ahh, May! This is the month dedicated to celebrating mothers, and I find myself reflecting on the many challenges that working moms face daily.?

In 2019, a whopping 80% of Black moms were the breadwinners for their families.

GUILT

Let’s start with guilt—because it’s a constant motherhood companion for some, and many of you walk around with the scarlet letter “G” branded on your chests!?

If that’s you, know that you are not alone. Fast Company reported that 78% of mothers feel guilty for not spending enough time with their kids. And just like the diversity of mothers, there’s diversity in the types of guilt moms feel.??

I felt guilty that I had to entrust my son to paid daycare while I pursued my career. In later years, I felt guilty that I relied so heavily on my mom as the second parent because my starter husband failed to fulfill his responsibilities as a father. But the most surprising guilt of all was my?lack?of guilt about?choosing?to work. From the start, I was never cut out to be a stay-at-home mom.?

Let’s be clear: As Black women, very few of us or our mothers were even afforded the choice of not working outside the home. Most Black women work. Period. According to The Mom’s Project, of moms who work outside the home, the labor force participation rate is highest for Black moms at 76%, with the next highest being 71.3% for white moms. In 2019, a whopping 80% of Black moms were the breadwinners for their families.?

While I felt guilty about my lack of guilt at choosing to work outside the home, some mothers selected this option and sometimes felt guilty about resenting their choice. Black or White, working outside the home mother or working inside the home, the struggles you face, mamas, are real!?

They can overwhelm you if you let them. But you have options.?

TIME MANAGEMENT

Identify where your priorities are month-by-month.

My corporate job required me to travel so much that I jokingly listed baggage claim as my primary home address. But behind the humor lay the reality of the constant juggling act required to meet professional and personal obligations. From coordinating school pickups and last-minute “science projects”?(my son had known about for weeks but had only shared with me the night before) to attending extracurricular activities, every minute of every day was meticulously planned to ensure that nothing fell through the cracks. (I used to plan out my work wardrobe a month in advance to ensure we got out of the house faster in the morning. And I can never give enough thanks to the gym shoe gods who invented Velcro to replace laces that had to be tied. Do you?know?how?long?it takes a five-year-old to tie his shoes in the morning?!)?

Living at that pace nonstop can be exhausting. It’s where burnout happens, but surprisingly, it can often be avoided.

1. Identify where your priorities are month-by-month.?
2. Choose what you will or won’t do based on those priorities.
3. Recognize that not everything can be a priority, so if you have conflicting priorities, rank them.
4. Learn to say no (unapologetically) to anything that isn’t a priority.?
5. Build a support network and ask for help! Cultivate relationships with other working moms or family members who can help when you need it and try to swap services or resources. One of my sisters lived with me and managed my house instead of paying rent. Talk about bliss!
6. Share with those impacted by your decision how you will proceed. That means telling your boss, “I must step away on Tuesdays at 3 to attend my daughter's soccer games. I’ll pick back up at 6.”?Or share in advance with your daughter, “I have a business trip this month and will miss one of your soccer games. But I’ll be there for the next one.”??When you share with others in advance the reality of your world, you might be surprised at the support you’ll receive.
7. Keep your word. Show up when you say you’ll show up. This helps prevent disappointing others.?

The takeaway here is not to try to do it all. If the laundry doesn’t get done every week, so be it! I don’t think my now 27-year-old son will be able to report one single day that his life was uprooted because he wore the same pair of jeans twice in one week. Focus on doing quality work when you’re working and providing quality time with your family when you’re with them.?Don’t?feel guilty that you will have to prioritize at?this?point in your life. This, too, shall pass. So give yourself some grace.

Level Up With Grace is an award-winning newsletter created for African-American women in corporate America. Designed to equip Black women (and others) who want to unapologetically create a stellar career with the strategies, insights, and techniques needed to excel in corporate America. Executive coach Cheryl Grace shares a curation of thoughts, articles, profiles, trends, and tactics that can help women advance to their next professional level, wherever they are on their career journey.?Weekly emphasis on Confidence, Curiosity, Case Studies (Personal Profiles), Connection (Networking), or Course of Action (What to DO). Please subscribe and/or share!

Graphics:?Shutterstock Stock Images illustrated by the fabulously talented Natalia Hubbert .

Powerful Penny LLC is an executive coaching, consulting, and lifestyle firm founded by veteran corporate executive Cheryl Grace. We work with corporations seeking to promote, retain, and support diverse talent, as well as diverse professionals seeking to advance to their next level of career success. Our professional development services, coaching programs, and speaking/workshop series are fully customizable. Discover how we can help you achieve your desired long-term results!