Yes, to saying “NO”!

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Saying "no" is one of the hardest things to do in life. We all know it's not easy to refuse someone or something, but it's important to do so if you want to be successful. It turns out that this ability is a crucial part of success.

Saying "yes" to everything leads to overcommitment, and that's when things can go wrong.

If you're a perfectionist or have the slightest want to become successful, then you've probably learned this lesson the hard way. You have high standards and are usually very selective in whom you choose to work with, but it can be difficult to say "no."

So today I'm going to share some tips on how to say “no” without feeling guilty about it. This is part of my personal development strategy for saying yes to the things that matter most in life and building an amazing career that I love.

It's not just about saying "no." It's about saying "yes" in the right way.

1.??????You need to understand why do you say “yes” in the first place. This is a deep one. People exist on a certain spectrum of agreeableness or disagreeableness. A wide range of variables factor in here, from the kind of upbringing one has had, to their rank or number among siblings in the home. A lot can be at play here, but any person who is a student of self-development, and with a minor effort of introspection can start understanding the reasons they are or are not agreeable. Assertion is an acquired skill that needs to be developed and it is rooted solely in self-respect and love.

2.??????You need to know how to listen without being defensive or offended by what someone's saying. Not taking things personal is also a skill that enables the way to growth and success. Reasoning what is being said to you, assessing what is required and then making a choice to accept or refuse, is one off the healthiest things one can learn to do, that speaks to an internal integrity at work and life. This process, of being aware of one’s integrity, can lead any person of reason to say “no” with clear conscience. It also requires as I started by saying, being well grounded, patient and having attained a certain level of assertiveness.

3.??????Lastly, but most importantly, you need to know how to say no without hurting anyone's feelings or making them feel like they've been rejected or disrespected by your choice. Because of the variety of situations, you may have to say “no” in, family setting, corporate or with friends, one has to develop finesse. A certain tact, people skills. This will go along way into being respected by those on the receiving end of that “no”. Being considered is not weakness and being tough doesn’t always come from a weak place. The situation you are in dictates your actions, never your emotions. Then, you can formulate a convincing reason to refuse. Reading books like Dale Carnegie’s classic “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, is a good start, along with practice. All that is done with love and respect to others will add to your life’s acumen of good experiences, resulting in a good life lived.

Saying no can be a powerful tool for productivity because it forces people to adapt, change their behavior or stop doing something altogether. This can lead them to think about what they really want from life, or the situation they are in, their goals and values — rather than what they think they need.

I am not advocating rudeness or ruthlessness in dealing with others. This is shared out of my belief in the benefits of knowing ones’ limitations and powers, and not being ashamed to used them for self-development or that of others.?