This year, ditch your resolutions for a 2021 guiding motto

In a New Year’s Day column back in 1863, Mark Twain announced: “Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” 

Like Twain, I’ve never been a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. I know from experience that they're as easy to break as they are to make. And it’s not just me and Twain: a University of Scranton study found that 80 percent of people fall short of their annual New Year’s Resolutions—many after just a few weeks. In fact, after analyzing data from their 50 million users, fitness app Strava has pronounced January 19 “Quitters’ Day”—the date when the majority of aspiring exercisers give up on their New Year’s fitness goals. 

There are plenty of reasons why resolutions are so hard to stick to. Researchers note that our resolutions tend to be things we feel we should do (“Quit smoking!” “Lose ten pounds!” “Go to the gym!”), rather than things we actually want to do. And with their focus on actions and results, they allow us to gloss over underlying questions about what we value and desire—what it might take to build and sustain a meaningful, healthy, and satisfying life. 

In recent years, I’ve moved from resolution-making to intention-setting, which requires me to think more expansively about my goals and relationships. How have I been spending my time and energy; where have I been focusing my attention? What parts of my life feel good, and which could feel better? While sticking to a resolution can feel like checking boxes, I’ve found that staying true to my intentions is a looser and more dynamic process. It makes me more inclined to check in with myself as I navigate the countless choices and decisions that fill my days. I definitely don’t always get it right, but I also know that I won’t quit on my intentions the way I might abandon a resolution (RIP to my quarantine resolution, “go for a walk outside every day before logging on”). 

My good friend and Getaway co-founder Pete Davis practices an annual tradition that I love: he invites his friends to come up with “New Year’s mottos,” which he describes as “a North Star catch phrase you can always return to throughout the year.” Then he sends us each a key tag with our own chosen catch phrase inscribed on it. 

“The sharing is really fun because it helps you lock it in,” Pete says. “The keytag locks it in more, because it's something you see printed up, something you can put on your keys to see every day.” For Pete, the process of coming up with his New Year’s motto is about reflecting back on the past year—What problems did he face? What was missing?—and recalibrating for the year to come. Part of the fun is seeing how differently everyone approaches the assignment: some of us come up with mottos right away, others take a long time deliberating. Some mottos are extremely concrete (“You need a sandwich!”), others are more abstract (“Take the long way”). 

As for my own motto for 2021, I finally settled on “Be Swift to Love,” which comes from the 19th century Swiss philosopher Henri-Frédéric Amiel. (I’d like to claim I spent 2020 brushing up on 19th century philosophy treatises, but the truth is that I saw the quote on a bumper sticker while I was mulling over mottos.) For me, this phrase serves as a reminder to give the people around me the benefit of the doubt, to look for the good in someone or something before finding fault, and to strive for deep connections. 

If you have a motto or intentions of your own to carry into 2021, I’d love to hear them.