YES! I'm Shakin’ Off the ‘Could-a, Would-a, Should-a’ Blues

I wish I could play guitar or harmonica as the title of this entry cries out for a bluesy, ‘My dog has run away' kind of tune. The furthest I ever got with a musical instrument was making a violin sound like a cat clawing its way up a chalkboard and then slowly sliding down. Thinking of that sound (and my playing) makes my skin crawl.

I was feeling bluesy a few days ago, regretting things done or undone from a long time ago. I knew I was going down a path I had traveled too many times – you know, the classic ‘Been there, done that, got the T-shirt’ deal. When I stopped to consider where that path would lead, I could smell the futility a mile away.

So, I consciously decided to edit the movie that had started playing in my head and show it with an alternate ending, just like producers sometimes do when they’re figuring out what would make the movie-going public fill seats and feel good about opening their wallets. Learning to shake the ‘Could-a, Would-a, Should-a’ blues away has been quite a boon for me. What do I do? Glad you asked! Three things:

First, I’ve learned to remind myself that, at the time I did whatever I did, I was doing the best I could with what I knew. I’ve learned to acknowledge that I didn’t know what I didn’t know but NOW I know more than I did then. Sometimes, these ‘bluesy’ moments come when I'm reminded of someone who proved to be a false friend and betrayed my trust in them. Upon reflecting, I'd realize there were signs something was up. I would think, ‘I should-a seen that coming.’ Maybe. Maybe not. But I've learned to forgive myself for the blindness and move on.

Second, I’ve realized that all things must pass and I must allow them to do so. Pema Chadron says it better than I ever could: ‘You are the sky. Emotions are just the weather.’ It reminds me that such a ‘bluesy’ moment is just that - a moment in time. It's what is sometimes said about the weather - it'll change if you wait long enough.

What also helps me get through these moments is literally changing my physical view; that is, I get myself unstuck by physically moving and focusing my eyes (and mind) on something new. It helps me disengage from the tunnel vision and the perpetually-looping sad story I've created to justify my blues, enabling me to regain a much-needed, widened perspective.

Third, I’ve taken the advice of Ralph Waldo Emerson to heart: ‘Laugh often and much.’ Mostly, I laugh at myself, and it is laughter seasoned with kindness. Self-compassion is an art form I’ve come to appreciate and use as an alternative to second-guessing on what I ‘could-a, would-a, should-a’ done. I have served myself well using this aspect of emotional intelligence to help conserve and strengthen who I am rather than what I think I should-a, could-a, would-a been.  

Your Turn: As I like to keep my 'anti-blues' kit fully stocked, would you share with me how have you learned to shake off the could-a, should-a, would-a blues? What approaches, tips, thoughts do you have? Feel free to share mine with anyone who might use them. Thanks!