The Yes Quest

One of the most common challenges that rising leaders raise with me is around influencing people in the workplace, especially when there's a boardroom meeting, a pitch to make to the MD, getting the cross-functional team on board the launch of your exciting innovation, selling the promotional plan to the buying team, getting your line manager to approve your initiative.

The unconscious act of influencing.

Think about what your children do when you have the brilliant idea to walk by the toy aisle, what ploy you are adopting to convince your friend to get on this new Aqua Zumba plan? Think about how you convince your husband to watch this Netflix movie you've been dying to see when he wasn't all this keen on it? What ploy do you use then when you are dying to go to this outdoor cinema event and your friend's really not sure about it given the unreliable weather forecast? How about this latest Magnum ice cream advert, or this limited edition sport t-shirt you bought even though you already own 11?

Influencing is something we do every single day. Using various ploys to produce a yes.

There are a few influencing styles that we all have, some being more natural to us than others, we rely on them as they mould our way of thinking. However, much like the 5 languages of love (if you have never read this, do, it's a great piece, on a totally different topic, and here I diverge), the style we are using may not land well with the person or group of people we're using it on.

• Fact Collection:?that's your natural style if you influence others using facts, your expertise and perhaps experience, and present your suggestion based on logic and a rationale.
• Confident Authority:?this is you if you rely on laws, rules, governance, authority and your own level of confidence to persuade others, making sure your ideas are heard and taken into account even when others may disagree with them. You might put pressure on other people to get them to see your viewpoint, and even challenge other people's ideas when they disagree with yours.
• Nego Power:?in here, you're looking to get your need met, even if this means making trade-offs, concessions, compromises so you get your biggest interest satisfied. Or even if you need to postpone the talks to a time that works more in your favour.
• Dot Joining:?if you tend to connect with others to influence outcomes, use reciprocity or personal relationships to get others to agree with your proposition. That's you if you tend to create alliances in order to get your way.

Note however that your natural style might not be the most appropriate for the goal you have or the context you are in. So then the big question becomes:

How does influence become ineffective?

Well, yes, here are 3 double-trouble profiles that may derail you in your quest to get a yes.

The double O ? Outcome Obsession

The big mistake: when you are overly focused on the outcome so you fail to consider the situation.

Antidotes

• Consider the culture where everyone is operating
• Think of how not to damage the long-term impact of that short-term gain
• Build trust in the meeting and conversation you are having, so that others will continue to listen
• Ask questions and be curious about your other counterparts / stakeholders. They represent the context, they are likely to have critical pieces of insights to share that will be highly useful to you to maximise your influence.

The double S ? Style Stiffness

The big mistake: when you fail to move from one influencing style to another in an agile way.

Antidotes

• Work on raising your awareness of your style's effectiveness. Influencing is situational. If you see you are going nowhere, notice which style might be more appropriate to the audience and shift to this style.
• Leave your stubbornness hat at home. There are many information and insights you do not know are present in this meeting / room. Be agile and observant to spot them, hear them, discover them and flex your style.
• Prepare prior to your meeting / conversation. Write down who will be attending, what is likely to be their main goal, what might be their most desirable outcome, and their least desirable outcome. If you know them even just a little, try to make a great guess at the influencing style that may work best with them. Then work your strategy out.

The double M ? Motive Muddiness

The big mistake: when you are very unclear about the true reason behind what you're trying to do. Undoubtably leading you to pick the wrong strategy.

Antidote:

Robert Cialdini (author of Influence, the psychology of persuasion) mentions 3 primary motives that someone who wants to persuade has:

1. When your main goal is to cultivate a relationship, you'll likely be using the principles of reciprocation, liking and unity.
2. When your primary goal is to reduce uncertainty, then you'll adopt social proof and/or authority
3. Lastly, if you want to ignite an action, you'll go for consistency and scarcity.

In a nutshell

The quest for a yes is a real adrenaline producing event. We are less conscious of us persuading, influencing others in our personal life than we are at work because we deploy frameworks, mechanisms and strategies a little more consciously when it comes to signing off a budget, a salary increase or a marketing campaign plan, because we are overly focused on the YES. If you've read this far, I ask you to take a step back, and reflect on (1) your most natural style, (2) the traps you can think of falling into in recent events, (3) what other influencing style you'd like to explore more of in order to be able to flex your style - and in the end.....getting more yes's!

Speak soon!

Mags, your Leadership Coach

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