The Year of No

(This article was published in the BWEL- Black Women Education Leaders'?Newsletter, April 2022)

“Freedom isn’t the ability to say yes. It’s the ability to say no.”?

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There is a saying that goes, "if you want something done, give it to a busy person”; however the habit of taking on more and more tasks should not be the badge the honor that we think it is.?Many successful leaders have gained recognition for not just the quality of the work they have been able to produce, but also for their ability to keep multiple balls in the air without letting any of them drop.?

For women of color, that problem is compounded.?We believe that we have to continuously?hustle and grind?in order to be recognized and unfortunately, our instincts are not entirely wrong.?Black women have to work longer and harder before they ascend to top leadership positions.?In 2021, out of the 41 female CEOs?among Fortune 500 companies, only two of them are Black women.?In education, we remain in assistant positions, curriculum positions, and middle management positions longer before we are able to be tapped for a top leadership role.??

So in turn, we work ourselves endlessly in order to prove that we are capable of advancement when the truth is the problem wasn’t really us.?We work, we work, we show up, we perform, and we deny ourselves with hopes that if we just keep at it, “they” will finally see us.?We have lauded ourselves for the late hours we put in and the weekend assignments we accept, often sacrificing our own health and primary relationships in order to meet an invisible and ever-moving goalpost. We have to stop and liberate ourselves from this cycle of self-inflicted abuse.?????

I believe the reasons for our "All I Know is Go" ethos is more complex than just our desire for advancement.?Black women have been taught and?socialized to take care of everyone else; even at the expense of our lives.?My paternal grandmother is 100 years old and she still cooks and cleans from early in the morning until late in the evening despite our collective pleas for her to sit down.?The ability to relax is a privilege not known to many of our foremothers and many of us have been handed down the burden of steady labor.?

Additionally, accomplished women who come from a place of humility believe that we owe it to others to give back.?"To much is given, much is required." We are taught that from early on; if you are one of the ones who made it out, it is your duty to go back and get others.?Absolutely, this is the communal mentality that has helped our people to thrive but many of us have interpreted that to mean that we are to give up our very peace at work, at home, in our community, and in civic associations in the name of service.?When will it stop?

We have to begin to say "no” but I don’t mean that we cease to excel at work or fulfill the tasks that are required of us.?Instead, we need to be just as intentional about doing the things that keep us emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy as we are about executing at work.?How are you going to promote a standard of excellence at work but every area in your personal and home life is literally in disarray??

Say "no" sis, but say?it without regret or remorse.?Learn to release the need to justify why you can’t be present for every event.?You are worthy of rest; not just the occasional spa day, but planned and scheduled rest.?The Nap Ministry?is an organization that promotes rest for Black Women as a form of resistance. Your ability to continue to serve and achieve at high levels is tied to your opportunities for reflection and restoration. Our grandmothers used to say sometimes you have to steal away.?Steal away and reserve some energy for you. Learn to say "no".?

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#BWEL,?

Dr. Monique Darrisaw-Akil