Yep. I'm Still Looking. And That's OK.

I've seen too many posts recently from fellow jobseekers in my network frustrated by a lack of response to their applications or worse, getting ghosted mid-process. They've talked about the toll on their mental health as their job search drags on.

It can be difficult enough to find a new job while currently employed. To those of us who were let go from jobs, the feelings brought on by the struggles of the job search may be intensified because our unemployed status was not our own decision.

For some of us, even when we understand the business circumstances, a layoff may feel arbitrary or like we were unfairly targeted. Add to that the uncertainty of our now-missing work identity, our role in providing for our families, our bureaucratic battles with state unemployment offices (get it together, PA!), and our well-intentioned friends and family inquiring "any prospects?" right after a painful rejection.

At best, it feels like diminished confidence, self-doubt, a feeling that "the world is moving on without me." At worst there is a palpable insecurity around the wellbeing of one's self and loved ones.

I'm not a psychologist, but for me, it feels like the very rational concerns around income and opportunity can be heightened - or even hijacked - by our desire to feel control over a situation that we're clearly not controlling as candidates.

The truth is, though, we're never completely in control. Embrace that fact because it will level your perspective and help you focus on what you can manage and change.

Regardless of rationality or basis in fact, these feelings need to be addressed with help. To anyone having these or similar feelings, you're not alone. In fact, you're in great company.

Find someone who can give you the attention you need and talk about it productively with the objective of identifying what's real, what you can manage/change (and what you can't), and ultimately what you want out of the situation. For me that sounding board and, when needed, BS-calling contradictor, has been my wife, partner, best friend, confidante, coach, and biggest supporter: Yvonne.

While we all battle self-doubt when times get hard, my own experience tells me (and Yvonne reminds me) that a positive, open mind will allow me to see opportunities that a pessimistic mind may miss.

So, especially when the situation feels out of your control or hopeless, it is important to look at our circumstances through the lens of opportunity.

I've always been a positive-minded optimist. Ask my teams for a frequent JOD quote and you're most likely to hear something like "we got this" or "you'll see, it's going to be great." Having a positive mindset has helped me in life and in my career in sales, but positivity and the lens of opportunity are different concepts.

I would like to credit the brilliant entrepreneur and all around amazing human, Chris Kelly, with introducing me to the concept of the lens of opportunity while we worked together at Convene, a company he co-founded. The concept is about more than just being optimistic for a good outcome in a tough situation. It's about having an open heart and mind to see the opportunity and then execute upon it. It involves creativity, prioritization, risk-taking, and ultimately generating outcomes in seemingly difficult circumstances that are better than what could have existed before those specific circumstances.

Put differently: The lemonade can't exist without those bitter lemons you've been handed. But you need to plan and execute to create something worthwhile because no one wants to drink lemon juice.

Another great example of this mindset can be found in the story that Simon Sinek tells in The Infinite Game about how Victorinox actually increased revenues post 9/11 when sales of their main product, the Swiss Army Knife, plummeted due to TSA regulations. Victorinox, as Sinek tells it, when presented with seemingly dire circumstances beyond their control, was prepared for change and had the courage to enter completely new product markets like luggage, watches, and fragrances. Today, their profits have never been higher and these new segments outperform their original product.

Back to my own circumstances - a pessimistic viewpoint might be: Six months ago, I was laid off from a VP of sales job without much of an explanation - one where I was a high performing leader of amazing teams, where I poured figurative blood and actual sweat and tears (lots of tears) through a high growth period up to 2020 and then an absolutely gut-wrenching stretch of contraction and layoffs and more layoffs and seemingly endless change in the pandemic years to help get the company on solid footing so it could once again grow. Which it's starting to do now. Without me.

When I apply the lens of opportunity to the same situation, I see that I was given the gift of a once-in-a-career master class in growth then resilience and change management followed by mid-career pause and reflection period. I was there for a reason and then I was offered an escape from a role that was no longer as rewarding and, worse, was creating constant worry that had moved from manageable stress to fear, anxiety and even physical pain. In addition to decompressing (and curing my back pain), my pause has provided an amazing opportunity for respite to revisit my "why," reconnect with my family, spend more time engaged with my kids and their interests, and be a better partner in running our home.

The contradiction in these two disparate views is not about true and untrue. It's all my truth. But my lens of opportunity is about where I choose to place my focus and the actions I take moving forward. Like Victorinox, I want to come out of this period true to who I am, but stronger than how I went into it.

So, in my search for my next opportunity, I am seeking a role that can make the most of my sales and leadership skills and leverage my diverse experiences and that is (1) sufficiently different from what I have done previously to be interesting and fun, (2) important work for a good cause; work that makes a difference; work that I'm proud to discuss with my kids, and (3) within an inclusivity-minded organization that is authentically thoughtful about its communities and values its people and their whole selves.

Those are my non-negotiables. So, it makes sense that it's taking a while to find the right fit. I've added a degree of difficulty to my search because I intend to love what I do again.

As someone who has built a career on building relationships and negotiating agreements, I believe if you have a list of deal-breaker non-negotiables, you'd better have some meaningful negotiables, too. And I do.

Because my reflection has brought about a change in the way I view my relationship with work, there are things that, even a few months ago, would have been non-negotiable, but today are much more flexible. Listing them here could damage my negotiating position later, but if you're a friend or fellow job seeker interested in what's changed for me, I'd be happy to share privately.

Why I Wrote This:

I wrote this for colleagues, friends, and current/former students of mine who I thought might appreciate the POV of a real, mid-career job seeker who most days feels very optimistic but occasionally battles the demons of doubt. Job seeking can feel like a lonely, solitary existence. The truth, though, is that there is an entire community available and willing to support each other and I want to be a positive force in that community.

I also wrote this for myself to help clarify my position and state my intentions and non-negotiables (for accountability purposes).