Yes, inclusion means recognizing pronouns too.

Welcome to Lead With Inclusion! This weekly newsletter is a resource for EVERY professional. Whether you’re a manager ready to be a more inclusive leader, or an employee ready to be a DEI champion in your workplace, inclusive actions lead to inclusive outcomes. Leading with inclusion simply means starting with inclusive actions in everything you do. It means identifying the areas where bias is at work, and shifting mindsets to make change.?

If you’re not sure where to begin, start here.

Imagine being asked to educate a team on unconscious bias, but with a catch: "Can we skip LGBTQ issues and pronouns?"?

Yes, that really happened to me ????♀?. And this reluctance to address gender inclusion head-on is more common than you might think (or hope). Many workplaces still struggle with awkwardness and uncertainty around using pronouns outside the traditional gender binary of he/his or she/hers.

Lead with Inclusion:

Gender identity, including nonbinary and transgender identities, are not modern concepts, but they do shine a light on longstanding gaps in our language and social awareness about the gender spectrum. Today, many nonbinary individuals use they/them pronouns, while others might prefer ze/hir/hirs (pronounced “zee,” “here,” and “heres”).?

Why is it so important to get pronouns right? Because respect! It's also about creating an environment where everyone feels acknowledged, accepted, and psychologically safe. Isn't that the kind of place you’d want to be??

And, understanding and using pronouns correctly is more than just being polite—it's a matter of civil rights, protected under the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and reinforced by the Supreme Court in 2020.

Be an Inclusive Leader:

Getting comfortable with pronoun usage requires practice, and there’s nothing wrong with making a mistake. Everyone fumbles when learning a new language, and for many of us, using more than binary pronouns is learning a new language.?

Even after knowing my colleague Shane Whalley (whose pronouns are ze/hir/hirs) for a while, sometimes I still mess up. Which is why I practice—so I can walk my own talk.

Shane and I had a memorable and insightful discussion on nonbinary pronouns and etiquette a few years ago, and I use what I learned then often. We covered simple ways you can make your actions and workplace more inclusive, and I encourage you to check out the conversation.??

If reading is your preference, here are some actionable steps you can take to improve your pronoun etiquette:

• Introduce yourself with pronouns: Start by sharing your own pronouns. Example: "My name is Stacey, and my pronouns are she/her. What about you?"
• Include your pronouns across socials: You can add your pronouns in your email signature, Zoom name, and social media profiles. LinkedIn has a pronouns field for profiles, so add yours!
• Encourage pronoun disclosure casually: Make asking about pronouns a standard practice, not just for those who appear nonconforming.
• Reflect diversity in communications: Use diverse pronouns in presentations and case study examples to ensure all gender identities are included.
• Instead of using binary language like "ladies and gentlemen," opt for "everyone," "folks," or "distinguished guests." This small change can make a big difference in how included everyone feels.
• The term “preferred pronouns” isn’t accurate: Your pronouns are just your pronouns. Calling them “preferred” implies that using them is optional.
• Watch out for habitual speech: “Sir” and “ma’am” are prime examples. This can be a tough habit to break, especially where it’s considered a sign of respect. Instead, greet or thank people with kindness and friendliness without assuming their gender.?
• Educate yourself: There are more pronouns beyond ze/hir/hirs! This chart has examples.

Don’t force pronoun disclosure:?

Shane and I didn’t discuss this, but I’ve learned since that some people feel outed when they are pressured to identify their pronouns. Like other personal identities (religious affiliation, sexuality) some people may want to keep their pronoun identities private. The best course for inclusive leaders is to lead by example: use gender-neutral pronouns to refer to those whose pronouns haven’t been revealed, to avoid mis-gendering them. Rather than expect someone else to share their pronouns, perhaps you can add “if you’re comfortable sharing” to my introduction above?

Practice Makes Perfect

Shane recommends practicing pronoun usage—out loud—with something you love, like a pet or a plant (or your car if you’re someone who likes to name their car!). Using new-to-you pronouns when you talk about your beloved monstera plant gives you a chance to practice.

Avoidance isn’t subtle

Shane pointed out that avoiding nonbinary pronouns isn’t an alternative to using them. “I know if you’re avoiding my pronouns,” ze said. It’s better to try and mess up than to avoid trying at all. To that end:

“Acknowlogize”

How you recover from making a mistake with pronouns is important. That’s why it’s crucial to acknowledge and apologize—what Shane likes to call “acknowlogize”—sincerely if you make a mistake.

You could say, “I messed up on your pronouns, I’m sorry,” and repeat the sentence correctly. Or you could say, “I’m working on it, I’ll do better.”

This is how you become self-aware enough to show respect and effort—both qualities of an inclusive leader.

What you don’t want to do is say something like, “Ugh, well I’m sorry but your pronouns are really hard. Why can’t you use easier ones?” This puts the person who was misidentified in a position of comforting the person who made the mistake.????

I encourage you to leave a comment sharing your experience with diverse pronoun use. How has your company demonstrated inclusion of all genders? What do you do personally? Have you ever messed up and owned it??

And if you’re overwhelmed by all the ways to be an ally—or all the ways it’s possible to make a mistake—I encourage you to check out “Unconscious Inclusion”. Designed for individuals or teams, it’s a neuroscience-backed program that delivers lasting sustainable, meaningful transformation (HR professionals earn 13 CEU’s, and PIHRA members qualify for a discounted rate).

Please note: if you’re unfamiliar or uncomfortable with gender diversity, please be respectful in your comments and inquiries. We’re always learning and conversation is nonnegotiable to learn, as long as it’s conducted with curiosity and respect.?

About Stacey Gordon:

Stacey Gordon is a Bias Disrupter and an unapologetic evangelist for inclusion. As the Founder of Rework Work, she anchors action using change management principles while facilitating mindset shifts. She is a global keynote speaker, Top Voice on LinkedIn and a popular LinkedIn Learning [IN]structor with nearly two million unique learners enjoying her courses.??

Want to work with Stacey live? Consider booking her for your next keynote, leadership development meeting or consulting engagement.