Year on Repeat OR New Year, New You?

Tis the season for you to get sold on that gym membership, to think maybe this is your year. There is a way to help 2023 actually be different if you invest in changing the way you think.

I am not a fan of New Year's resolutions. It makes me cringe when I see the “New Year, New You, lose 30 pounds, just text me” messages. These imply that change is a bandwagon that we can just hop on for a quick ride to a six-pack and a bikini body. If you have the Benjamin’s for a bandwagon to an exclusive spa where you will drink organic kale juice and get personal training from Chris Hemsworth look alike, you can maybe get closer in the short term but long term change can’t be bought.?

There’s so much marketing that is meant to pressure you into believing that maybe with the start of a new year, the unrealistic is possible. Criticism of lifestyle change might sound odd coming from someone who has spent the last year writing different posts about how you cannot be outside of health and live a full and fulfilling life. To live the life you were meant to live you have to move your body well, rest well, fuel well and connect with others often.?

The changes I have written about to have a fulfilling life still are essential. I mean, I said them/ typed them after years of education and hours of research, so OBVIOUSLY, they are. Here's the thing that gets glossed over all those social media ads trying to get likes or your money.?Change requires growth. Life change requires slow growth based on joy for the change, not shame for what you don’t look like or feel like. Anyone who tells you differently is selling you.

No one grows to encompass massive change overnight or in the span of one week.?Growth is a cultivated mindset. No one plants a seed and expects to eat tomatoes in the morning. No one should expect change in January to be different than change in March or September.?

Growth for change requires preparation. Going back to the gardening analogy, good gardeners start with the soil before the seed enters the picture. They might remove soil if it doesn’t allow the plant to flourish or add specific fertilizer. Similarly, we need to change small our thinking to allow the seed of change to succeed.?

The soil for change to grow is your thoughts.

Your thoughts can kill your change before it takes root, withering it with self-criticism, shame, guilt (fill in your negative emotion here___). So how do you prepare your thoughts for change? Oh, that is such a good nerd question. I decided to wax eloquent on it for about 1000 words. You already read half of them, so congrats. You are amazing! Your dedication to learning something that can impact you is a mere 500 ish words away (heavy emphasis on the ish). Continue reading for some thought-changing information that is surprisingly engaging nerd information with sprinkles of sarcasm for your reading pleasure.?

“If you were to live this day over, what would you change?”

If you have been reading this newsletter for a hot minute, you will have seen this question before. This is the question that Viktor Frankl, a neurologist, and psychiatrist, would have his patients answer before starting a new day. The beautiful thing about this question is that it focuses you on today before you even start it. It doesn’t ask how your yesterday, last week, or even last ten years has gone. Our past does shape us, and you may need help from a counselor to work through it. BUT all of us have to do the work to change how we think to prepare our minds for change that sticks.

Transforming your Thoughts by playing your Inner Game to Win

When was the last time you remember saying you were proud of something you had done? You, not someone else. When was the last time you celebrated something you did well? Try this question and see if you have a different answer. When was the last time you criticized yourself? When was the last time you played a memory repeatedly in your head, thinking about how you were foolish, stupid, or should have done better? For me, that was last night.?

I love the verse in Romans “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” I think renewing our minds to change patterns and transform fits well. In this context, renew means to replace (something that is broken or worn out).?When I have a day where I allow my self-doubt and inner critic to run my thoughts, I do feel worn out. I feel like what I did was not good enough, and I will typically reach for something to numb my feelings with a quick hit of sugar or mindless scrolling. The days I allow my inner critic to break me are also the days I have less patience for my spouse and my kids. Those are the days I have a lot of apologizing to do unless I can stop my thoughts.?

Our past thoughts and processes get in the way of preparing our soil for change, which is why renewing our minds can be so crucial for growth to take root. The book,?The Inner Game of Tennis?discusses how our conscious mind constantly judging our actions and choices holds us back from playing a great game of tennis and a great game of life.?

The author W. Timothy Gallwey acknowledged the importance of the outer game, which is your current level of abilities. However, what he thought was missing from most people’s approach, was the inner game. “This is the game that takes place in the mind of the player,” he wrote. Unlike the outer game, where your opponent is the person on the other side of the net, the inner game “is played against such obstacles as lapses in concentration, nervousness, self-doubt, and self-condemnation.” In short, the inner game is how we overcome all habits of mind which inhibit the excellence we crave.?

Dr. Edith Eva Eger, a survivor of Auschwitz, wrote in her book?The Choice?notes, “each moment is a choice. No matter how frustrating or boring or constraining or painful or oppressive our experience, we can always choose how we respond.” You can choose to renew your mind and transform the soil of your thoughts. You can choose to stop listening to your inner critic. Renewing your mind and avoiding your inner critic won’t happen tomorrow, next week, or maybe even next month. It is a process, but the joy for tomorrow fuels this process. The amazing thing is that the more you work on changing your thoughts, the easier it gets. What is a workout for your today will eventually become your warm-up. Indeed, the best is yet to come.?

DIG (Get Deliberate, Get Inspired, Get Going) Deep Action Steps:?

Get Deliberate: I love this exercise for an exercise we are cultivating joyful thoughts for change. Try filling this out for yourself right now. Seriously right now. You won’t do it later (you’ve got stuff. It’s Christmas week. Invest in yourself for a few minutes). If it is meaningful, do it again next week.?

A = Have I been Abstinent today? (sweets, soda, email at the dinner table, define the tool you use to numb and distract yourself)

E = Have I Exercised today? (walking 5 min counts, watching an exercise documentary on Netflix where others exercise doesn’t count)

I = What have I done for myself today?

O = What have I done for Others today?

U = Am I holding on to Unexpressed emotions today? (are you people-pleasing and frustrated about it? Write down what you are feeling right now. It just feels better to acknowledge it and science says it is good.)

Y = Yeah! What is something good that’s happened today?

Get Inspired: I LOVE the Enjoyco podcast by Neal and Carly Samudre.?This podcast?is about helping individuals enjoy positive change from a place of Joy.?Listen and get inspired.

Get Going: Did you enjoy the AEIOUY exercise above? Write down a day you will do it again next week.?