Ximena Vengoechea outlines how you can listen more actively, and it's about to get resilient

"Stories help us to build empathy—to understand someone deeply, personally, in a way we don’t always have access to in our day-to-day lives." In this week's You've Got This, author, illustrator and user experience researcher?Ximena Vengoechea shares how her professional experiences have helped shape her perspective on listening, how others can activate this skillset, and advice and insights for those who may want to pursue a career in user experience and research. Don't miss her answers below as well as announcing our next guest, speaker, author, and workplace expert Jennifer Moss.

Victoria: "Can you tell us about your career journey and how the experiences you encountered along the way shaped your perspective on listening?"

Ximena: "My training is as a user researcher. I’ve worked at companies like Pinterest, Twitter, and even LinkedIn in this capacity. It’s a role I hadn’t heard of until years after I graduated college, where I studied literature. I was an avid reader as a kid and I’ve always loved stories about people.

"I think stories help us to build empathy—to understand someone deeply, personally, in a way we don’t always have access to in our day-to-day lives. User research is basically another way of learning about people and their stories. Instead of reading about a character’s innermost thoughts and motivations, I am observing participants during a session or asking questions directly about what it is like to be them."

My specialty is in qualitative research, meaning that the bulk of my insights come from in-depth conversations, activities, and workshops. It’s through this work that I learned how to really deeply listen—to make space for someone to share their truth, even if it makes you uncomfortable, and to receive what they have to say with curiosity, humility, and empathy. That helps companies build better, more user-centered products, and it also helps individuals build better and stronger interpersonal relationships. In a world where so many of us are feeling increasingly disconnected from each other, it felt essential to help share this skill and help others to strengthen their relationships through listening, too."

Victoria: "In your book?LISTEN LIKE YOU MEAN IT: Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection, you share actionable insights and tools to take conversations—and understanding them—to a more meaningful level. What are some common misconceptions about listening that you wish people knew more about?"

Ximena: "The biggest misconception about listening is that it can’t be learned. There is an assumption that we are either naturally good or bad at it, case closed. In this view, listening is unlike, for example, public speaking—something we all agree can be learned and that many of us spend time, money, and effort on training and improving. This is entirely untrue!

"Listening, like any communication skill, can be learned—that’s what my book sets out to do. There are concrete techniques, hands-on exercises, and mindset shifts that can help anyone become a better listener, whether you are a naturally gifted listener or not."

Another common misconception is that listening is about staying quiet. There’s an assumption that a good listener silently nods and quietly receives what the other person has to say. Sometimes listening looks like this, but it often also includes asking open-ended questions, noticing body language and nonverbal cues, knowing when to redirect and include others in the conversation, becoming aware of our own emotional response in conversation, and even setting boundaries and learning how to exit a conversation, too. Listening is an active process, not a passive one."

Victoria: "What advice and insights would you have for others looking to pursue a career in UX research and design?"

Ximena: "My advice would be to start to understand the UX space—follow UX accounts like Nielsen Norman Group and UX Booth on social media to start building a vocabulary and understanding of the industry. Consider taking a class at places like General Assembly and Design Lab for hands-on instruction (dip a toe into a one hour session if you’re not ready to commit to a full day workshop or semester series). Try lots of new products (like mobile apps or websites) and ask yourself what’s working with regard to how they are designed, and what could be better. Blog about what you are learning. When you’re ready, start to build your portfolio—you can design or research a product you are personally designing, volunteer for a local organization to get experience while helping someone else, or try your hand at freelancing for small businesses or startups.

You want to make sure you have enough experience under your belt, that by the time you apply for a job (ask around in your network for a referral first!), you have something to show for it. Prospective employers will want to see you are serious about UX, not just trying it on for size, and a portfolio, strong design thinking, and class credentials can help. Equally important is that this learning phase will teach you whether UX is a fit, too. If you get bored during this phase, it’s likely not worth pursuing. But if you feel more and more curious and excited to learn, that’s a great sign. If you’re interested in learning more, here’s a primer on becoming a UX Researcher I put together for The Muse and a UX career question I tackle in my newsletter."

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Next week's guest: Jennifer Moss

Get ready for our next guest, Harvard Business Review contributor and radio columnist Jennifer Moss. Bringing a background in communications, entrepreneurship, and a unique focus as a member of the United Nations Global Happiness Council, here's what I'll be asking Jennifer:

• What role did your professional journey play in discovering your passion for studying workplace culture and happiness?
• Can you share the process and inspiration behind your upcoming book THE BURNOUT EPIDEMIC, and what distinguishes a traditional approach to workplace wellness from a more proactive approach to fighting burnout?
• As someone who studies happiness and well-being, what are some actionable insights that others can utilize in their day-to-day?

Join in the conversation by asking your questions for Jennifer in the comments below, and thank you for being a part of?You've Got This.