Yes and.

Recently I was in a coaching program, and one of the core things that resonated with me was "everyone is right, partially". It was such a powerful reflection to have how my brain stops listening externally, and listens more internally when I am only listening to prove my POV right. Note, that while I recognize its a point of view (not truth), I still sometimes may listen to be right (especially when it comes to relationships).

This phrase "yes and.." changed the way I started to look at others in a more compassionate, and approachable way. While this is a common improv practice, living in life with this phrase "yes and" can be transformative. My 9 year old daughter and I have a gratitude journal, and one day she wrote in the journal "I am so thankful that my mummy listened to me when I didn't attend my class today". Reading that itself was such a blessed moment for me as a mother, and as a human being. And I reflect what did I really do that made her feel listened ..she says 1)You didn't interrupt 2)You were looking at me with kindness 3) You acknowledged my situation and how I felt in that situation 4) You didn't deny my thought process, and said "yes, and you could check with me even during my office calls "5)You asked me questions that I couldn't have thought of when I was stuck-"what if you had your best friend's number and an understanding to connect with her for help even during class"

This simple "yes, and..." has power to connect with people, and empower them to take charge of their actions , and consider additional perspective. So many times I hear people say "Yes, but..", and not recognizing the impact on others when they say so....I have been habitual of using "but" and "however", and now more consciously replace it with "and".

I maintained a check list (thanks to habit I developed from Atul Gawande's book-checklist"), to change my habit for something that is important for me..".to have people be felt heard". After any conversation, I simply reflect on my "buts", and also count my "yes ands" and mark missed opportunities of "yes ands". Within 3 days, I could begin to see it change, and now consciously recognize the opportunities of "yes and".

One of my coachees recently came to me feeling that his expertise is not growing, and that his project manager doesn't have that common interest. And in that coaching moment, I offered him the acknowledgement and followed "yes, you are right your project manager doesn't have that common interest, and ...", he said "and I haven't told him about my interest". Isn't that simple yet breakthrough on our perceptions of others we have?

If you have a story of "yes, and", share it with me and others who read this. We don't know what story touches others and makes them move...enjoy reading, reflecting, applying, and sharing....